Memories: 4 December 2023

4 December 2023

4 December 2022

Beauregard is so proud and happy with his kong ball. I went to lie down as he’s been driving me nuts with that ball. So he joined me on the bed and wanted a snuggle. No rest from Bobo and his ball.

4 December 2020

I had my debrief with my psychiatrist today. It was intense given the multifaceted triggers of the past week. Also my hypomanic state.

He told me that I am highly evolved, empowered and have found my Voice after 20 years of therapy. He reminded me of the treachery of my first psychiatrist and that of my former friend Gail. We agreed that their actions were delegitimising and in my words “profoundly evil!”

I told him about my fight with the gym owner of Sage on the Holland park forum this morning. He says I got triggered as I was dealing with yet another Narcissist. I am easily reactive at the moment due to the hypomania.

I agreed.

He told me that It is okay that I love Dave even though I am well Aware of his sick passive aggression. That I can love whomever I want but that I know I deserve a safe, healthy relationship or a happy life on my own which has been my only option so far!

I agreed. I have been much happier (until I got slammed with hypomania with the summer heat/Christmas period triggers!)

I told my doctor that getting involved with yet another Abuser would be tantamount to suicide and If I were to suicide it must be purely and solely my own Choice: not be pushed to the edge by some dirty evil bastard!

But I told him that I am a Deeply Powerful Woman and I know I am going to be okay!

I am okay! No matter what... I am okay!

4 December 2019

I went to feed the goldfish and on the way back up the path found this feather. It looks plain straight on but if you turn it slightly it flashes a beautiful sky blue. A little gift from the birds and the sky beings. ;-)

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I woke up this morning and went outside to make my morning milk libations to the four directions and the spirits and ancestors that love me.

I was delighted to see a mating pair of very happy fat Kookaburras swimming in the small spa bath I set up for the dog to bathe in to cool off on these scathing hot days. It’s also for the wildlife.

The birds smiled back at me, preening their feathers. They were so happy and grateful. Housing wanted me to get rid of this little pond too but it really is for the birds and they can just fuck off.

My visiting kookaburras love their birdbath sooo much. Other birds come throughout the day too, to drink and swim. (They can’t bathe in my two remaining fishponds as I have steel on top to protect the goldfish). But the crows do love to drop scraps of carrion or bread in the top waterfall (which is gross!) but they like their food softened up I suppose.

Anyway I feel very peaceful right now.

I was going to euthanise little Sophie this week but she must have sensed her impending demise as she has started eating again. Yet another reprieve. But she is so skinny that I really should just do it!!!

I guess as long as she is eating even small amounts she deserves another chance.

Julie Goddard: just let her go naturally

Me: It’s been well over a month.

JG: one day she will leave the house and you wont see her again or she will go in her sleep

Me: Yeah she already left house for 11 days. Came back a much more appreciative pussycat. But it’s taking a long time to either recover or die. I joke she is a Zombie cat but it’s no laughing matter.

But yes, not sure whether to kill her off or let her go in her own time. Today was gonna be the day but she ate well last night.

4 December 2018

I had a lovely dinner with my niece and nephew, Ruby and Mark. Ruby cooked a delicious curry and we had pavlovas for dessert. I brought my Chanukiah over so Mark and Ayesha and Isaac could light the candles and have Chanukah gelt. So it was very lovely.

The third night of Chanukah was their grand mother (and great grandmother!) Hilda Arons’ Jewish Birthday. (Her secular Birthday was 13 December!) so it was nice to be all together with that branch of the family tree. I think Hilda would have been happy to see us together, lighting the Chanukiah. 🙂

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4 December 2017

Here She Blows, Wild Wet Bitchin’ Beauty!!!!

Thank You G-d! Xxx

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A big storm is rolling in and like everything in my life it’s “ultra-spiritual”. Lmao. G-d is Great. Thor and Odin are practising rolling heads again!

4 December 2016

I can't get rid of my pressure headache. Grrr. Might go to bed early!

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Watching Preacher on Stan. It is like a cross between True Blood and Pulp Fiction.

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Woke up at 3pm. Boiling hot. But I am so grateful for the rain we got yesterday afternoon in that incredible storm.

