Memories: 30 December 2023

30 December 2023

I had another wonderful wild night. Young Alex came to dance beside me, to mosh for the hard rock songs, his girlfriend Stacey by his left side. We moshed hard, flipping our long blonde hair (his natural and very long and mine foiled!) in the Viking Berserker heavy metal way that we manifest from our soul signatures. Joyous, defiant, wild, triumphant.

The song ended and he turned to me and said “You know I love you, don’t you Tanya?!” I was a tad astonished. So I replied “Ohhh how sweet...and thank you!” He turned his head, perhaps feeling foolish at his unexpected vow of agapé love. I paused a few beats, then replied “I love you too, Alex!” He smiled.

I know it’s platonic and predicated on our wild Viking Shamanic dance. He has Stacey and is too young for me anyway. But it was still lovely to be told that I am loved. I had noticed he dances near me, for the past few months.

Earlier he was pretending to be a male stripper and I was laughing. He positioned his butt in front of me and I pretended to swat at his butt. Jokingly! We both laughed.

A nice couple sitting opposite, were watching and also laughing. The man handed me ten dollars so I grinned and snatched it from him, quickly lifted up Alex’s shirt which was loose over his trousers, and shoved the ten bucks inside his underpants elastic, (like a real stripper!)

He howled with laughter, as did we all. Delightful. And like a gentleman, he handed the ten dollars back to the man, as we all knew we were just being silly and mischievous. The man didn’t really want his ten dollars back but I nodded at him smartly so he demurred. Lovely!

I came home and made a bloody intense depressed video about all the love that is flowed to me in recent months since Beauregard died but cannot be consummated as all my “suitors” are unavailable: either married, in relationship or gay.

Also because the gods seemingly won’t allow my inner warrior goddess to have a sexual love/life partner. So I am distressed, disappointed and frustrated. But it is what it is.

In time the right man will come along. Perhaps in the next dimension. In the meantime I enjoy my platonic wild loves who treat me with kindness and integrity. And our wild dance!

…

6:57 pm

30 December 2022

11.18 am I just woke up. I had another mini-series of nightmares this morning. This time I dreamt that my former marital home was on fire and I was going in and out of it, calmly ushering both my children out of the house and making sure my cats were safe.

The left hand side was on fire but the fire was coming from beneath the house. Some subterranean event. My former husband was closer to where the fire was but he seemed not to care. I didn’t seem overly concerned either.

I told him to gather up sone chenge of clothes and most valuable things. But he sat and muttered to himself about “getting a new house”. I went into the house several times, grabbing clothes for the kids and some jewellery.

Eventually the fire department arrived and asked me what I was doing? I told them, as usual I was surviving.

I abhor firemen (not my friend Phil Harris!) but I have not had pleasant experiences in the past with them. I worked for QFRA briefly and it was awful.

I woke up and smiled to myself. I saw some people hawking calendars of semi-naked firemen last week at Carindale shops and I just grimaced in disgust. Yes I know firemen are necessary but they used to harass me at that former marital home, conducting burn offs and it would play havoc with my serious asthma so I developed at noxious hate for them.

One had to bring in his supervisor who was actually a decent man and agreed it was life threatening for me and I should have been notified in advance. He told his minion to stand down as he and I were almost at the point of fighting with our fists. (I never back down when a man is threatening me lol!)

Anyway, that was many many years ago now. So why I am having nightmares about that house, that ex husband, and fires I have no idea.

I have beeen beset by nightmares all week or in recent weeks. Change is coming. I must hold my line. The fire did not affect me in the dreamscape. I accepted it that I was about to lose everything and was concerned only with preserving our lives. Once again I was in my protecter archetype.

In real life I often do that. Go into protector mode, often placing my own self in serious danger. It occurred to me yesterday that my advocating against the current Covid epoch is another manifestation of my Protector archetype and I have felt so helpless and griefstricken, having to watch the consequences of millions of people not listen to common sense and go along with the narrative even at the risk of their own children.

That is what kills me. So I guess the nightmares will continue ad nauseum, as I was unable to prevent this.

Even though logically I know it was not my fault that they were so mass formation psychotic they would not listen to my pleas. I am wondering what kind of society will be left when the dust of this war on humanity settles? Who will be by my side? How will I survive into the future with a gene altered population in the millions?

It’s a living nightmare without end.

30 December 2021

I keep dreaming…and having invasive unwelcome thoughts of Michelle Briner or whatever name she is functioning under these days.

This tells me that perhaps she or someone close to her has died. Hmmm. Weird.

30 December 2020

…

Last night (or rather this morning I had intense dreams about my former friend Gail).

I also dreamed that I went to the Canary Islands on a cruise and that we were all on a tour when suddenly we were variously struck with diarrhoea. Yellow shit sliding from our bodies which was deeply humiliating. I went to jump into a lake but the tour guide stopped me saying it was dangerous waters. I was sorely tempted to dive into the lake anyway.

Gail approached me but I insisted I want nothing to do with her, or Lucy or Christina. I held firm. She seemed sad but also there was a slight vengeful aggression to her demeanour.

I woke up thinking...yuck! I hope she does not make contact in real life!

Hmm interesting symbology... canaries which are often yellow... and yellow shit!

Shit is an omen of money coming or good fortune so I will be happy to take that. But the yellow livered traitor and the symbology of the Canary Islands (which I have visited when I was 8 on the cruises to and from Germany!). No idea. Probably just my sleep apnoea brain defragmenting.

…

11:11 am my Angels are smiling... smoking...cutting deals on the threshing floor. What shall we do with The Tanya now?!

Let her play..sashay away...walk her cosmic walk on the circle of life that takes her round and round on a different groove watching the one she loves avoid her so smoothly but cruelly. A nod from the curtain...you got this Tanya!

Oh I know...I know... it’s only illusion and the evil one must have its way, while the goddess of love must have her daydreaming and night steaming enchantments. A bind across all dimensions. A bore.

No more, no more…she must begin the Beguine with a life stream and let shits flow where they must go and hold her end of the bargain of troth! Unrequited but not smited: they watch and wait and worry!

What news from the Underworld? What miracles wrought by golden hands in the highest echelons of the Most High?!

A sigh...an out breath I forgot to exit stage left on. Cast back and back to be outcasted and outclassed by classless buffoons, we meet my Doom but illuminate the gloaming Gloom Forsooth to say: true love will Always find its way. Perhaps another lifetime or another day!

…

The shadows stretch and yawn into the disappearing dawns of time dismembered by Memory. The veil of Forgetting bringing relief and release to old stored traumas that no longer serve to embody grace or peace or even the garish battlefield that fed my lifeforce in enervation, innovation and even motivation to survive.

Letting go of those who harmed me like a handkerchief cast to a gentle zephyr floating in eternity to land at the feet of a worthy Knight but instead it were my Ladies who sought to rescue me and they were fiercer than a thousand fire breathing dragons when anyone tried to bring down The Tanya.

My beautiful soul friends who kept starvation, slander and poverty and misery at bay...who fed me from their eternal holy divinely feminine sources. A fountain of sparkling tinkling Hope that cascaded above those rocks of Death and of Wrath.

My Warrior goddess Mothers/Sisters who knew I deserved happiness and rest and peace. Who stood at the edge of the fray and played to my Truth which was also their Truth.

Who saw me and knew my spirit (often without me even uttering a word). Who danced beside me and held my head above turgid waters.

Graceful, gracious and grateful. Greatness thrust upon us by evil Knaves and unholy henchmen.

A dream of nightmarish proportions losing itself in the fog of dis-memory.

I despair no longer. My angels have spread their wings. Wild, wide, quavering, quivering, sensate feathery cloaks of honour and sweet love and protection.

Thank you my Beloveds. Thank you to the gods and archangels, angels and elementals, to Gaia our earth which blesses me daily with her bounty and her beauty. To life! L’Chaim!

30 December 2019

A love letter for Tanya:

8:26 am. My! But you are awake early. I laughed when you went to let the dog out in your sarong, hair all tangled and brain not quite synapsing, still in sleep mode. Warren, your neighbour welcoming the RACQ man as he had car trouble. He shoots you a look and a vague smile.

You just smile tightly as the cold wars continue and you hate aberrant hypocrites. But you are beautiful in your wildness and you saunter down (still having trouble walking as you frequently stumble first thing in the morning or sometimes during the day if over-tired) with your old lady gait to feed the fish in both remaining ponds then stagger back up the path and call Bobo in.

You are so beautiful and worthy of a truly great love but life brought you only wastrels and murderers and other assorted schmucky schlocky dickheads so you just flick your hair and roll your shoulders and carry on sublimely divine, dreaming of a life where you are adored, simply for being.

Gorgeous Golden Girl wild and free. Take delight in all that is You. You are the Becoming. Enjoy every breath and every single moment of every day.

It passes so quickly and while you were being lied to, cheated on, abused by vacuous lacklustre curs you grew old and somehow after all that loss and deprivation, bathos and degradation you grew into the most magnificent Woman with a perfectly shining soul.

Men still tell you you are sexy and desirable too. Which pisses you off because you are more than smooth luscious legs and a vagina. But these vile creeps (who did it on purpose to drive you away from their “circle” so they can spawn and writhe in their own Narcopathy) should know better than to degrade The Tanya or any other Woman!!!

But let me tell you Little One...I rebuilt you this way. Triumphantly beautiful and sexy! Flaunt your beauty in your cronedom, thrive in your Survival. Flick your hair and laugh at the mere male mockery. They are like walking vermin unable to measure up against your power. They know it. Why they strive to debase you.

Cleave to your gods and the true friends that honour you and support you and love you clean and clear with no fear or need to demonise you My Beloved Little One.

I...as always...have your back. Yesterday you seeped with sadness and longing. The last few days actually.

But today is another day and time to stem that flow of unrequited grief. He was not worthy of you. Not kind. Not noble. Not loving. And yes, we gods had a bit of a play in that. We wanted you to integrate your love and rage and courage and express your own unique divinity and truly see with your own heart whom you are.

So we brought THAT one to you because he was the perfect love rat but not as vicious as the other partners as we thought we knew how far to push you but we misaligned in August 2015 when you were pushed too far!

The reward for your Love and unique power will be more love and more power so you will live in great peace and resistance to all the awful shit mere humans keep flicking at you. It shall slide off your Titanium exterior and the heart will heal itself on the interior for you have the gift of insight to witness their callow petty games and frenetic fumbling foibles.

Your Love is Eternal, flowing like a volcanic streaming yet stunningly beautiful. Even he, knows it!

Love,

(Insert The Name here!)

PS: Lmao. “Pièce De Resistance”. Shine bright like a Diamond, Titanium Tanya. I adore you. Uphold you. Honour you. Uplift you. Ennoble you. They will never win against you. Not even in Death!

You remain True Blessèd One.

I am holding you precious...dancing you to the end of every beginning and then some...I promised you Enlightenment and always to find the end of the “story” and the truth behind the bullshit dramatic Deceptions.

Incominggggg.... they will lie at your feet. Beg your mercy. Laugh and choose life. Be cautiously merciful to those who prove they are deeply Sorry and have altered their foul behaviour.

For you know your own mortality and own flaws: loving too much.

…

Thinking of all the varied ways I was sold down the river by women in my life. Women who internalised their rage and sychophantically sold their souls and freedom to their man gods/man dingoes. Fellating their narcissist psychopathic Abusers so they could keep their careers/houses/possessions and betrayed their children, their own souls in the quest for “Success”.

Here’s looking at you Kid. I See You. Shaking that arse, hustling that narcopath playbook. I almost fell into that loop that intertwines from Hell to Hellian.

But I “died” for my dignity. Made a sacrifice for my Love and you will not get me to slay my soul for your trivial convivial psychopathy.

20 years of therapy. They tried to kill me in such genteel subterranean subversive ways. Tried to use me. Abuse me. Harvest my soul like the louche (Fermez la bouche!). Open legs and slithering cum-stained snakes. Hahaha. Welcome to your Awakening Sisters of Oestros. Open only for a man who Values you. Not with trinkets or money or homes quickly dismantled in “family courts” run by perverts.

But your true Value. Your heart and mind and soul! Reclaim your Mind. Seal your Heart. Honour your Goddess!

She is waiting for your Godot-esque Sublimination (sublimation, Sublime, Sub...ssssss). After all, you lay in beds of men who only ever played you and sold your own children to the global elites. To succour their lust and craving for desolation.

Gaia is reclaiming her broken ones. Holding us with glory and subterranean peace. Glowing us. Crowing us. Celebrating us. Can your hear her breath of life whimsically blowing onto your neck, calling you from your zombie sleep?....

Woman. Reborn. Recalibrated. Sate only those with your beauteous loins who truly adore you. The price: isolation, marginalisation, growing back from the lies and treachery.

Worth it!

30 December 2018

30 December 2017

3.56 am Home from a good night out with Brendan, Jenny and Karen.

Now soothing my soles in a hot Epsom Salt bath, with a cup of tea.

Good morning y’all! Just got serenaded by a very early morning chorus of Kookaburras. They are having the last laugh of the night.

…

11:11 am. Wow. Just woke up from one of my repetitive dreams. The lava one. Watching a volcano erupt and frantically scrambling to save personal items.

Weird dream. I don’t recognise the house. It was white and full of bright light, and modern with large open plan rooms. I could feel the heat of the mountainside thrumming with tension. I am running through the house frantically trying to decide what to take with me.

I grab a little fox terrier dog, yell at my elderly mother “Where is his leash, Mum, we don’t have time for this”. She replies “Oh you know, darling, he doesn’t have one”. I roll my eyes. Utterly useless as usual. I grab a pet carrier, put the dog inside it. In the garage at the rear of the house I find several large bottles of Ouzo, Vodka etc.

The Ouzo bottles are round and decorative (of course my brain had to make that look like a collectors item! Lmao) so I shrug and grab one of them and a big bottle of Vodka. Throw them into a bag. (Weird thing is I never buy Ouzo, but Trevor used to buy it, along with other top shelf Spirits at Christmas time so old ptsd flashbacks).

I look around, still frantic, thinking what else to take for my escape from the lava. I see lava, the colour of brackish blood, streaming towards the house. Tiny rivulets but behind those steaming harbingers will be the explosion of death. Fuck! No time, no time. I run out the door. Resigned that I am about to lose everything.

Wake up! Wake up! Look around. Safe in my bed in Holland Park in my dingy little house. No beautiful Modern contemporary mansion. No Ouzo. No Lava. Breathe!

Here we go! Another day!

30 December 2015

If I were super rich I would have my hair styled every day, like my former boss Suzy Van Der Kwast at Suzy's Coffee Lounge in Willis Street, Wellington. She would shriek at me if I showed up for work, waitressing, without makeup.

I was 15. A perfect young face. Makeup sweated off me during the day. But no! She would bat her arms at me and send me upstairs out of the public eye to plaster crap on my nubile face.

Vanity and narcissism. I would not leave my front door for years without makeup. Afraid to show my naked unadulterated face! Now I am barefaced and barefooted at home. I only wear makeup for the War of the sexes when I go dancing. Haha!

…

My spirituality helped me survive my religion. The same spirituality that my parents educated me with but used to demonise me.

The same religion I chose to belong to, a world family of (I hoped) good loving pure people that were so corrupted they too demonised me, some even accusing me of being a witch. So guess what?!

I chose G-d and Me, beyond all paths and all dogma, beyond all karma, beyond their errant envied pock-marked poxied opinion of me. I became everything and more of what I am becoming.

I became beautiful when I was told I was ugly. Powerful and intelligent when told stupid and useless. That witch thing? Come burn me babies, as I have suffered for being a good kind decent woman all my life in a hell of others' toxic creation.

I burn bright like a star. All that is left for me is death (yeah, some failed at killing me too, they were that weak). Shunning worked for a while but when 'they' (an entire board of my former Temple here in Brisbane, at a Special General Meeting in 1990) realised that falsely calling me a Nazi and ordering me not to bring my non-Jewish German mother to shule services was not going to get rid of this determined little Reform Jewish woman or her tiny tots (I fought for them to be jews as much as for myself. Also for basic human rights for myself, my mother and my children and others, who might follow me).

Later when I attempted an Orthodox conversion I was again slandered and abused. To the point that in great distress, I came across my Orthodox rabbi and his Rebbetzin in the Sinai College car park.

Yes! I sent my two beautiful girls to a Jewish day school where, with only 40 children, the bullying could be intense but with zealous fervour I wanted a Jewish education for my children.

There in the car park, my beautiful rabbi, gave me an old Siddur which he had intended to bury in the Geniza but decided was still in good shape. He pressed it into my hands.

“Mrs Arons, don't cry. I accept you as a Jew and G-d accepts you as a Jew and that is all that ever matters. Forget the rest but never forget you are a Jew. G-d Bless you".

I cried even more ardently. To be unconditionally loved and accepted is all I had ever wanted, yearned for, prayed for. This was 1994. Years passed. Many more horrible events took place. Imposed upon me by Jewish men.

I grew strange, I grew older. I survived. To survive I isolated myself from the community. This year is the very first time I have not been, even as a token gesture, a member of a progressive congregation. I am relieved to have regained my integrity and freedom.

Good wise genuine friends supported me during this year, during threats of Defamation. Harassment and abuse that went on for several months. Eventually it ceased. Why? I had not named the person publicly and I am a destitute broken woman. You can only flog a dead or dying horse so many times.

This past year attacks came thick and fast from people in all aspects of my life: from my social hub, from my Jewish community, even from Qld Police when I asked for assistance.

This final betrayal led to a life and death situation. My life, my death and my life again. Each time I fail to die, even by my own choice, I come back stronger, wiser but infinitely more fragile.

This 'witch', this Jew, this woman has been burned. Seared, fricasseed, thirsted, hungered, dried out. But she is still here.

So are many many other survivors of abuse. Child sexual abuse - the 'gift' that keeps giving that causes a cascade of trauma for a lifetime.

Thank you to the 3 Rabbis who fought for me and my daughters. Thank you to those good kind decent people who advocated for me behind the scenes and who chose to stand with me. You are Heros and Heroines. Just for choosing righteousness amidst so much evil.

We live and die by our choices. I hope in spite of my struggles that at the end of my time on earth, my choices are a blessing to the Universe, to myself and to others who understand.

PS: Little mind burst on Facebook in response to a post on Shunning and ongoing abuses of CSA survivors who plead for their soul to be given back to them.

My friend, your Soul is a perfect one. Your abusers ravaged your body, your mind, your sense of safety, justice, belonging, community, sapped your strength. But no bastard, not one can ever take your Soul. Even the devil usually asks for it to be given to him with your express(ed? Highway to Hell but very long stairway to Heaven crawling up and down on Jacob's Ladder) permission.

Don't ever let them take what is most precious to you. Your soul, your joy in life, your family, your Love that burns inside you. Lesser mortals crave your heart. They want to live by your hardwon-in-the-most painful conditions Light. Tell them to Fuck Off. They have their own getting of Wisdom to do. Bless them and send them on their way.

30 December 2014

Today I said Goodbye to any chance of a love affair with my very silent partner lol.

I need a man who is in my life in more ways that a voyeur watching from the shadows or a recipient of my sweet passionate texts with no reply.

Fuck that shit. I would have more response by squeezing a male blow up doll. At least it would squeal when I deflated it lmao!

I am bored with flirting with the Void. I need a real man. Flesh, blood and vital signs. A man who visits me. Or has me visit him?! Or invites me out and is proud and happy to be in my company.

I need to not be left alone ever again at Chanukah or Christmas or any other holiday. I need to stop allowing men to treat me like a left-over piece of toilet paper.

I mean I have enough Hot flushes, but I don't wish to be flushed down the cesspit of someone else's cowardice or lack of love for me.

I need a fully interactive experience. If I am going to be screaming into the void then I at least want to know the Void is screaming back. Communicate, not an empty echo.

I am a full-figured, fully alive, experiential woman. I am Fire, Passion, Intellect, Heart, Soul, life-force, guts, glory, and an amazing sense of humour.

I am Whom I am Becoming and I want a man who can handle that and love me anyway.

Hohum. I will miss him but then he never really knew what he had or what he is about to miss out on.

Oh well, New Year, New Dreams for Psychedelic Dreamer. A lot can change in a year. A lot can change in a second. Maybe there are still beautiful dreams to be manifested for me yet?

Oh and I don't regret loving him. He might not have wanted me in his life, I will never know what he really did want from me. But he really inspired me in so many ways. His energy signature brought me back to life, creativity and a certain degree of bliss.

Or perhaps I did that out of sheer frustration lol!

…

30 December 2014

…

Today I said Goodbye to any chance of a love affair with my very silent partner lol.

I need a man who is in my life in more ways that a voyeur watching from the shadows or a recipient of my sweet passionate texts with no reply.

Fuck that shit. I would have more response by squeezing a male blow up doll. At least it would squeal when I deflated it lmao!

I am bored with flirting with the Void. I need a real man. Flesh, blood and vital signs. A man who visits me. Or has me visit him?! Or invites me out and is proud and happy to be in my company.

I need to not be left alone ever again at Chanukah or Christmas or any other holiday. I need to stop allowing men to treat me like a left-over piece of toilet paper.

I mean I have enough Hot flushes, but I don't wish to be flushed down the cesspit of someone else's cowardice or lack of love for me.

I need a fully interactive experience. If I am going to be screaming into the void then I at least want to know the Void is screaming back. Communicate, not an empty echo.

I am a full-figured, fully alive, experiential woman. I am Fire, Passion, Intellect, Heart, Soul, life-force, guts, glory, and an amazing sense of humour.

I am Whom I am Becoming and I want a man who can handle that and love me anyway.

Hohum. I will miss him but then he never really knew what he had or what he is about to miss out on.

Oh well, New Year, New Dreams for Psychedelic Dreamer. A lot can change in a year. A lot can change in a second. Maybe there are still beautiful dreams to be manifested for me yet?

Oh and I don't regret loving him. He might not have wanted me in his life, I will never know what he really did want from me. But he really inspired me in so many ways. His energy signature brought me back to life, creativity and a certain degree of bliss.

Or perhaps I did that out of sheer frustration lol!

30 December 2013

I had a lovely day visiting Lyn and Peter. Annette, and her daughter, bf, and grandaughter came also. So it was a lovely family day and I had a lovely swim too. First swim of summer. Yayy! Lyn joined me for the swim too.

Peter had a look at the damage on my car. He says I will need a whole new bumper bar, lining etc. so I will have to save up the insurance excess and get the insurance coy to fix it. Annoying! I was hoping it was just a loose hose on the water bottle of the windscreen washer.

Friday 13th Dec turned out to be an expensive night out. ffs! Oh well.

…

Dawn, almost. Been asleep on and off since 5 pm. Thinking about getting up and spending a day in actual Daylight. Lol.

I feel calm, content, and clear-headed. I hadn't realised how tired I was.

Still feel super-charged in my energy though. More storms to come, I expect.

Life is beautiful. I am so grateful to G-d that I have lived to experience this bliss and peace after decades of trauma and stress.

Sometimes I can't believe this has finally happened. This miracle of my quest for Love and Freedom finally being manifested.

30 December 2012

…

Nice quiet day. Got a lovely surprise late this afternoon, while hanging in my hammock, I heard scuffling or scrabbling above my head in the possum box. So I went and got a ladder, climbed up to discover, not one but two sweet little furry faces peering back at me in alarm. One hissed righteously!

So I got down, got 2 plums and a nectarine and threw it in their box. They seemed a bit alarmed at their unexpected offerings but must have eaten and were poking their heads out on dusk to start their nightly meanderings. I am so happy they are using the box at long last.

I visited Mervyn in hospital today. He seems to be improving a fair bit. Was nice to see Mavis briefly also.

…

Jarrod lent me a DVD mischievously telling me it would freak me out. While there were a few surreal references to my life, lmao, instead of being horrified or disturbed...I found this movie Stupendous, amazing and beautiful in its bathos.

The movie is "This must be the Place" starring Sean Penn. The amusing and remarkable thing is the main character Cheyenne played by Penn, actually looks like a guy I had coffee with once who now hangs at the Casino and watches me rather wistfully cos he never had a chance with me after his nasty immature way. Giko is his name and he has most definitely failed to grow up gracefully.

The other reference was the guy who bragged about wild sex with a woman with a cast up to her thigh. This obscure reference even more funny as Buck Scherer exhibited the exact same Paraplagia by conducting an affair with his one- legged cousin while being married to an Alzheimer's patient who went quietly mad after discovering his unholy passions!

The Nazi criminal chasing yet another reference as I remember well my mother's shame and horror but distancing when Cees (a survivor of Mittelbau-Dora) would try to force her to watch The World At War and see the ghastly photos of the dead piled up in Auschwitz and other camps.

I watched that documentary side by side with him, having at 12 already promised my mother that I would be a Jew when I grew up and in truth it was the closest Cees and I had come in those early years of my life to forming an intimacy predicated on revenge, victimhood and survival. Albeit he too had been a molester until I threatened to tell my father and vowed to kill him for which I was slapped and thrown across the floor, into the wall!

I think I must have spent so much of my childhood in a sort of resigned disassociated state that over time I forgave him that. After all, he had his experience as a camp survivor as a venerable excuse for aberrant behavior.

Or did my fear allow the enemy to subsume me with a shared trauma that should never have been confused? The abuser and the abused battling an example of an old enemy and more often than not the abuser would shift his precarious alliance to the enemy, my mother, when it suited his purposes.

Yet I am happy to say that that little girl has grown up to be awesome! I don't live in denial anymore. The shards are off my Zombie Mask and I dance to my Death in joyful Revelation that the bastards failed to Kill me although for 47 Years they had a whole lot of perverted fun, in trying!

G-d is Light! Love is Life! Life is Love! Eternity is forever and for all!

30 December 2010

Today was a lovely day with my favourite little girl, Tahylia and her grandmother, Gail. We went to the park together, then I had a doctor's appointment, then the Chemist, then back to my place to play my antiquated Sega Mega Drive which Jarrod set up yesterday. Tahylia loved it. She was so very good today, that we managed to have a lovely time.

30 December 2009

The mosquitoes are everywhere, had to give in and buy insect repellent which I hate almost as much as the bugs. Today I got my belly button re-pierced so that was pretty cool, considering it hardly hurt at all, compared to the first time I had it done.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons