Memories: 2 December 2023

2 December 2023

2 December 2021

I just had a meditation. I got three words “Brigitte or Birgitta or Bridget” later I was shown the Star Trek ship “USS Enterprise” so the word “enterprise” was important and another word “coagulate or coalition or possibly coalesce”. No idea what any of this means but these are my messages.

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Surprised to See this comment from 2009. I only started studying shamanism two years ago, well, joined various groups and shared my experiences. I am not a Shaman. No idea what I am anymore. I left almost all the groups after fighting with various “shamans” about the swastika and their lack of empathy or even basic understanding about the Holocaust.

So I know I am still a Jew and will always fight for my people. (Even though my own community spent decades kicking me in the face and stabbing me in the back too!) but I will never allow antisemitism on my Watch. Nor stand by and ignore other bigotry either.

From 2 December 2009: I've decided today that I was born to be a Shaman but unfortunately I have only been a Sham so far, Shame, Man!

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My grandfather’s land that my mother stole from me. He shook hands with her that I was to inherit it. Whatever! Acopic criminals run in my family line.

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Pondering on selling my car since I won’t be allowed to go anywhere except the supermarket and doctor as of 17th December. The thing mostly sits on my driveway going nowhere as it is.

It won’t be much use in an actual state of emergency as the roads get blocked and I have no money to escape anywhere with.

Fragile feeling.

Simmy Sim: Ohh hunni I hope your ok X

Me: Simmy Sim am okay. Booked car in for a service but need to seriously think about whether I keep the car.

Debra Star: Keep it, you never know what's coming

Me: Debra Star hon a car won’t save from the coming tyranny. But yes I am keeping it going…for now. It might just be worth enough to pay for a cheap funeral if the worst happens.

Cheerful thoughts!

Debra Star it was last serviced on 20 May 2019 so in a year and a half has not quite done 10k that is how Iittle I drive it.

Debra Star: Tanya Arons ouch - I have similar cheerful thoughts. The car is probably my most expensive item (petrol, insurance, rego, servicing etc!) but I feel safer having it.

Me: Debra Star yes insurance, rego etc keeps me very poor. I almost think I would be better off without it. But it’s a symbol of my freedom of movement which thanks to that evil perverted palazcuk bitch I no longer have anyway!

Debra Star: I think freedom of movement is vitally important - esp now days when we can be thrust into a C19 lock down so very easily

Me: Debra Star I guess I can still access the supermarkets but then without a car I could also buy online although it’s more expensive with the delivery fees etc

Never mind I have survived three strangulations, serious debilitating discrimination over many years and marginalisation and poverty. I can survive this shit…for now!

Debra Star: Tanya Arons yep I know that you can!!

Kelly Anne: All our carbon guzzling cars are going on the scrap heap soon anyway. Its probably a smart move getting out now & recouping what money you can.

I cant afford electric either so once this car dies, unless a rebate is offered, Im gonna be housebound also. A lot of us gonna be unable to be independent soon. Govtdoesnt care. Neither does society. Vulnerable ppl just don't matter. Not anymore.

Me: Kelly Anne vulnerable people never mattered. They have been bringing us to the brink of suicide for decades. Fuck the elitist bastards and their social experiments and Agenda 21. Every day is a battlefield. But I am still breathing and so are you so that my dear is a defiance and triumph par excellence.

Kelly Anne: We nevered mattered much but with capitalism, we matter ever less each passing second.

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1:19 am must attempt sleep. Laila Tov. See you on the flip side!

2 December 2020

3:30 am another sleepless night. Oh my. I hope I crash and burn soon. My eyes hurt! Too much going on in my head. But life is good. So I choose to embrace my current bout of hypomania.

Robyn, Peter and Ailsa invited me for a cup of tea and I could not stop blathering. I had to apologise as I barely give anyone a chance to respond when I am like this!

Robyn was very kind and said she enjoys how my mind takes all Sorts of lateral segues. Pete said he himself is a Mad scientist.

I told him being a Mad scientist is a good thing as it means he has extra neurons synapsing and can create great things!

Ailsa admired my hands which are swollen from the heat and my incessant activities. She said I had small hands and sorta stroked them in a motherly way. I replied that I have big hands and big feet as I am a Hobbit but what can I do but go on adventures without my personal Bilbo Baggins!

She showed me her 90 year old hands which were inflamed at the joints from Osteo-arthritis and I said I think my hands will be like hers in a few years time as the swelling under the skin I am getting is very weird!

When I left I had an urge to ask her for a hug. She shyly agreed. We hugged. It was lovely. I miss having a Mother I suppose. Although during my childhood my only real mother was my neighbour Mrs June Robertson. Her hugs were amazing!

