Resting into Process

Somewhere between my teens and early twenties I became an over-achiever. I’m not exactly sure when or why it happened. I’ve always been a bit of a competitive spirit, fuelled by the satisfaction of achievement. But somewhere along the way the creation and accomplishment of endless lists of goals become the fuel for my soul. I was obsessed with ticking things off my list. The rush of knowing I had completed a job well done, the validation that came along with it, it was all I could think of.

When I was reaching those milestones, it felt good.

But the flipside of the coin … what happened when I wasn’t able to achieve my goals, when it felt like I wasn’t making progress ... it was a dark place. I didn’t like myself there. I felt worthless. And the thing is, that worthless feeling part of me seemed to grow, until it was present even when I was ticking off goals. The constant search for validation had caught up with me. I was exhausted and I wasn’t being fulfilled by my accomplishments anymore.

Chasing goals had brought me some satisfaction, but it wasn’t bringing me happiness.

The issue, was that anything other than the completion of the goal became a failure. I had forgotten about the journey. As Angela Duckworth would say in one of my favourite books Grit, I was stuck in performance mindset rather than living in process. This concept began a subtle but very powerful shift in my perception. Rather than performing my life, I began practicing it. And let me tell you, with practice comes play. The pressure was off, I began having a serious amount of fun experimenting with life and how I was doing things!

Life has a special glimmer to it when you get to try new things without the fear that it will mess up your grand plans. I really want more of that glimmer in my day-to-day so for my 2022 New Years Resolution, I’m surrendering to the process.

Why surrender to process?

When you let go of your self-dictated extreme expectations, you give yourself the gift of freedom. Suddenly there is room for breath. There is room for possibility. There is room to play. This is because there is room for error. When you’re in process, you are practicing! You are practicing at this wonderful, wild thing called life and in practice, you are expected to make mistakes.

I ease myself into process with simple reminders throughout the day that I'm just practicing. I have mantras I repeat to myself and I write myself sticky notes to keep in my creative work area.

The magic of possibility is in the practice.

The moments I’ve been able to rest into the process I have glanced a view of the joy this shift can bring! Trying something that I’m scared of, like applying to go back to school or going to a social event after a long hiatus, suddenly seem like opportunities to play!

What would this resolution mean for me?

When I’m living in a practice mindset, I no longer feel exhausted – I’m no longer constantly cycling through the endless list of to-do’s in my head from dawn till dusk (and then some). Embracing the process of my everyday life makes me feel rejuvenated and refreshed. It allows me to be comfortable in the present moment, there’s no need to be looking forward towards the next accomplishment because the process is my intention.

When it comes to resolutions, I can’t think of a better one than the solid reminder that this life is about the process, not the performance. I look forward to whatever discoveries come from my practice and I look forward to seeing each of you in your own!

As always, thanks for the read and journeying with me. Stop by my profile and consider subscribing if you want to see more. Have a magical day xx. S