Memories: 3 December 2023

3 December 2023

3 December 2020

Last night I messaged Heidi and asked her if she wanted the studio portrait of Angela and I as if not, I am going to burn it. (I am done keeping memories of vile treacherous abusers in my home...my Sacred Space which must hold only the most pure of intent and heart!)

She replied that it’s beautiful and she wants it. She is the only one that would want a portrait of her half sister and myself as her love for both of us is true even if I am served only the merest scraps of it.

It’s fitting it goes to someone who honours that woman.

My girls would not want it as Angela was part of the vile abuse dynamic. Marika would not want it as I am in the photo and she was bred to hate me also.

So kismet...it will find its place with the Paede family and at the very least Heidi’s father had been kind to me when we went to Germany when I was 8 so I am satisfied that my 5 year old image goes back to his biological (and Christian!) daughter who will love it and treat it with respect (unlike his other spawn!!!)

Yesterday I gave away the tapestries and it hit me that I was eliminating the residual energy of Cees Van Der Greft for whom I was made to do that beautiful Dutch scene when I was only 9 years old.

So it came to my mind with utter clarity that Dave shares his birthday and although not a sexual predator like Cees was...he still comes to taunt me at every opportunity, unable to release the Love I poured into him (even with his trail of “Stepford Wives” in tow).

Like the perfectly possessed son of Beelzebub, he seeks to constantly destroy me on some level but I see through his masks and foul intent and the Love runs deep and gathers around me in preternatural rage that Cees long dead can still affect me via my lovers with his demon energy.

(Or am I the Demon? One who loved God soo much that she converted to Judaism only to have vicious attack after vicious attack for decades: so perhaps it I who needs scarifying and purging but I have been cuntishly punished enough and only God can heal the immense damage wrought by my childhood Abusers and the merry band of weak ineffectual putrid men that came to me as lovers in my adulthood as well.

But....sigh....even as I walk down the last shadows of that valley of death I shall fear no Evil for I am the consummate catalysation of every filthy cast off spawn of Satan and my Holy One has brought me through with his strong and outstretched hand (albeit held at arms length!) and with a prosaic but bored Eye he has sponsored me to Be in all Worlds and All paradigms...Free!

And while I tore my hair and beat my Breast and offered up the sacrifice of much of my sanity, my equilibrium, even my uterus and gall bladder as my insides were shot to pieces by my reactions to other people’s ancient untrammelled HATE. Even as I primal screamed and streamed my consciousness into the Ether:

I remained solid and sure-footed to the only thing that anchors me to both Life and to God: LOVE.

So the unholy imp and his latest Mistress could only run away with their tails between their legs because LOVE IS THE LAW and NOONE FUCKS WITH THE TANYA.

I have spoken (written) my Truth and forsooth in hell or in heaven I will live or die by it.

My superpower. My brilliance in my desecrated misbegotten soul journey in this incarnation.

Love me or hate me. Sup from me but he and others like him, will never be sated by me. They will always crave more and more until they LEARN to fill themselves up and drink the ambrosia of the gods from their own chaste Chalice.

May the Holy One and All His Manifestations forgive me for Loving the profoundly evil that He Himself sent my way for transmutation and for blessing. The sword of Damocles swings both ways and cuts deep!

May He bless me with the truest most beautiful, most honourable Love and May my life mean something at the end of this play of light and smite. Or I have come here for nothing and wasted heart and mind and even Soul.

For whom does the Bell toll? Little Tanya wrung out by pain and her own humanity. Daughter of the gods. Warrior Goddess. Beloved!

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The hypomania is finally subsiding (as of yesterday!) but instead what was “up” keeps falling asleep on the couch. All good. I need the rest!

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I am sooo grateful for my air conditioner. Also for my home where I have been able to create or obfuscate according to my will or level of health! Having a safe place to rest your weary head or to retreat back to after dealing with the most ignoble perverted fucking idiots has meant the difference between life and death for me!

I am fully conscious of not only how lucky I have been, but how zealously protected by my gods, Earthangels and truest most devoted friends.

Thank you! Aho!

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The Tanya is happy to announce that her liver is still fatty but slightly improved. The pain is referred pain from my verkachte fatty liver.

Not dying...yet. Except from infernal eternal ancient grief and complex ptsd but I am used to that!

The old body requires a Mediterranean diet! I said “oh goodie Chicken and fetta!” To which my doctor burst out laughing and said “No Tanya...more olives, olive oil, vegetables...less meat sugar and alcohol!” Blech. The Tanya is incorrigible...we knowww...

Oh and she gave me a nasal spray to help with the Eucharoid artery in my left ear that is gifting me tinnitus! So that will be a relief too!

Angela Denton: Great news. I’m directed to the same diet for inflammation and the resultant (and dreaded) arthritis. I’ve been prescribed minimal red meat especially processed meats which are diabolical. Lots of fresh oily fish and foods high in amino acids and of course lots of plant based foods preferably fresh. And did she (or he) tell you that there is now a link between the afore mentioned fresh foods and brain health?

Me: Angela Denton yes omega 3. I am taking hemp oil capsules for my omega 3 as I hate the taste and smell of fish.

My sweet nephew begged me for Gefilte fish (a boiled mass of 4 different kinds of fish made into a gelatinous loaf!) Ggrosss

My MIL used to make it by hand but I can’t stand it. I will try to buy it in a jar in the kosher section (if I find it anywhere!)

The poor boy is missing his Jewish food and culture as he is married to a Muslim. So they mostly observe her holy days.

He even offered that he’d like to have a Passover Seder with me. Poor lad has no idea that I haven’t even had one of those in many years. But it would be nice to have one! The Ancestors would be delighted!!!

The last time we were all together at my place my freaking dining table tipped up by itself!! That was how happy the familial spirits were that we were together! I was quite freaked out tbh. I worried the children would be frightened!

I just realised I sound Iike I am diminishing my nephew. He is not poor or a lad or boy!! He is 44!!!

But I always remember him from when he was a sickly asthmatic boy of 9 years old. Funny how time plays tricks on my mind!!

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Interesting! I was shown both alchemical symbols for lead and tin/Jupiter and Saturn at the end of last year.

I had no idea what they meant in relation to me personally!

I better sit up and take notice as this conjunction might be powerful for me personally otherwise I still have no idea why spirit gifted me those alchemical symbols!

See below article:

Clash Of The Titans...

Jupiter And Saturn Are Getting Closer.•●

The upcoming great conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn will be on December 21, 2020, the day of the December solstice. These two worlds will be visibly closer in our sky than they've been since medieval times, in 1226. At their closest, Jupiter and Saturn will be only 0.1 degree apart. That's just 1/5 of a full moon diameter.

Start watching them now and you'll see them draw close together, eventually appearing almost as if they have become a single point of light.

"Astronomers use the word conjunction to describe meetings of planets and other objects on our sky's dome. They use the term great conjunction to describe meetings of the two biggest worlds in our solar system, mighty Jupiter and the glorious ringed planet Saturn. The next great conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn will be December 21, 2020. That date is, coincidentally, the date of the December solstice. It'll be the first Jupiter-Saturn conjunction since the year 2000, and the 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘵 Jupiter-Saturn conjunction since 1623, only 14 years after Galileo made his first telescope. However, that conjunction was only 13 degrees east of the sun (closely following the sun at sunset), and it is considered unlikely that it was noticed by many. The closest 𝘰𝘣𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 Jupiter-Saturn conjunction before that was as long ago as during medieval times, in 1226!

The extra-close Jupiter-Saturn conjunction in 2020 won't be matched again until the Jupiter-Saturn conjunction of March 15, 2080."

Deborah Byrd

Astronomy Essentials

earthsky

•

"When Jupiter and Saturn come together there is both the intensity of old forms dying as well as the fertility of new growth beginning to take shape. In the past century, their cycle has aligned with the transition in between decades, with the conjunctions and oppositions between Jupiter and Saturn marking the start of each decade. For example, there was a Jupiter and Saturn conjunction in 1980, an opposition in 1990, a conjunction in 2000, and an opposition in 2010. Jupiter and Saturn will form their next conjunction on December 21 of 2020 in the first degree of Aquarius, and so most of 2020 will take place during the end of their cycle. There will be an atmosphere of anticipation building during the year of being on the precipice of a new era, while simultaneously old issues will resurface in need of resolution."

"Together Jupiter and Saturn combine expansive and imaginative vision with the structure and discipline needed to both manifest results as well as strip away the inessential. While Jupiter signifies generosity and fortunate opportunities, it can also lead to egoic greed and delusions of grandeur that requires the contemplative focus of Saturn to trim the excess and strengthen what is ready to ripen. At the same time, we need the inspirational revitalization of Jupiter to mediate the negative side of Saturn that can bring fear over limitations and obstacles and lead to depressive stagnation. During 2020 we will be in a constant balancing act of tempering between Jupiter and Saturn, with a need to shift in between the synthesizing growth of Jupiter and the methodical reordering of Saturn."

"Though the conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn every twenty years is always important, their union in 2020 has special and extraordinary significance. Jupiter and Saturn have a pattern of forming their conjunctions in the same element of astrology for approximately two hundred years, such as occurring in water signs from the beginning of the fifteenth century until the beginning of the seventeenth century and in fire signs from the beginning of the seventeenth century until the beginning of the nineteenth century. Since 1802 the Saturn and Jupiter conjunctions have been occurring in earth signs, with the final one occurring on May 28 of 2000 in Taurus. After the conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn in Aquarius in 2020, there will continue to only be conjunctions between Jupiter and Saturn in tropical air signs until 2159.

Thus 2020 is at the end of a two-hundred-year era of Jupiter and Saturn uniting in earth signs. While the earth element signifies focus on material security and consolidation of resources that is resistant to change, the era of air will bring disruption to established orders and dramatic changes in collective ideas and the way we communicate. Vitally, not only will Jupiter and Saturn be uniting in Aquarius, they will also be forming a catalytic square aspect with Uranus in Taurus. At this pivotal moment in our journey, the lightning bolts of Jupiter and Uranus will not only bring down old societal structures but will also impel us to release old personal dreams and drama we have been attached to. There will be new challenges and unknown potential arising as we begin a new era of Jupiter and Saturn that we will need to make space for in our lives. During 2020 ask yourself what you need to leave behind and what you truly desire to carry forward."

Gray Crawford

The 2020 Great Conjunction

(October 29, 2019)

For each planet there is an associated alchemical metal... For Jupiter there is Tin and for Saturn there is Lead. The most common alloy (which is to say, union or concoction) of tin and lead is used as a type of solder.

Solder is "something that unites," typically a metal or metallic alloy used when melted to bond together and 'solidly" join metals. For electronics, it is traditionally an amalgam of tin and lead.

Now, molten metal is a tricky beast, because it behaves a bit like water: Of particular interest is its surface tension. Molten metal will ball up if it doesn't find something to "stick" to. In general, metal likes to stick to metal, but doesn't like to stick to oils or oxidized metals. By simply being exposed to air, parts and boards start to oxidize, and through handling they get exposed to grime and other 'corruption' (such as oils from our skin). The solution is to clean the parts and boards first...

...And maybe your browser history.

But wait... Didn't Saturn, or Cronos, eat Jupiter, or Zeus? Or was there some kind of trickery, a switch... a fast-one? It is the Olympian planet Jupiter set to occult, or overshadow the Titanic planet Saturn after all

...Perhaps Youth

will consume Old-Age

this Time around...

Power.Love.Wisdom Y'all

The 2020 Grand Finale Quickly Aproaches

Be Excellent To Each Other & Party On Dudes!

—RLR—

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They also murdered my father with kidney sepsis. Failed to take him to a hospital in Shepparton in a timely manner. This was March 2017. What hope has anyone got with Covid, especially the vulnerable, poor, homeless and marginalised. The Australian government blatantly is committing genocide by leaving our most vulnerable to die, either by domestic violence, systemic abuses or now with Covid-related failures in “duty of care”.

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Does anyone here in Brisbane know where to buy Chanukah candles?

Coles did not sell them last year (at Greenslopes) and Woolworth advertises them on their website but does not sell them in Brisbane either.

It’s ridiculous!!!

Update: Jarrod and I have brainstormed where to buy Chanukah candles. They cost a small fortune to buy on eBay with postage.

So I am thinking spell candles or buying from the Catholic supplies shop the little tapers they use.

Possibly ask a priest to bless them too, to eliminate the Dybbuk in The Roof! Sniggers! I might buy some Holy Water as well.

If the Brisbane community can’t or won’t supply them then Mama T will have to get creative and think laterally!

Other option is to use olive oil like we did in ancient times. Or tea lights.

I really resented missing out on my festival of light last year!!!

It’s okay if I don’t observe Chanukah out of blasé apathy but having my options of observing it denied me as a basic human right is quite another matter!!!

Sally Castle: Watch for a parcel from Golds. Happy Chanukah dear Tanya xx

Me: Sally Castle that is very sweet of you but you are naughty!!!

thank you

much love to you my Earthangel xxx

Sally Castle: Tanya Arons right back at you xx

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I have posted off the childhood portrait to Heidi who is delighted to receive it. The postage cost $17 which was not as bad as I expected. Hopefully it arrives in one piece. I wrapped it in various scraps of bubble wrap I had lying around the house. Which was good as it was also useless clutter!

The post office lady was very kind. In General people have been much kinder to me in recent months.

Nothing like a pandemic to make people be more conscious of the thin veil between life and death and treat others with sweetness.

Pity it took that surreal 2020 shake up to kick people up the butts.

Psy sighs.

Next job: doctor for the results.

Then I might continue with my “Swedish Death Cleaning” and go through all my photos and chuck out or burn any dross or unhappy or irrelevant memories.

Been wanting to do that for some time but the genealogist in me posts them on Facebook or ancestry as I hate to lose “Truth” like that Christmas photo from 1972. Um the picture of trauma really does paint a thousand words. So I am keeping that one and thank you Bregje for so insightfully recognising the horror and trauma in it. Clever woman!

3 December 2019

I just bought my ticket for Mojo Burning festival on 28 March. Woohoo! I missed out the last several years.

Looking forward to seeing some awesome Blues/stomp /stoner/rock bands. (Although, as usual I will be one of the oldest there!) Nevermind, that won’t stop me!

Julie Goddard: You are going to have so much fun, wear practical footwear

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Today my lungs are behaving better but now I have a swollen jaw and gums in my lower jaw! Wtf?!!!! This is getting arduous!

But have watered the garden (and sprinkled one of my kookaburra visitors who closed his eyes and smiled at me in gratitude). A great blessing of a bird!

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I just ate half an avocado on toast and a whole mango. Yum! My whole body is vibrating with the extra energy. Good. As I feel so weak. It’s been another long hard week of illness and the asthma is still plaguing me. (that usually lasts 6-8 weeks!) But I am gradually getting a bit better. Although I could not fall Asleep until 3 am last night. It’s hard to heal your body and mind on very little sleep.

But today is another hot but beautiful day! I am sitting outside with Charlie and Beauregard. The wind is getting wilder. So I am making the most of each day, as I have always done.

3 December 2018

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Mango madness, toxic family. Fuck dat shit. All of it.

3 December 2017

I finished watching Transparent. A strange and yet surprisingly spiritual and delightful tv show. The transgender father (mother?) was so dignified and beautiful. Lots of allusions to the goddess. A freaking out female Rabbi. Sex addicts and displays of psychicism amidst this colourful jewish family.

Made me feel slightly less freakish with my peculiar background.

3 December 2016

Another great night last night. Jabba played for the first time at the casino. It was nice to see Sol again. I had a lovely time, dancing with Jo and Karen.

I woke up at 8 am after only 4 hours sleep. I have a tight headache. Probably from the heat. So gonna rest and take things easy today. My feet are throbbing from the pain. My hands are aching too, from arthritis from the heat. Situation:normal!

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Trigger warning: CSA, suicide ideation.

Post-Dancing Blues. (Saturday 3 December 2016 4 am)

Today I acknowledge that I have a mental illness and emotional problems. I am unable to sustain a loving healthy love relationship.

It seems to me to be a terrible curse, after all I was not born with this mental illness, or was I? Such a tiny baby, born to such verbal violence, hearing the screams and the aggression and frustration of my mother and father.

Then, only a few short years later, more violence thrust upon me. Sperm spat into a paper serviette. The stench still permeates my nostrils at times. Sexual violence against an innocent child, left alone, neglected, abandoned with the family paedophile.