I also stopped in at Margot’s place and we all Chatted (although I apologised for popping in just on dinner time) as time had gotten away from me as I have been so frenetically busy!

Margot gave me some sweet potato chips. Yum. So I just realised I have reverted to my childhood state where I would wander into people’s houses and be utterly spoiled with desserts or dinners or cups of tea and more importantly be accepted and adored for my peculiar quirky ways.

Life has brought me full circle! Which is very cute in a way!

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9:15 am Awake after about 4 hours sleep. But grateful for that rest at last. My brain has been on overdrive. Also my body relentlessly pushing itself like the Mustang Kwe I am.

Summer fever ...and it’s barely the beginning of Summer!

I hope today is less hypomanic and I move through it a bit more gently and serenely.

At 2 am it was so stifling hot that I went outside and lay in my hammock. I had my sarong on so I laid myself bare under the tree and fussed and mused. The possums came and climbed through the macadamia nut tree and into the golden rain tree and sat above my head, carefully watching me. They are like little wild pets now.

Mama Poss “Lily” studied me for some time.. Probably trying to work out why I was in her nightscape with my naked fat Hobbit body slung between worlds insomniacally writhing on my last exhausted but temporal nerve.

I soaked up her unconditional but prosaic love like a sponge at the bottom of an post-apocalyptic sun scorched ocean.

It was quite wonderful and blissful. The only awake human in my Sacred Space garden, with my trees and the possums and my stoic determination to thrive.

But Bobo decided that his Mama should not be outside alone so he set up a hue and a cry and as it was the middle of the night (and the mosquitoes had started to torpedo my flesh anyway...I reluctantly returned to my bed). Otherwise I might have fallen asleep in the hammock.

For one brief moment I had felt like Bathsheba bathing in the moonlight and was smugly relieved that there was no King David to lecher around me but we all know how that goes....

“Break the spell...” but my love runs deep and like a Mustang bolting out of the wolves den...I had my characteristic little aberration and wrote mad love texts and so...fell for the lure and made a damn fool of myself again.

But I was authentic. I was courageous and I was... factual.

Real love keeping it real even as my Charlie spits it out as a corn chip and my heart is just as salty and brittle.

C’est la vie. The Tanya rises again on her tippy toes of Fate! Too late, too late but she accepts her Plate.

The festive repast of the regurgitated past. A muse amusingly bemused by the heart’s strange and unforgotten Lustre (even amidst my sanguine but cantankerous bluster) which I sink like a stone in a pool of deepest most eternal love... and smile.

It’s just another wave of lost opportunity and regret, and a reminder of the sabotage and ancient curses.

Shake it off like a pearl diver’s dog and begin...again.

L’Chaim! To life! Onwards and upwards.

:-)

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Young Harrison who is 12 not 14 appeared at my back door. I was fussing over something in my laundry, so got a bit of a fright!

He asked if the pictures on the street were free. I said “Yes, they are out there for anyone who wants them”. He said he wanted the one with the tulips and windmill to give to his Opa. I smiled. Perfect! The tulips are being rehomed with another “tulip”. Kismet.

I told him I did that tapestry when I was 9 years old so it is 46 years old. He was very impressed.

He took two other tapestries, as an early Christmas present for his grandmother. Sweet boy!

I told him gently that if they don’t like or want them to not get upset as they are very old and the frames need renovating and the tapestries need a good clean. I told him how to clean them with bran and an old stocking.

Since he ended up taking three of them, I offered to drive him home as it is too hot and cumbersome to carry them.

He tells me he would like to visit Germany and Holland. That is his background.

I tell him I am glad the tulips are going to his Dutch Opa as that is like keeping it in the “familia” as he is my friend. I smiled my wry smile.

Funny old world, innit?!

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Just had a call from my gp’s clinic. I made an appointment for tomorrow. Turns out there is a problem with my upper abdomen.

No shit Sherlock. Constant Pain for the past 2 years does not lie.

I hope it’s nothing too serious. But ...oh well.

2 December 2019

I just weighed myself and have dropped two kilos in a week. Now weigh 88.8 kgs. (I was 90.40 kgs on my home scales or 88.6 kgs on doctor’s one last Monday) Too scared to have any heavy meals after last Tuesday’s bad gastric/asthma attack. I have painful haemorrhoids now also. Not cool.

The heat is making me feel uncomfortable also. Still weak, and having hot flushes and generally feelin awful.

At least my gut has settled down. Asthma has been constantly bad.

I am due to get my blood test results by tomorrow or Wednesday. That should be interesting as I had my bloods done Friday morning after that epic attack Tuesday.

I have felt like I am Dying all week. Perhaps I am!

