On Creative Burnout

I've hit a wall, and I'm probably burnt out creatively.

I've been thinking to myself: I can't be burnt out right now. In fact, I feel like I'm in a sort of creative flow at the moment. I've been writing frequently, and big ideas have been at the forefront of my mind, so how can I sit here and make this claim?

Well, I might have a lot of thoughts and ideas, but I'm struggling to find the right words to convey them. I'm essentially not happy with the sentences I'm stringing together, and when I try to draft, it's just not my best work. I'm not happy with my output.

I think I've been forcing myself to write too, which is something I really try not to do. I always said that I'm not one of those writers who writes every day, so why am I doing it lately? And how do I start liking what I'm writing again?

I'm not sure. I don't know the answers. It's been a while since I've hit a wall like this because I never felt as though I was forcing myself to create in the past. While I'm actively creating and racking my brain over big ideas, I'm also neglecting other projects that are probably more important in the grand scheme of things.

I haven't touched my book lately. I'm stuck, once again, on Chapter 10. I'm not sure why this happens, but every time I'm hitting another milestone with this manuscript, Chapter 10 kicks my ass. I hate it. I love it. It's a huge moment in the novel that falls flat in some ways and keeps the reader hooked in others. It's the point where I initially decided to switch the POV during my first draft. It's the point I got stuck on during rewrites. It's the point I'm struggling to get through editing. And it's exactly halfway through the book.

I think in some ways I feel guilty for writing other things when I have this big project looming in the background, mocking me. It's something I've been working on for two years now, and realistically, I'm so close to the finish line. Yes, there are major obstacles to get through, and editing is no joke, but the story is there. I could query it tomorrow if I really wanted to (but I want it to be perfect first).

Oh, shoot, perfect. That's a word I need to stay away from. Perhaps I'm putting too much pressure on myself to perform. Everything I've been trying to write lately has been either humorous or self-deprecating (don't worry, they probably won't leave the drafts). Perhaps I'm punishing myself for not living up to my own unrealistic expectations. I think I need to shift my mindset.

I'm setting some writing rules for myself moving forward, at least for the foreseeable future.

1. Stop forcing myself to write: If I like an idea, sure, I'll write it down. But if I try to communicate that idea and it's just coming up flat. I need to stop, leave it alone, and come back when it's fully cooked. Lately, there are too many musings coming out half-baked for my liking.

2. Finish editing my damn fucking novel: This weekend, if I don't get through Chapter 10, I'm going to break something. My promise to myself is to at least get through this road bump. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad, I just need to fix spelling, grammar, conventions, and the little things. I'm going to do a second round of edits anyway, and I need to stop putting so much pressure on getting it "perfect" the first time.

3. Limit my posts on Vocal: I'm vowing not to write another article on Vocal until I'm through with Chapter 10. After that, I'll allow myself to write one thing. Then I won't be able to post again until I make it through Chapter 11. So on and so forth. This way, I'm holding myself accountable for my big project while also limiting using my creative stamina for smaller projects.

4. Remember to have fun: I've been stressing myself out. There are many more eyes on my work than there were two months ago, so there's this newfound pressure to perform, even though I know that it really doesn't matter. You are all so non-judgemental, kind, and open-minded toward the work I post. I need to stop thinking so hard and just do it because I love it not because I want people to like it.

5. Be nice to myself: I've been kind of a meanie-bo-beanie lately. I remind people all the time that they should be proud of their unique voice and write because they love it, yet I'm getting down on myself for not sounding more like authors who are long dead and gone. I need to take my own advice and appreciate my work for what it is and stop comparing it to what it's not.

Anyway, thanks for reading my ramblings. I'll leave you with these questions: What do you do when you experience burnout? How do you recognize it?

Au revior for now. If I don't come back, refer to rule #3, and then virtually smack me upside the head <3