Memories: 28 December 2023

28 December 2023

28 December 2022

I have had a busy productive day. I made a back burning incense holder from ebony wood and an epns silver soup spoon. I bent the spoon weeks ago but got stymied by depression so I lost the motivation to make anything. But my energy kicked back in today and I worked all day on various projects.

I also received 6 mm copper pipe I ordered a few months ago so I got to work cutting it to fit my cutlery canteen/jewellery display. I made plugs out of ebony wood as the thinner pipe was too loose in the sockets. Just making the plugs to fill the holes took me several hours.

Then I finished off the stand for the incense burner. That took several hours of sanding and drilling holes for the screws to hold it together.

I am so exhausted but happy with my creativity today!

28 December 2021

Dear Facebook, you keep sending me Account Restriction notifications and claim that fact-checkers disagree with my worldviews. (Claim I am disseminating false Information). The last one you restricted I don’t even know which one that is, as you did not even show me, was on 27 December.

I get that you or mainstream people don’t understand or “Like” that I believe in Aliens/ the gods/alternate realities/faeries/spirits/ghosts etc etc etc.

I don’t believe in your draconian stifling of Truth, other people’s belief systems, etc etc, politics, anthropomorphic egocentric myopic orgasmic death cultured bullying either.

But here we are!

I have 99 friends. (99 luft balloons or bottles on the Wall!) Out of those 99 about five interact with me regularly and are dear valued true friends. The rest are just here for the shits and giggles or perhaps schadenfreude or idle curiosity.

I observed some of your staff recently “followed” my page! I wondered why that may be. I don’t understand the point of “followers” who don’t have the courage of their convictions to “Friend” me.

A person might wonder if these were real people or spy bots?

I am such in an innocuous harmless little old lady, alone in my garden with my pets and hobbies and my cobbled together spirituality mostly based on self determination after decades of trauma I experienced with “organised” religions. Ahem! That now you see me as a threat to the Meta verses?

Say what?! Don’t you know Mr Zuckerberg and his minions, that the Multiverse is way way bigger than that.

I mean really, truly! It is both spiritual abuse, and a deprivation of my individual rights to Silence me.

I am sure most of my friends that think I am batshit crazy or disagree with me just scroll on by when my posts come up on their “feed”. Anyone with half a brain knows not to read anyone’s thoughts or ideas they find irksome or problematic.

I am not out to convert anyone, to take prisoners, to hold hostage to my worldview. I am Doing my best to survive this covid epoch that has turned most people into mindless drones.

Living in fear of our doctors/scientists/governments and now “fact checkers” lol! When an entire global population is hijacked by fear -strange things happen to innocent people.

Last night I watched “Just Look Up” about an impending comet that was about to destroy humanity. I had to laugh.

Don’t you know that even Hollywood is taking the piss out of everyone’s apocalyptic fears and making money out of it? Or magically setting worse case scenarios in virtual reality so the salivating gods of death and destruction that inspired prophets of old can be assuaged and perhaps we can reset the timelines to a more beautiful, safe, peaceful future.

That beauty, that safety starts from within each human soul. It has to be created. It has to be fought for and it has to be carefully maintained and protected. Like a beautifully pruned topiary tree.

I need to access that ability to make money. Instead of gifting AI all my thoughts, dreams and aspirations for Free only to be “restricted” for that freedom of thought, soul, mind.

I have already lived in stringent restrictions whilst subsisting on a pension. Now you want to stunt my Voice, and my Truth as well.

I find it interesting that every time I strive to attain some level of success that I am Stymied, silenced, threatened by some faceless cowardly authority figure. I try not to think it’s personal but it’s starting to look Personal.

You know, I don’t accept Abuse. I have had a lifetime of it. So if Facebook wants to be “off its face” for the holiday season (like all patriarchies, acting out their control dramas when people are striving to celebrate life, freedom and happiness!) then You and I will have to part ways and I will have to get off your Wall. Off your grid. Out of your control.

I will be sad to leave my 99 friends. But life will go on.

Dear true and loyal loving fb friends: pm me if you wish to Maintain a connection/friendship outside of this program, if you wish to have my email address or mobile phone number so we can communicate interpersonally away from Facebook or Instagram.

I can see the time is nascent when we will be isolated from each other (not by choice but by increasingly external pressures!)

You know one of my mottos “the only way to win a game is not to play”. I will not allow my truth however alternative to the current mainstream peddling bots to be silenced. I don’t play games: I don’t have any interest in winning or losing anything. I am Me.

May the new year bless us all with better health, prosperity, truest deepest loves, true and loyal faithful partners, a community that supports and cares for us. More joy, more peace and more empowerment and self determination for those that were unfairly discriminated against, because we grew up from and over abusers in all aspects of our lives.

Yes we are unique. But that is our superpower and our beauty and our honour.

Never let the bastards grind you/me/us down.

We are humanity. Hold the line!

…

Wow! I slept until midday. (Finally fell asleep around 3 am). I am sitting in my garden, munching on the last of the trifle, with a cup of tea and Charlie and Bobo beside me!

It’s windy and cooler today. It rained during the night. Beautiful day, not too hot!

Last night I bought more paua shells. So I am excited about that. It’s a lot of work cutting them up for jewellery or inlays but I love them so much.

I have a tool for gem setting on back order with AJS so that will be another step in that direction.

I am going to have to be judicious with my pension as I need to buy sterling silver and possibly some gold so I can learn to make jewellery. But for now the paua shells will keep me occupied!

I made drawer handles out of two of the skulls that I made with resin and the scraps of broken paua/abalone that were left over from cutting out hearts and dots for my inlay projects. So I am delighted I found a way to use up all the leftover scraps.

Life is good. I have real hope for my future at long last! Even though it’s taking me a long time to gather my resources. 🙂

28 December 2020

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Gosh I feel exhausted. But I had another lovely day even if I did get too much sun while paper making.

Life is good! :-)

28 December 2019

11:11 pm angels, hear my call! Love me to the end of this paradigm and Beyond. Call me Home. Kiss me and let me soar free.

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9:21 am so in the last few days of 2019 which has been another difficult year but intensively healing...I managed to be arsekicked by a pinched sciatic nerve. In my left buttock, which makes it hard to walk or even lie comfortably in bed. I think I got a little chill from the fan blowing cool air on my hot menopausal tochas as I throw my doona off when I overheat.

I didn’t go dancing last night as I felt exhausted then this happened as well.

Oh well, more resting then perhaps I will drag myself out later.

28 December 2018

Today I am healing from the horror of Xmas eve and other foul abandonments. I am sitting on the grass, lovingly cradled by the earth and my heart is reconverging its brokenness.

I am being seen and loved by my beautiful bird Charlie and my dog, Beauregard. I am grateful for the love from Mark and Ruby, Lyn, Terrie, Karen, Laura and Louise who have checked in with me and honoured me with their love and time in recent days. Thank you!

My life is extraordinary in its traumas and deep spiritual gifts and I remain hopeful that the time is coming when the spirits/gods/elementals/ will permit me a love that is big and true, respectful and loyal, life-affirming and blessed.

Until that time arises I need to be the love that was so scorned and scarified. I need to be one with my G-d and all that is so that no one, no man woman or child can ever hurt or betray me again.

A mission that was always my life’s quest. To rise above the filth, the torture and to Become. Worthy. Loveable. Whole.

…

Another day in Paradise.

…

28 December 2017

11:27 am. Just got up. It’s raining. Hot and humid but wet. The garden will appreciate it.

What can I tell you? 6 days after today. My daughter. Incoming! Woot!

I had some weird dreams this morning. In one I was taking Toni Childs on a tour of what looked like the Wairarapa. The craggy outcrops I used to fantasise about visiting from my home in Island Bay. Across the harbour on the opposite side of the most southern parts of the North Island.

I dreamed we went shopping in a fancy mall (reminiscent of Sanctuary Cove or Marina Mirage here on the Gold Coast). Then we popped into one fancy store to visit a friend of hers who owned it and for some reason I laid down my ancient musquash coat on a chair along with and old suit and left it there while Toni and I went to visit a magical Place.

She was amazed when I started floating in the air and turning around in circles 6 ft off the ground. “How you doing that, Tanya?” “Just imagine you are pure light, Toni and you float up. It’s awesome. Not sure how to get back down to the ground though” and I giggled like a chortling school girl.

Next thing I knew I am back at the mall in the store and I ask the shop owner if my coat sold? He says “No, come pick it up. I got better things to do than sell old lady fur coats.” With a wave of his hand in annoyance.

Underneath the large upholstered chair were tiny perfume bottles. “you can have them if you want” so I crawl on the carpet and gather up the bottles, like about 20 or 30 of them. Stand up, smooth down my clothes, grab the fur coat and tailored suit (one I gave to Ashleigh in real life).

Toni says to the guy, “we not gonna have dinner together?” “Nah, I got other plans. A dinner date”. We look at each other, a tad disappointed. I roll my eyes. Bloody men. Blech! We leave the store.

The atmosphere (apart from the middle aged supercilious mincing queen of a shop owner) was light. There was a golden glow to everything. I felt happy even as I was rejected by the shopkeeper.

When we were at the rocks and I flew or floated I felt joyful and free. I did not care that I had no money or that I was perceived to be not good enough. In fact I was literally elevated.

No idea what the perfume bottles being gifted to me, but I had to scramble on the floor under the chair, were about.

Anyway the musquash coat still exists. I let Crystal use it for one of her plays but it started unravelling and bits of its fur fell off (it is about 100 years old). I have not thrown it out yet or composted it as you know, it was a gift from my godmother when I was 16 years old and I cherished it. Those dead Alaskan water rats did not die in vain.

I should do something with the remaining fur. I don’t know what to make from it. Merkins??? Lmao!

I have another coat from my mother that hangs useless in my wardrobe. Still wearable. I might donate that to a theatre one day.

28 December 2015

I love my Chris Pantano balls I bought years ago at Montville. I used to love visiting his studio and watching him at work. Amazing stuff!

…

Annette visited and brought me a yummy lunch, cherries, plums and apricots and beautiful chocolates. We had a lovely time together watching Beauregard show off for her and playing with Mushu. Thank you, Annette X

…

I better get up to let Beauregard run amok. I have had 3 hours sleep. Wired for sound. Gonna be Crazzzy later. Or fall back into bed :-).

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5.34 am. I had a lovely night out last night. Danced until 2 then went outside to spend time with Katrina. She gave me a $5 chip as she can't cash it as she is banned from casino. I told her I would change it but give the money back to her. She wanted me to keep the $5.

I changed it, gave it to her but let her buy me a coffee at the 7-11 later on. We sat until 4.30 am then I headed home in time to witness the most beautiful sunrise.

Bobo was happy to see me. I took him outside for his morning ablutions. Then brought him into my bed but he had the bities and chewed my hands, arms and refused to settle so he is back in his dog crate.

Pity. I felt like a snuggle. Penny is here instead, curled up at my feet. He really annoyed her too.

28 December 2014

It's hard not to get stuck in grief sometimes. I had a fight with my daughter who can't or won't relate to me, emotionally. I went dancing last night. I keep moving through life even though it is plastic and full of mirrors and superficial and mostly fucked.

But it's better than the Zombie lifestyle I lived for over 20 years, a barely functioning auto-maton, determined to survive long enough to raise my kids. Alone, with no real family support and no money.

Well, I did it. I am a raging fucking success as a woman and a mother. I still don't know how I made it through to be alive in this moment and to be the proud mother of adult children. (No matter one rejected me out of hand cos I am poor and damaged and the other one thinks she can only be in my life cos I emotionally blackmail her).

Fuck that Shit. Fuck the Hell off. I have faced Death so many times the Bitch has love bites on my neck. I had to fend Her off, just to get us through.

I am not wanted, never was wanted. If I left this planet in a trice, noone would give a rats arse, except a few. 3 people might say, "Oh god, what a tragic waste." Those 3 people might be the only ones who know what it cost me, ethically, financially, physically, emotionally, mentally, to be alive and yet still remain a loving decent person.

Everyone else would either be relieved or throw a party.

Well I am Worth more than that and I know it. So I take up space and oxygen and I dance and I laugh in the face of the absurdities of simply being Me.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And Stronger. And still yet stronger.

I am sick of being strong, alienated, cast aside, brutalised and used. Seriously, over it.

…

Socks just had a baby scrub turkey in his mouth. I had to prise his jaws open to free it. Then he raced after it again. It was laying on its back playing dead. I grabbed Socks. Put him inside. Went to pick up the baby bird but he ran away. Hopefully he doesn't die from his injuries.

Sally Castle: I tell you, he's a brutal killer. Always was.

Me: He growled and snarled at me all night as I wouldn't let him outside to hunt. He really gave me a bollocking. Bloodthirsty little bastard. I let him out at 2 pm when I got up. He was so happy about that.

Sally Castle: Keep him inside at night - he grew up used to that. Little beggar.

…

Kookaburras are singing their morning melody. Cats are purring. Crickets are chirping. I am happy (albeit exhausted!)

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4.10 am. Home safe. I had a great night out. Now can't feel my legs or feet :-). The nice hot shower helped wash the sweat off but I really need to soak my tootsies but I am too tired now.

Time for a nice hot cup of tea, methinks.

28 December 2013

This link was sent to me by my friend Jarrod and having just read it in its entirety it completely resonates with me as a NZer, and perhaps as a Viking of Scottish ergo Norse descent. I am just blown away by the symbolism being so perfectly preserved and the myth of the NZ faery folk actually being ancient white people is also amazing and something that I had read about long ago.

It inspires me to once again purchase a greenstone Tiki, which is the symbol of good luck, fertility (well, I'm past that stage lol) and protection. I think it would be a wise amulet for a Wise Woman to at least have amongst my precious treasures.

Interestingly, I've been wearing the African fertility goddess earrings that Carol bought me many years ago in Zimbabwe so this is attracting synchronistic energy. While I may not be fertile physically any more, I certainly could enjoy some rampant abundance and joyous reinvigoration and potential prosperity? Psychedelic Dreamer Dreams.....Psy Sighs lmao.

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7.54am. Still haven't been to bed. I found Hecate with a red raw chest and abdomen area. Looks like moult. Couldn't find any bird lice but I gave her a cool bath in some natural pet soap I used on Bella. She seemed to find the bath a tad soothing although I am sure it was unorthodox treatment for a chook. Then I put aloe vera on the red sore skin. She also didn't fight me on this. I gave all 3 hens some worms as extra protein is needed for feather production.

Not sure what else to do. Hopefully the aloe vera heals the sore skin. I hadn't realised she was so bad until I had a good look at her this morning.

The poor bedraggled creature is now trying to lay an egg which is insane as in the state she is in, she should be off the lay. Hmmm.

…

6.22 am still awake, still facebooking. Wow. I had a lovely time with Sarah. So glad we went out. I needed to dance and rock out. Weather finally looking murky here, perhaps we will get the long awaited storm??? I am all revved up so methinks today is the day.

Did I mention I feel extraordinarily happy? Well, not too happy, but happier than usual. Going to get off the internet, and go commune with my hens and goldfish. Then perhaps sleep. Check yas!

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3.39 am. home safe. Had a great night rocking out with Berst and my favourite Rock chicks Sarah, Shauna and Sam.

28 December 2012

The lovely rainstorm which smelt sweeter than Honey when it came through as lifted my spirits and refreshed my dehydrated old husk of a body. It's awesome! It will be great out tonight with the freshly electricity charged ions. I wonder if the men will be equally as 'charged'? I might have to keep my eyes open LMAO!

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8.43 am. Still knackered but got woken by BCC mowing men whippersnappering next to my car. So just got up and moved it up my driveway. Walking the Zombie sleep of the almost Dead was not pretty. Going back to sleep now!

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4.33 am. Knackered! Put lots of stuff away so reclaiming my space in the house! Surprising how quickly it gets out of control! Feeling happy now that I am making progress. Dishes are done also, bedding changed, washing all done.

I am ready for my big weekend! Well, almost. Still need to clean floors and a few other things.

28 December 2011

Garden watered, Dog de-fleaed and bathed, music playing, might have a cheap wine! And relax in the bath! Life is good!

Thanks Hashem for answering my prayers, re: Heartworm and Flea Control...now where is that other wish I was hoping to have fulfilled like a lovely sexy devoted Boyfriend. Oh well....time will tell! LOL.

…

I was impressed with yet another Chanukah Miracle this morning. I had been stressing over how I was going to afford to buy Miss Bella Rosa's flea and heartworm control which was due today. I had worried for about 4 or 5 days.

Money being very tight and I'd kept my word to pay back the other Chanukah miracle Loan so I was sort of going out of my mind with worry. I go out to the letterbox and you could have knocked me down with a feather!

I had won a package of Revolution with 3 months supply for participating in a survey on PawsClub. I just could not believe it! Not only is it extremely rare that I ever win anything...but the timing was perfect! So on went the Revolution!

Viva La Revolucion! but Miss Bella had other ideas....she managed to dunk herself while chasing her ball in my big bucket while I was collecting wormwee after flushing out worm farm. So after the Revolution, came the Cleansing...in the bath! Hahahahahha!

I just hope the stuff had had enough time to soak into her skin and will keep the fleas off her LOL.

28 December 2010

Another lovely meal cooked by Gail tonight. Tandoori chicken with rice and kumara. I'm truly spoilt.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons