Nano-Day 6

My first thought was to write a devotional. You know those handy books that you can pick up once a day and get a message to carry you through. I love those. I’ve read from many and they are actually really helpful to get your mind centered and to focus on something other than what might be rolling around in your head.

I read one daily called Jesus Calling. I feel like every morning it gives me just a tidbit of what I need to get through the day. It reminds me that I am not in control and that the time I spend with Jesus is instrumental. It gives me some peace and a feeling of presence. I feel less alone after reading that daily devotion.

In early recovery, I read a lot of different ones about sobriety and healing the inner child. The books turned warped and ragged because they were used so much until I would eventually pass them on to someone else.

So in writing for Nano, I thought it would be fun to put together 365 days of devotions or words of wisdom. The trouble is I am having a hard time coming up with much wisdom. I realized I am better at writing inspirational pieces that are about 600-1600 words while being able to just write 150 words is proving to be an undertaking. My thoughts are too random. My stories are too long-winded. I don’t know any Bible verses. I don’t have a ton of advice or suggestions. I am self-centered. I don’t care enough in my current state to share daily wisdom and I am not sure anyone else would care to read it. Lol.

I will keep promoting the book I have just written and published, which was a huge undertaking. I want it to do well. I want to share my message of strength and hope in memoir form.

I know my dreams are coming true. I know God has a path laid in front of me. I know I will succeed. I know I will find happiness and freedom. I feel a glimmer of it today, and it has been a while. It has been a long while since I have felt this happy and free so I know what it can feel like. I know what it feels like to finally have "a thing”, a talent, something I am good at, that is for me. I’ve thought for years I had nothing but raising kids and teaching. But here I am now calling myself a writer. Seeing my book on bookshelves (on consignment, but still) and writing article after article on social media sites.

For the years I spent trudging and feeling not good enough, blaming others for my life circumstances I now finally feel that I am rising like a phoenix and the flames and ash are behind me. I have my glorious tail feathers rising and I am free.

I never understood how I would be able to afford to finish my book (publishing can be expensive if you are not picked up by a big publishing house) there are editors and cover designers. It’s not cheap. I had to humble myself and look around. I had to ask for deals and make payments, but I didn’t give up. Well, some days I did, but luckily not for too long.

So maybe that devotional book will happen someday. I would also love to write a children's book someday. I am obsessed with children's books.

But for now, here I sit trying to make my daily writing goal for NaNoWriMo.

Here is my first practice devotion:

“Today, I will be grateful for what I have. I will look up for guidance and choose to see outside of myself. I will look forward versus backward and I will know I am worth all of the good things happening to me and for me. I will let love radiate from my soul and hope that my smile warms someone's heart. I will be quick to forgive and it will feel easy to share my love with others.”