Missing in Action

I know nobody asked for a life update, but sometimes I just need to get these thoughts in my head out so that they stop floating around and keeping me up at night... and boy have I been up at night.

I feel exhausted all the time and can't seem to find enough hours in the day to get everything done.. accompanied by not being able to sleep at night because my stupid brain NEVER SHUTS UP.

I don't even know how to say what I feel I need to say without sounding like "Poor me." because the last thing I ever want is pity. I'm just curious..

I've always heard things such as, "Gotta get through the storm to see the rainbow!" or "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

How much stronger do people need to be? If my body (or my brain) could reflect the hell it's been put through.. I feel like I could compete with the world's top body builders. I've struggled with abusive relationships, broken family, cancer...

And just when you think, "Things couldn't possibly get worse than this. It's GOTTA get better from here." The world or the Lord humbles you real quick and slaps you right in the face with something bigger.

Vocal is probably my favorite platform on the internet. The community always seems so encouraging and friendly towards people and their work and it's honestly such a breath of fresh air compared to the political shit storm that is Facebook. I love reading everyone's stories and have really enjoyed all of the ones I've read over the last two days while slowing down and taking the time to catch up. Honestly, y'all have such great ideas!

I've seen so many challenges I wish I had the energy to join in on (specifically this one created by one of my favorite writers here) but I just can't do it right now...

I haven't had a chance to read many of the entries yet but this one written by another of my favorite writers, Lamar Wiggins- is pretty great!

I have so many stories floating around in my head but mostly I'm just consumed with a lot of personal stuff right now and I hate it. My health has taken a pretty rough turn and I have been trying to focus on getting the help I need and doing what I need to do as well as maintain all the normalcy I can and also NOT think too much about what may or may not happen.

On top of my own health issues, my grandma has been in the ICU for a few days with her own issues and my brain also is not handling that well.

Again, I know nobody asked... and maybe no one even notices I'm not around. However, if you do notice that I disappear sometimes, thanks for that ^_^ And if you notice one day I maybe don't come back- know that it probably wasn't by my own choice.

I want to try and write something worth reading soon- but who knows if I'll actually do it or not. I'm in such a weird place right now.

Anyways, if you made it this far, thanks for reading my rambling thoughts and seriously, thank all of you for sharing such great stories on this platform! I love reading them, even if I only pop in once a month or so. Catching up these past few days has really helped me keep my brain a little busier. <3

-Sara