Then there was the physical violence: being thrown into a glass door, aged 6; a terrible car crash from which we all, as a family, survived miraculously; a broken arm caused by childhood bullying; bacterial meningitis - neglect , whooping cough and measles aged 4, an epidemic that ran through Wellington, surgery on my mouth aged 3, being thrown across the room from the living room into my bedroom aged 3 (my 18 year old sister saving me from one of my father's rages). I flew! Like a bird. Then slammed on my tiny bottom onto the floor. Surreal!

I suffered so much by age 7. Do they not say, "Give me the child by the age of 7 and I will show you the man" or in my case Woe-man.

I have known violence, abuse, hatred and these from within my own core family. Worse yet to come was the cold contemptuous disdain of society as I struggled through years and years of major depression and only in recent years was I diagnosed with Complex PTSD as I struggled to comprehend my place on this planet.

A planet. If not for the alluring and comforting and sensate pleasures of chocolate, or the exquisite beauty and healing magic of places like Byron Bay then I would have so few anchors to hold me to this world.

Death has become a constant craving, always in the back of my mind, a constant allure. A release and a reprieve from decades of disappointment heaped upon disappointment. Struggling to be free of abuse and loneliness and my own struggle to thrive in an environment that in real terms, represented a torture chamber.

If not for the powerful love that burns within my inner core, within my psyche but demands to be valued and appreciated at best, or worse, merely seen, acknowledged, understood. I would not have any reason to exist at all, yet I do. I exist therefore I am, I think therefore I am, I feel therefore I am. I am whom I am becoming.

A wild tempestuous temptress of tortured eviscerating tribal tribute to renaissance, to revolution. Born again and again and again into this body that is slowly rejecting me.

I cannot exist without love and yet love is all around me. I see it. I observe it. I feel it. I cannot own it for myself. Or be owned. Love for me is a blessed curse. A punishment. Often a degradation.

I climb the ladder of Hope and Faith. Reaching, grasping for a Nirvana that is attainable to many but always denied me.

Like a Freak Show they come and they watch. Like a performing monkey I twirl and thrash and jive and...survive. It is majestic. It is a wild warrior woman's war cry. It is the thrust and impetus of a rocket launched into oblivion. A misguided heat-seeking missile longing for connection, attachment, home.

A safe haven for an embattled soul to lay her head, to be held, nurtured and made love to. Made love: not fucked, used, slandered, lied to, lied about, cheated on. The cosmic commingling of mutual respect, admiration and deep abiding love.

Hmmm, who knew I was a romantic? An idealist? A fantastic Freak of Nature. A frenzied, fierce, fiery Femme Fatale. A flaky, crumbling, fragile, foundation less, flimsy, flattering frippery and a flop!

Mental illness thrust upon me by curs. Mental illness, not asked for nor deserved. Mental. To heal myself I had to reach down deep inside and pluck out the very thing. The very very deepest, most potent thing that is my only raison d'être. My heart.

I take it out of my body through my chest. I look at it. Thumping, thrumming, flowing, pumping. My spiritual heart will go on for eternity. The lessons learned in this life. Hard won. Bitten down, beaten down, bestowed upon. All that glitters is not Gold. All that lives is not really fully alive.

My true loves, true friends have saved me, kept me alive, sustained me, fed me, clothed me, financed me and dragged me from the brink of my own immolation in this incarnation, because that is Love. That's what you do. Love the unloveable.

Even when the unloveable fights you, bites you, scratches, kicks, screams, whirling dervishes then lies down silently, teeth gritted, painstakingly strives to exist another day, another year, perhaps another decade.

Saves us for our destiny.

I fulfilled my destiny long ago, when I bore my children to a man of pure contempt. When I visited my mother in the dementia ward, clucking and crowing like a strange old bird, her glory, also hard won that came late in life to her, rotting around her like carcass.

That was my destiny. That was my Call. I fulfilled my obligations to my enemies. I gave back what I could to society. I was a good daughter. A good enough wife. A mother. A sister. A friend. And on remarkably rare occasions later in life, a Lover. Haha! Remarkably rare but funny!

I have a dog named Beau. My Beau. He too, bites the hand that feeds him, triggering bouts of septic arthritis. Cheers, thanks a lot.

My love for love, of love, be love, know love. The toxic vapid contrary thing. Yet I stand up, sit down, lie down, get up, shut up, speak out, fight, scream, laugh, cry, sleep, dance, do it all again.

Dancing as fast as I can on one spot. My spot. My territorial claim. My safety.

I am strong, I am beautiful and I am worthy. In spite of sardonic regret, of my cynicism, of my black tumescent humour, in spite of my loneliness, grief, despair. In spite of my breakdowns, and break ups, so much loss.

I am grateful. At times, even happy. Happiness that comes from triumph over adversity. A joyful childlike desire to embrace life fully. To look down deep into its tonsils and adenoids and to breathe.

Fuck that shit! To inhale the fragrance of the gods. To watch the Narcissus blossom and bloom and then decay and fade away. To fly like an eagle over the mountain. Free.

3 December 2015

I have blocked Kim Luland who is another Pomeranian breeder and a friend of Bev Tieken's. She could be the only person who was stirring the pot with Bev.

She did not have the integrity to remove herself so I did. I am sick to death of having personality disordered sick fucks in my life. Horrid!

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1.04 pm so tired. I have been out in my garden, watering and pruning back the macadamia nut tree. I have gotten sunburnt which is why I came back inside.

Weird windy overcast day but sun will get through to freckled pale-face folk. Thanks to my Scottish-Irish ranga heritage. Or was it the German-Polish? No one to blame but a certain dumbarse who did not put on sunscreen. The Tanya forgets she is a mere mortal. Hmmm!

Beauregard came indoors before me to snooze on the cool kitchen floor. Smart puppy. He will have to train his Mama, The Tanya well! Oy!

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I woke up at 10.30 am, before Beauregard who I allowed on my bed at 5.30 am. He was perfectly snuggled on the right of me, with Mistress Penny aka The Boss guarding my left as is her custom. I only had 5 hours sleep as I Skyped with Crystal for almost 5 hours last night. It was wonderful to see and hear my girl. I miss her so much!

She loved Bobo and said "Wow, Mum, last Chanukah I brought you, Mushu and this Chanukah you got Bobo!" So cool. My little symbols of freedom after adversity. Love them!

A very blustery day but not as hot this morning. I have done some washing and brought some in. Let the hens out to forage and gad about the garden. Helga went for Bobo and pecked him twice.

He didn't even seem to notice as he was focussed on what I was doing. So cute! But yeah keeping him away from psycho fluffy bums as they need to get used to the new pup on the block.

It is very unusual for me to sleep so few hours. So I expect to get a little crazy later! If I am lucky a certain little man will snuggle and let me have a nap. He really likes De Mama's bed. Such a good boy.

3 December 2014

3 December 2013

4.22 pm finally awake. Didn't sleep til 6 am. I was really tired.

I wonder what lies ahead for me this evening? Probably keep dusting as it's not quite true what the Sublime Quentin Crisp quipped. The dust doesn't get any worse but it turns into grime. I still have to climb back up and polish the top of wall unit in spare room. Grrr.

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4.26 am had a cleaning bug so sorted spare bedroom,threw out old paperwork and dusted the wall unit. I managed to squeeze stuff into it with a bit of rearranging.

While doing this I watched True Blood which helped give me background noise lol.

Now going to bed. Just let Hecate, Elvira and Tabitha out to forage. Hope that pesky scrub turkey doesn't steal all their food while I sleep.

3 December 2012

Can't sleep from weird euphoric state even though my body is exhausted my mind is alert! So watching TV "Charmed" to be exact and heating up Sticky Date Cake! Oh the Irony!

Sally Castle: You coming to Chanukah party on Sat night lovely? There'll be donuts and latkes :))

Me: I won't make any promises, Sally. It's at the New Indooroopilly shul, right? 6 ish? See how I go. Cheers! Chag Sameach!

3 December 2011

I have had a lovely day! Went to Shul this morning, davened, was blessed with an Aliyah. Came home had a schluff then a visit from Gail.

In the evening I resolved a situation that had been bothering me. Now sipping beer and just chillin'. Feeling peaceful and happy and almost psyched up for next Friday's onslaught!

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3 December 2010

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It's 1.14 am and it's just started teeming with rain. I'm tired but peaceful. Time for bed, I think. I love sleeping with the rain at night.

I'm loving the return of our sub-tropical climate to how it used to be 15 or 20 years ago, beautiful blue skies, sunny days with rain at night to balance out the heat and humidity. Bliss!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons