I Just Want To Write, God Dang It.

Many people have to get up at 4:00 AM to do what their heart desires. They cram what they love into the first hour of their day and then drudge through the rest with the things they have to do to get to do the one thing that they actually want to be doing.

Or they trudge through their days waiting to get home to finally be done with errands, chores, and other responsibilities to finally sit down and take some time for themselves.

Of course, many of us have the dream to do what we love all day long. Would we still love it if we did it all day long?

I brought myself to the local library to try to find a quiet place to write, not remembering that I need to wear a mask here, which is not conducive to giving my brain enough oxygen to be fully creative.

There are no comfy chairs and I will have to seek out a new place for next time, but I am participating in the NaNoWriMo this month as a Rebel Non-Fiction Writer and am on day 2. I just wrote a book so I have no idea what I am doing but thought it sounded like a good challenge. My computer is dying and I can’t find an outlet. So the library has proven to be an asshole place to write.

Before I pack up to leave though...I earlier walked down the section called Non-Fiction-Self Help. I absolutely could get lost in that section. I’ve always been drawn to it. I absolutely love every book in it. How do people read or write fiction? I am at a loss, but so many do.

I published a non-fiction self-help book about addiction and recovery. I imagine seeing it on those shelves someday. I imagine how good it would feel to see my book at Target or Barnes and Noble, but the library for me would be hitting the absolute jackpot.

I’ve heard Glennon Doyle say a few profound things; the first is that when she first started writing, it was in a tiny closet because it was the only place quiet where her little children wouldn’t find her. The second is that every day, every single day, she got up and wrote on her blog site (MOMASTERY), and no matter what she just wrote and wrote whatever was on her heart and mind and then hit send. She didn’t fret about it or worry about it. She had to just send it. And then after her writing went out into the world where there were critics and people who may have misunderstood her message she had to let it go. She couldn’t be a lawyer for her writing or prove it’s worth to anyone else, she had to just let it be.

Another thing is, how did people even write before Grammarly or spell check? When I finish writing there are so many red underlines. I would not have been able to write in Ancient Times. Thank God the Bible had translators and editors.

My own published book has typos. What the actual F? I had two editors, a publisher, and so many friends read it. Someone was lying to me. Oh, Don’t worry, Melissa. Every book has typos. Really? Maybe, but not mine. Mine needs to be perfect.

I digress, but what I am saying here is writing is life. Writing is what I look forward to, but do you ever feel like you have to fight through so many other things to find your writing time and place?

But in the same breath, if it’s our passion we must, right?

I’ve personally never wanted writing to feel like a job. When I am writing time stands still and I feel at peace and ease. Sounds like a pretty rad job to me. But what about being on a deadline? Would I still enjoy writing if I HAD to do it? I wonder. Right now it’s a fun extra. I have a day job, but I like to imagine I am a writer full time, traveling and doing book signings, staying in fancy hotels. Being asked to come to speak at engagements with hundreds or thousands of people awaiting my arrival and words of wisdom. Would I like that? Would I miss my family? Could they come along? Could I be the breadwinner? Could my husband quit his job? Could we travel and homeschool? Could I go to Europe?

Would I be too tired, get jet lag? Or would I finally feel invigorated and full of life? On mission, sharing my hopes and desires with millions.

Whoa, I went off on a tangent there, but it sounds pretty amazing. Flight delays, crowded airports, Ubers. Hotels. I’m into it.

Fancy clothes, hair, and make-up. I’m sold.

This is my new vision board: Fancy food. Paparazzi. People Magazine.

I’m really getting ahead of myself here. I would love to be the next Brene Brown. I have so much respect for that lady. She just gets up and tells it how it is. Maybe she would invite me on her Podcast, Brene? Rich Roll? Mel Robbins? Glennon. I am here, waiting patiently for my big break.

Oh dang, my kid is home, time to make dinner.