I had 2 fantastic nights dancing with my beautiful amazing friends. I am so happy and grateful for the magic of loving friendships, for the kindness, generosity and most of all for our fun and laughter.

Thank you G-d for sustaining me, and bringing me to this season of joy. Amen!

4 December 2015

I just clipped Beauregard's nails. They were surprisingly long for such a little fellow.

4 December 2014

4.57 am. Not been to bed yet. Attempted to put glow in dark resin on my staff. Umm...epic fail. The goop went hot and hardened faster than I could shove it in there.

Worse yet, in my panic to utilise $25 worth of goop by shoving as much in as I could, I kicked over the acetone and it poured all over my floor. It has probably stripped my floor varnish. Arrrghhhhhh!!

So then more panic stations as I quickly got detergent to wash off the acetone from the affected part of floor. Then another half hour to clean the excess goo off my staff.

All I can say is I really should try not to do random home maintenance/ craft work and goop off at 3 in the morning.

Now my nerves are shattered. I have ruined my staff and the floor and so on that note, having opened every window and door in the house so the cats and I don't get stoned from the fumes, I will attempt sleep.

4 December 2013

Thank you Hashem and the exquisite Sarah Birt for the wonderful Chanukah (Christmas) Hamper! So much food and I managed to fit it in my freezer, which is awesome.

I was praying for a miracle and this surprise package was gifted to me in less than 24 hours. A lesson in Faith in the Abundance of the Universe and I am grateful that Sarah shared her christmas bonus with me!

She also made a yummy dinner and we spent some quality time with her house-mate Darren.

Happy Grateful Woman here! Xxx

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More good news to come when Crystal is willing to let me skite!

I am delighted to be surrounded by such beautiful positive successful people as my Daughter and my gorgeous friends who are so supportive.

Baruch Hashem! A thousand Blessings on your heads.

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Disturbing and fairly accurate description of modern first world societies. The Death of the Empire and the birth of Barbarism. I see this every weekend on my nights out.

The breakdown of courtesy, respect, chivalry and feeling safe. I am fighting my own quiet (or not so quiet) campaign every weekend to demand to be treated as an equal, as a mensch, as a woman who more often than not, finds myself 'protective' of others around me.

We are so accustomed to violence and crass rudeness that most women and many men, are afraid to confront the leery behaviours of others. I repeatedly instruct younger women around me to just say NO! And Mean IT.

Unfortunately, under the sedation of alcohol, and the peer pressure to find the elusive Love Partner, many of our young and not-so-young persist and literally barking up the wrong trees.

It makes for a very fraught experience when there are literally few options for a saner, more stable existence than to actively choose to stay alone.

Fortunately many of my friends have, or are discovering the same, and we are able to support each other while enjoying ourselves on the dance-floor, with or without alcohol in our system.

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4.45am busy night. Re-hung some photos of the girls in spare bedroom. Did several loads of washing. Loved looking at the stars as I hung out the washing.

I went to Irish Murphy's for a few hours to listen to Woody play. Came home at 1 am but got the "Home Maintenance" bug that Jarrod and Crystal always tease me about.

I should go to bed but not tired yet. I changed the sheets so it will be lovely when I finally get there!

4 December 2012

I had an interesting encounter with a power animal tonight, actually a bird of prey, an owl. I had heard outside my front door a terrible screeching and thinking it was two possums either fighting or mating, I ran outside to look for the noisy little culprits.

I couldn't see any possums in the tree, but something made me go downstairs and stand under the tree and look into the darkness at the boughs, and sure enough I spied an owl there. It looked down at me, watching me suspiciously, and I hailed it with a quiet but friendly Hello.

It leaned its body closer to the bough, so that it was snuggled closer in an attempt to disguise its form and for a few moments I thought I was seeing not an owl but a possum after all. So I walked around the tree, and looked at the creature from several different angles, and it also, looked down at me, feeling less fearful I guess.

So I called up in delight and amazement, "Oh you are an Owl after all", as I had thought it might have been either a marsupial possum or a tawny Frogmouth, and to my surprise, it spoke back to me with two distinct Owlish "Hoos".

I was enraptured! Then my owl friend took off into the night, with a flurry of wings, and I returned to my living room.

See below: the meaning of Owl, from www.Shamanicjourney.com. I found this very interesting!

Owl Power Animal, Symbol of Wisdom, Stealth, Secrecy, Part II Posted By Ina Woolcott

Humans are able to block out that which we don’t want to remember or deal with, e.g. memories with negative emotions attached to them, traumas, and accidents etc. We deny that about ourselves which we do not wish to see. When dreaming, sometimes our unconscious mind becomes conscious. However, again these dreams are forgotten on purpose. Hiding from our selves, our feelings, emotions and thoughts means we are being deceitful - to our selves. If owl has found you - they have the ability to unmask and see what is truly beneath the surface. They pierce illusion. On the flip side, perhaps you have the ability to pierce illusions and see what is really going on behind the scenes, to see what is going on in the darkness of others souls. Perhaps you have noticed that people are a little uncomfortable around you. Use this gift carefully and compassionately. It would be good for this gift to develop in all humans, for owl teaches us to look into the darkest parts of our souls and learn from this darkness.

There are circa 135 species of Owl, 17 0f which are found in North America. They come in all sizes, from a tiny miniature that lives inside the cactus in the desert, to the great horned owl - the only bird able to out-fly the golden eagle. To see a fully grown great horned is awe inspiring. They have furry talons that closely resemble the paws of a baby mountain lion with claws extended. Being meat-eaters means they are a force to be reckoned with if challenged, or if something dear to them is threatened. Their large and forward facing eyes gives them a wise appearance. They have a greater range of movement in their necks than any other animal with a spinal column. Owls turn their heads, not their eyes, which are stationary.

The owl is keenly aware of its surroundings. Its night vision is so powerful that it can see prey when the light is the same as a candle burning 2500 feet away. Their extremely soft, thick wings let them fly silently to swoop down on their prey. Their ability to move unnoticed teaches us how to do the same. As well as their almost supernatural eyesight, they have supernatural hearing.

Their secretive ways, silent flight and differing calls such as whistles, shrill screeches and hoots, have made the owl symbols of superstition and even fear in some parts of the world. Some native tribes regard owl as a symbol of death, whilst others will believe that they represent the mysteries of shamanism and witchcraft. Owls are sometimes believed to visit those about to die. This doesn’t so much mean a physical death as much as it means letting go of a part of you that no longer serves you. With their spectral senses, the owl helps guide us through the dark tunnels of fear, change and unknowing to the light at the other end.

Owl people generally are private complex people and don't like others to know what they are really thinking. Sometimes this can cause misinterpretations, especially in personal relationships. Owl people also often have clairvoyant and psychic abilities. People born with this power animal have chosen a path that implies a need to develop these gifts for the aid of others and they make excellent therapists, psychologists and counsellors.

For part 1 of Owl Power Animal click here: Owl Power Animal, Symbol of Wisdom, Stealth, Secrecy, Part I

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Actually as well as continuing on with my archery which I have barely grasped the basics of...I would like one day to learn the ancient art of Falconry. That would be cool, then I could have my own Owl, like Harry Potter.

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Still awake after going to bed at 2 am so much rattling around my head and so much awe and sense of excitement. Hopefully I get a decent sleep later. I've been lying in bed trying to sleep listening to the Alsatian barking down the road and and imagining the sounds of someone walking on my property to kill the chickens. This thing has gotten me really hyper vigilant and will take some time for me to feel safe again.

Meanwhile Hecate hen has been broody on the nest all day yesterday so I will have to put a few old golf balls in the nest to trick her into thinking she has babies on the way.

I picked her up and gave her a lovely cuddle and a chat and she nuzzled me with her beak and closed her eyes ci tentedly but when I put her back in the coop she hopped back in the nest to brood some more.

I think she is also grieving, not just Lilith and Morgana but the 3 little ones, Merlin, Astrid and Ri-ri. She had teamed up with the younger 3 and is just bereft now they are gone and as she is excluded by Elvira and Tabitha she has taken to her Nest. Poor love!

Tomorrow I will make time to play with them and Bella and the cats as I was out today getting my hair done and out all weekend. Bella and I might take a drive to, and have a long lovely walk at Wynnum Beach tomorrow arvo, if and when it cools down a bit.

4 December 2009

I'm schvitzing like a Hog, Plutzing like a neurotic, kvetching like kretchzer and schmirking like a Cheshire Cat!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons