Memories: 31 December 2023

31 December 2023

31 December 2022

I had a wonderful time dancing for/with Follow The Fox at my usual “spot”. They played many of my most favourite rock songs so I got a great catharsis and a neck jangling mosh to my favourite rebel song “Zombie” .

I have only had 3 hours sleep punctuated by needing to pee constantly. So I feel bloody dehydrated and wrung out like a sea sponge left to die on the gritty sands at high tide on a deserted island somewhere hot and scarifying. The tide is out and will be out for some time.

The Treasury casino actually gifted we dancers the bliss of a large electric fan last night. It was delightful but after the dj came on they turned the bloody blissful thing off so Mama T got hot again and whipped out her own fan.

I left at 1:30 am. Hot and exhausted but contented with my dancing. I walked to Hungry Jacks as I felt dizzy and weak so thought food might settle me.

I sat in the Myer Centre car park and scoffed down the food. Then drove home to a happy -to-see-me Beauregard and a hot cup of tea. Then struggled to fall asleep. It was around 5 am when I finally passed out to skip the fandango in the Astral for a while.

No nightmares this morning so that’s a kindness!

31 December 2021

Ghilaine Maxwell is in prison…next?!!!!! I said all along that these monsters will finally be held to account. Shining light in dark corners reaps justice eventually.

Pity my family of origin and all their enablers got away with it.

But this is the epoch of cleansing and purifying that filth.

Prince Andrew…hmmm…. So many other high end elites. We the people, the children that were not protected or defended…were utterly destroyed by men like you… we are the adults now.

Get ready….no shade, no majestic petticoat, no hidey hole can protect from our conjoined wrath. Start sweating Big Boy. Sweat well.

Mama T has spoken!

31 December 2020

Yesterday the energy felt intense. Almost venal. I felt like I was being attacked by invisible spikes. By lunchtime I felt the oppression so intensely that I took Bobo for a walk in the drizzling rain to clear my energy fields.

I stopped at Pete’s place to say Hello to little Koko. The rain began to pelt down harder so Pete invited me to sit on their front porch to sit out the heavy rain. I chatted merrily to his 90 year old mother Ailsa. They just lost her husband and Pete’s father. The funeral was yesterday.

Pete brought out his guitar (he used to play in a band) and played a few songs. He was self conscious and said he could not remember many songs now. I told him to just relax and go with the flow and it will come back to him. He played a few songs and I even sang along to one.

Ailsa said with genuine delight in her voice “Look Peter, she is singing!” I smiled and replied “it does not happen very often as I am not a very good singer!” But it was joyful and natural and lifted our spirits for a moment.

I carried on with my walk back home and got slammed again with the wall of oppression. It felt like it was not mine. I was picking up someone else’s grief or misery. The dream that morning had me on edge: hyper vigilant, hyper aware.

But in the late afternoon and evening I got busy with finishing off my purple decoupaged port and the large square box. The energy had shifted and I felt less under spiritual attack.

I pondered why I was picking up this evil sensation especially as only a few days ago on the 24th December I had purged all evil from my home and garden.

The energy came in waves and shifted directions like a swallow murmuration. Or like a songline in pitch and tone, like an Arabic ululation.

But I pushed through and even made a video of my beautiful Socks who demanded tribute and extra attention . Perhaps he too felt the ugly sticky cloying energy? But we sat on the couch and cuddled and I videoed him and showed off my latest accomplishments.

I have needed to feel accomplished this past year. To feel valued...even if only with my small insignificant undertakings. Like a jet engine slowly building intensity in preparation for flight!

2020 has been a kinder year for me than most. I have lived through so much trauma and vicious attacks by humans that the fear of death was shucked off and thrown into a dark corner of my mind.

Ever present societal dread has brought many to their first realisation of how fragile, ephemeral and precious their lives are. For many it was humbling. But The Tanya already knew that since infancy so she soldiered through the morass of despair and thrived!

Amazing!! Who knew?! It took a plague for people to wake up and see what is truly important. Love! Community! Tribe! Staying alive by protecting everyone equally. And opening up to heart spaces and joy in every place we find ourselves.

I am grateful for the gift of life I so churlishly tried to throw away in the darkest of times...so beset by Evil, was I!

But yesterday was a dense reminder that energy never lies. Someone (perhaps many!) still wishes me harm. I will be ready for battle when that time arises.

But this morning the energy is sweeter, kinder, gentler. So those old ghosts and memories of people who were shallow, callow and vicious have been put back in their place.

My angels whisper to me. I have a ringing in my ears. I can’t hear them but I am comforted that they are with me.

Blessed and protected by the gods, the archangels and my beautiful friends and pets. 🙂

31 December 2019

Love letter to Tanya

It’s 11:40 pm on the last day of 2019. The last decade was full of painful exponential growth. You fought through it all...hard. Your mother’s death, the will dispute, the ensuing years fighting for your right to party, to be joyous and free.

You fell in love with awful men (Sigh...). Made friends. Had your heart broken and your trust decimated. Were used and abused. But along the way met some kind loving souls.

You advocated vociferously and courageously against child sexual abuse then were set up by more psychopaths which precipitated your suicide attempt.

Then hit the ground running when you found yourself quite unexpectedly and mysteriously alive, the following day.

Then four more hard years of poor health. Your father’s death in 2017 and your father’s cousin Robert’s death in 2018 - the man who brought the Phillips family together with his genealogy research. Then 2019 another difficult year with two surgeries.

But here you are....plotzing like a fucking Champion! In fifteen minutes it will be 2020 and a whole new decade awaits you.

I wish you joy, good or better health, an adoring partner who values you, prosperity in however you can manifest it from a benevolent loving loyal Source, and much needed peace and more discoveries of latent talents or perhaps consolidation and recognition for the few you have already manifested.

You are an amazing wonderful Soul and I hope all the fuckers that never treated you right over the years, finally realise how ghastly and evil they have been and get the karma they merit.

But you Tanya can shake them off like old flea bitten rags as you have your own Destiny and I know you held on, strong and true to your much desired Beloved but he is not here and that is his stupidity and loss.

You can let it all go now. All the vicious game playing tossers have no power over you. You just keep on going, rising and shining in your own intrepid little Dignity.

The right man for you will show up and know how to treat you with decency and honour. Because you won’t accept anything less.

You hear me?....

Aight….

Sleep tight Tanya. 2020 and beyond. I can’t promise you rose gardens (the possums ate them all!) or a safe environment (bushfires still raging and climate change and volcanoes making everyone fearful and fragile)

But I promise you this! You are loved by the gods and there will be swift changes as you carry forward all the beauty and love and desires for a better life like a beacon of hope inside you.

Don’t ever stop loving. It is who you are!

Happy New Year Sweetheart. X

…

11.03 pm carefully observing the old year slide by and slowly awakening to the new year. Thinking of old friends and lovers who let me down or hurt me. Comforted by a few happy memories of our brief interactions.

Funny what we carry with us. What we choose to remember when everything turns to shit. But a solace for my aching heart.

I can only hope and pray that Love blesses me with great joy and deep abiding honour this year and the pursuant years to come.

I had lots of loving uplifting messages from cousins and friends today and yesterday. Thank you! Xxx

We are fortunate to have each other.

…

Happy 2020 to all my dearest friends and family.

May our vision be clear and true.

May the roaring 20’s of the 21st century be enlightening, awakening and liberating.

May Love find us in all Aspects of our Being. With positive flow and light up our lives with a newfound glow.

May we find ourselves healed and in turn heal our Earth.

May we continue to blossom in our fractalised Flower of Life and sow our seeds and unfurl our lotus and honour our inner peace and become the best versions of ourselves as individuals and as the collective.

Resonating with love and light and letting go of those unwilling or unready to Shine in the cosmic blissful Dreaming of the Sublime Divine.

I honour you on your Path and dance my hopes and dreams into the web of life.

I am Loved and Seen. I am grateful.

31 December 2018

High noon. Eating fig yoghurt for breakfast. Drinking tea. Finally out of bed.

I am amazed that although I got sunburnt yesterday there is no pain and I have already gone brown. Must have been the lashings of Nivea sunscreen and maybe a fair bit of sun conditioning all ready. Feeling grateful and fortunate.

I slept a lot. I really needed the rest.

I have let Charlie outside (at last!) and will join him soon. The birds are all singing and there is a light breeze.

All is well.

31 December 2017

…

Rain coming. Big temperature drop. I am smothered in my own sweat so the cool change is a gift from the gods. I am sitting under the market umbrella, letting the sensuous breezes softly float across my sunburnt skin. It’s so beautiful and gentle.

I harvested the yellow cherry tomatoes. Pulled down the vine. Sprinkled the seed pods from the spring onion down on the scoria. Free plants. Organically grown and fertilised by my goldfish. Just lovely.

The cos lettuce I got from the charity (that was bitter to taste) has gone to seed. So there will be lettuces soon. I have six mignonette lettuces growing too. Baby ones. Oh and the basil is going to seed.

Beside the bathtub I have an Italian parsley in flower. So there will be seedlings from that soon.

Everything is thriving. According to its will and the season!

31 December 2016

Scorching hot Morning and it will only get hotter. I have been awake since 7.30 am. Insanity! Hard to hide from the heat when you are alert and sparking in all four cylinders. I have been out to refill Bobo's clam pool. The crows love swimming in it as much as he does so it gets green and slimy very fast. It is a beautiful day.

I feel so full of promise and hope for the new year. I have been thinking very deeply about my inability to sustain a loving relationship. I, especially these days feel overflowing with love (probably the antibiotics over-running my system giving me euphoric tendencies) and find myself wishing the man I love could love me back in equal measure.

But my life is not a fairy tale and my heart is duct-taped and I know I have had to overcome so much grief, abuse and trauma. It is surprising my heart has not imploded yet.

I remember the first time I had broken heart syndrome. I actually heard my heart muscle crack. That was when I was still married and how I knew it was over. No one should ever damage your heart like that. A vile unnecessary cruelty. Then came the horrors of Terry then David D. Lmao!

My god but I am strong. The constant debasements of vile putrid men only made me more determined to live my life in freedom.

Now my love of freedom blocks me from accepting a partnership. We can only stare lovingly from across a room or from the safety of distance between two phone handsets. It is like being Snow White stored behind glass. Beautiful, yearning but forever untouchable. The pathos is an elixir of pain that is almost exquisite in its absurdity.

What to do? Live. Love. Forgive. Blossom. Thrive. Accept all the love that is given me with open hearts and minds and sincerity. Be grateful. Be blessed. Smile. Sing a new song. Know that I am worthy and loved if only by the sea, the air, the sky and my tiny soul that whispers to me "Feel the fear and live anyway".

I am not diminished by the hatred or the abuse, the neglect, the abandonment. I am not diminished by bad teeth or ill health, by poverty or loneliness. They are garments thrown upon me and I step out of them, naked and sparkling in the sunshine of my hiatus in this planet.

I bathe in the Light of the Holy One from whom I can never hide or lie to or deny my own truth. "Your faith was strong, you needed proof, you saw her bathing on the roof". Thank you Leonard Cohen. :-).

I will be 52 in April. Too old for this shit. But my heart which ticketty plunks and my spirit which soars high over the oceans and mountain tops, will go on. A miracle. A ceaseless wonder.

A travesty in 3 acts: Maiden, Matron, Crone. My donai body toned from dancing but slowly seeping into maturity. It is a vehicle of delight for a battle-worn soul. A chariot of fiery desire. A flying horse too close to the sun. A tinkling laughter and bemused sigh. Thank you Adonai! For sustaining me and bringing me to this season of joy, of healing and of love.

31 December 2015

I just realised why Beauregard gets so pissed off with me. He is a genius. I have never taught him to Sit. But he does it on command. He is only 10 weeks old. I have had him for a month. So perhaps his family of origin taught him how to sit on command.

Now trying to teach him to Stay! Like with all my men, a difficult concept to Master. But unfortunately for my Beau, he is a Prisoner of my Love, a “schoener (lovely) gigolo”, bought and paid for, to love me unconditionally until we die.

He is chewing on that one. My feet, ankles and arms are covered in his love bites. We are working on a less orally-challenged relationship. A few teething problems.

Also he almost never barks. Outside, dogs are howling and yelping but he just responded with a soft growl. I wonder if he will ever become a yappy dog, or a guard dog? Not complaining.

So far we talk with facial expressions, puppy whines, and protest pees on the rug. He is very expressive. The telepathy is starting to kick in too. Today when I was out celebrating Annette's birthday, I felt the old familiar tug on the solar plexus umbilical cord.

Bella Rosa was so attuned to me, she could make me rush home, slavishly guilt-ridden after an hour or so. She always knew exactly when I was coming home too, waiting near the gate. Such a wonderful Pomeranian New World Leader!

31 December 2012

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my beautiful family and friends, to my wonderful pets, to my gorgeous garden and to the myriad of wondrous things and creatures, spirits and guardians alike that make this planet and the Universe it twirls in, so spectacular!

Thank You Hashem for all of Creation and for giving us Heart Mind and Soul and the vehicle with which to Enjoy your Supernal Bliss! We couldn't do this without you!

Now back to selfish word to my SPONSOR...

Please can I have Real Love, happiness, comfort, security and good health this year? Can the fractious fractured discordant Earthlings manifest Peace, Enlightenment, freedom for all, Love for each other without cruelty, rape or torture, a pure love for peoples of all gender and sexualities, free to enjoy equal rights and especially for women in India and across the Globe to share their bodies in Liberty and Love for pleasure Without fear and without being humiliated or debased or killed.

Can we start really caring, protecting and nurturing ourselves and this Planet so generations to come can have food, clean water and a full and happy life, to be witness to wonders of Nature and humankind alike!

Can you help guide and inspire us Hashem, as we, in this generation, remain a Stiff- necked people, war- like and often barbarous still, in a world of Communication and scientific advances not seen since...well.,Atlantis!

Cheers thanks a lot :-). I think that about covers it! xxx

31 December 2011

Watching Sons of Anarchy and waiting with baited breath for my life to begin, hopefully this coming year 2012 there will be some serious blossoming out on my personal Tree of Life...it's all been slowly unfolding but I like the signs and portents so far!

Hopefully by the end of February there will be progress and movement with the Will Dispute and that will give me much needed rest and peace of mind...win or lose, I will have closure. I am manifesting 100% of the estate...fingers crossed the Universe gives me what I most desire and what I most need!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons