Right Now.

Have you ever been surrounded by people and yet in the same moment felt so lonely and alone - regardless of who these people are - like if they are friends, family, loved ones or work colleagues? Have you ever felt like it is just you against the world? Have you had to struggle with yourself to get up, show up and do everything that is required from you on a daily basis, no matter how hard that might be?

Others might see that as a simple task, I can assure you it is not.

You may assume that at this precise moment in time, the only people that are struggling with their mental health are the people who are stuck indoors and who aren't allowed to go to work because of the lockdown.

This may be true, but the people who can still work will most definitely be included in this, however I can't speak for everyone - I can only depict my struggles within my mental health and the pressure I feel on a daily basis.

I am classed as a keyworker and sometimes I think that I am not good enough to help the vulnerable individuals I support.

Have you ever heard a silence so deafening that it doesn't quite seem real?Like the world is moving without you, people are conversing with each other and you are an outsider looking in and not quite understanding the incomprehensible gibberish, like a fly on the wall, not even recognised or included, somewhat invisible...

I know that it is a very difficult time for everyone right now. There is always someone in a position worse than myself, I can't help but think what the world will be like once this is all over...when is it going to be all over? How is the world going to adjust to all the changes? Are businesses that have been shut for months just going to reboot and get the same amount of customers and trade again?

So many unanswered questions...

Being on the frontline means I get to see it from the other side. I have a front row view of the world plodding on, no matter what gets thrownits way. Great Britain and her people will remain valiant and will continue to go out and do their jobs because the world can't just stop, can it? I definitely don't want to imagine what the world would look like if shit hit the fan and everything just stopped.

The United Kingdom will always find ways to unite regardless of what we are facing - the weekly clap for the NHS and keyworkers every Thursday at 8pm or the donations for the amazing 100 year old man walking around his garden and raising millions of pounds for our fundamental services (honestly I have the upmost respect for him!)

My mental health isn't the greatest and hasn't been for about a year or so. I have up and down days, I have days where I don't want to get up in the morning, don't want to go to work and don't want to participate in life, but I do it anyway, even though sometime it scares me.

Yes, scares me.

But the alternative scares me more.

So I get up at 5am, then go and work a 14 and a half hour shift with a smile on my face because I know I am doing something with a purpose. And, it gets me out of the house! (No offence, but I definitely couldn't stay indoors this whole time with just 4 walls to look at, my depression, anxiety and mental health would get worse and I just can't deal with any more of that!) I would much rather be the nice, happy, medicated depressive who gives back to the most vulnerable individuals, who just need that little bit more support.

People always ask me what I am most looking forward to when the lockdown gets lifted and honestly, there is no answer I can give. Nothing has changed for me - I'm still working, spending time with my other half same as any other day.

I know many people would have much more to say: 'I want to do this, and that, and see my friends, blah blah blah...' I'd definitely say just keep on working, earn and save so I can have something nice to look forward to, and just do the same things that I always do.

The one thing I will certainly always do is be the best I can possibly be and helping others out the best I can.

With Love Rosie.

Stay safe Everyone.

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