I just took first dose of hrt Ovestin cream. I need to take it every night for a week then reduce to every three days.

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Very high winds this morning. I had to bring Mr Charlie back inside. Just had a cuddle with Sophie who decided to start eating again yesterday. (Like every time I gird my heart to euthanise her, she starts fighting for her life again. But she is a walking skeleton zombie cat now.

It’s time. But not today. She ate well yesterday. I am too tired and sick myself so maybe in a few days time. Love my wee girl. She’s a fighter like me.

2 December 2018

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2 December 2017

I had a lovely afternoon with Terina Eddy. We practised ukelele which was fun! Terina cooked pasta for our lunch, and we took Beauregard for a walk to a local park at Wooloongabba. Beau kept trying to unpack her suitcase and managed to sneak two pairs of socks out of the case (naughty boy!) so we took him out for a bit of a constitutional!

Thanks Terina for the lovely day x

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This would have come in handy for all the millions of cups of tea I was forced to make for my mother, sister and Cees’s Klaverjas gambling friends. (Smirk).

(Link is missing)

2 December 2015

My Maltshi is adorable. He is currently trying to get on my table and steal my Brie. Nuh uh fool. He just had turkey mince for dinner.

Jarrod Nielsen: Nice normal puppy! Loving this puppy ownership by proxy ;) so easy! Lolol

Me: Lol! You are family Jarrod. After 24 years next February! No proxy. I am glad you are happy about the new man in our life. Shared happiness is double the joy.

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We just got home from my debrief. My doctor says Bev has Munchhausens by proxy and a bad attachment disorder. Makes sense. I feel something went terribly wrong so quick and she was so quick to refund the money. She wanted her dog back. She did not have to slander me on her Facebook group.

But I have a lovely little Maltese-shitzu who loves me. So I am a richly blessed woman. My Dr thought he is lovely.

He told me that Jarrod is a wonderful friend to take me out on Sunday to buy another puppy. He would have done the same thing. It was exactly what was needed. He said I am a good hearted woman with a sweet innocence, a loving heart and generosity of spirit.

Now we need to work on building up my filters so I don't keep falling for abusers and sociopaths. This has been my life's work and still it happens.

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11.24 am just woke up. Exhausted from the last debacle. Thanks to my beautiful friends who know me and love me, for your wonderful support.

Little Bobo has been sleeping on my bed most of the morning. He is a good little puppy.

I have a debrief with my psychiatrist today. I am sure he will be amazed to hear that I was once again groomed and seduced by a sociopath and the ensuing nastiness. But life moves on :-).

2 December 2014

On bus home from Bunnings.

My glow in the dark resin powder arrived so I went to get the casting resin, catalyst and shit. Bought two herbs as well. German chamomile and heliotrope.

2 December 2013

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4.36 am. Now in bed. Need to sleep before I visit the Russian Australian govt employed "little shop of horrors" dentist for some free but fucked up supermarket shit Dentistry.

I wish I had money so I didn't have to suffer the Systemic abuse reserved for the poor. Last time I saw her she ripped a tooth out cos it was cracked all the way through from years of my grinding on it (the glee on her face was ghastly but I allowed this to happen, beaten down by pain and discomfort).

Then weeks more of suffering cos I got a Dry Socket and after that awful experience I will never let her rip out another tooth. The pain was intense and QE 2 resented giving me a script for codeine which I needed.

So I have spent the night talking to my Paltalk pals and giving myself a pedicure and remaining calm.

Now to sleep to face the Hag of Odessa in the afternoon! Or Moscow or Kiev. Tragic thing is Russian dentists used to be among the best in the world. Oyyy, I have to get the class dumbie.

Oh well. Life goes on. I will be counting teeth in my sleep.

2 December 2012

Awesome Awesome Happy Weekend! So happy! And Awesome! Completely exhausted now! But worth it!p

Casino is closing down the dance floor in New Year so we are all upset about that as we are all similar age ranges and have so much fun and surely they make heaps from the drinks? Does my head in! Where will my next Venue be? Have to think hard about that!

2 December 2010

Happy Chanukah to all my favourite Jew Crew and Jews everywhere. I had a happy time at the Candle Lighting tonight at Carindale. I was thrilled to have a coffee with Regina and see some other people I haven't seen in years.

2 December 2009

A Shaman's work is never done...off for some more Psychedelic Dreaming...my speciality....Snore!

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I've decided today that I was born to be a Shaman but unfortunately I have only been a Sham so far, Shame, Man!

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Not doing quizzes for a while as I am pissed off that they have such terrible spelling, grammar and syntax, ask too many personal questions which they can't even spell and won't update the quizzes past October 8 so I have to keep working backwards in time. I mean....Really!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons