Memories: 19 May 2023

19 May 2023

Today I am going to the city to buy some sterling silver wire for my projects. The sun is shining. I feel happy and positive.

I spent the morning fixing up a fork ring I made. The stone I had glued on it, fell off yesterday. But that was a good thing as it meant I could go back in and finish decorating with a ball bur, the sterling silver part which was under the red tiger eye bead. I also made it a size smaller as it was too loose on my finger.

19 May 2022

Watching “Love on the Spectrum” on Netflix. I am feeling slightly awkward that I too have never had a proper relationship or dated successfully in decades. I don’t even have autism. So I can attribute my lack of socialisation in neurotypical ways to my complex ptsd and the murderous cunts I attracted to myself for years. Psy sighs.

I ponder if I should be brave and attempt dating again. But can I sustain it? The actual dates: without getting the heebie jeebies or rolling my eyes or getting weirded out?

I had a debrief with my psych yesterday and he reminded me that after my suicide attempt in 2015 I stated bluntly that I simply cannot bear any more ugliness. That I was Done! There had been soooo much vicious ugliness.

So he wishes for me that I continue to create beauty in my life, with my art and my love for life and this planet, in spite of all the horror and ugliness.

That I invite love back into my life one day. Arrghhh how many more decades of therapy will that take? It’s a rhetorical question. If the right person arrives in my life I will know. No more cruel vapid sadomasochistic games. No more ugliness.

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Update: integrity is everything and so is gratitude. So after my fair bloody bollocking about the housing commission maintenance call centre argumentative insane creature!

This is the result! A lovely new mixmaster installed by a lovely Scottish plumber (thank you to my ancestors for getting things fixed…also my infamous Pictish temper!)

The kitchen cupboard door was fixed on Monday but the cabinet maker told me that it’s still dodgy so he will be replacing the door. (As I stated needed doing several years prior).

So I am satisfied and contented with my lot as it was dangerous and insane-making having the broken door (which fell down and nearly crushed Bobo’s skull!) and the non-usable mixmaster.

So thank you Queensland government! Cheers :-)

19 May 2021

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19 May 2020

Comment from 19 May 2020 on a video I made.

Correction: Cees was my paedophile de facto stepfather (of 23 years until his death)

Trevor Singh was my paedophile Godfather. (really it makes no real difference as they both had strong but perverted influences on my life which affected every aspect of my adult life. In particular, forming safe trustworthy relationships with men.

I have had to be my own man and own woman, own mother and own father longer than I can remember (at a time in my early childhood when I was surrounded by 4 father figures and two “mummies”).

My psychiatrist made a valid point in therapy a few weeks ago: I should not ever trust in women either after the number that my own mother, half sister and later in life, female friends did on me.

But life is all about finding your tribe and making mistakes and trusting often the wrong people as we can’t possibly predict with any sort of accuracy how monstrous people can or will get but now I trust my own inner “red flags”. Abuse starts off with tiny infractions.

Almost trivial. But it soon conflagrates into immense horror if you are not awake to it. The stuff you brush aside or slip third base sooner or later burns down your home and destroys your life. Literally and figuratively.

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I woke up with a cough. I know it’s not covid but it’s gonna be a drag with full blown asthma having every paranoid maniac thinking I have covid. Just as well Crystal made me a mask.

19 May 2019

11:11 am. I had a great night last night with my gorgeous friends. Now utterly exhausted but content with my lot.

Only fly in my ointment is Scummo and the Liberals were voted back in. Australia...what has become of you. Courting Nazis and abusers and climate destroyers like this. Harrowing!

But I will continue my life as normal until the inevitable revolution. Mama T will not go quietly in to a hell that you all permitted. Naturally...🙂.

I voted Greens for the first time in my life. That is how passionate I am about not voting in the corrupt earth destroyers and violators of women’s rights. But now we are in the thick of the Handmaids Tale and 1984! Terrifying.

See you on the flip side I guess.

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I am grateful for my mind, my Hobbit warrior goddess body (even if it is bunged up with excess bile and flagging gall bladder), my survival and high hopes of thrival, my dog, cats, birds, fish, garden, and my soul family of true friends and my daughter (even if she is not always on the same page as me).

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19 May 2018

19 May 2017

Busy day. I washed all the window tracks. Did the dishes. Took down the kitchen window and washed it too. Still have lots of furniture to wash down (too dirty for dusting lol) but made a lot of progress.

I even fixed my hoop petticoat that has been lying around for months. I can wear my crinoline style evening skirt again now the petticoat is back in order.

I hung up the curtains properly that hide the hats/bags and assorted stuff on the cupboard in the spare room. Just need to cut them shorter and hem them.

Little annoying jobs that have been staring at me for several years. Not sure about cutting the curtains short as they actually belong to Crystal. So might just leave them as they are. But it looks much nicer now they are hung properly.

Oh oh and ohhh it is such a nice feeling to actually have clean floors!!!

I got up on a chair and cleaned the metal lampshades and cleaned the suncatchers as well.

My back has been hurting all day which I presume is due to the wet weather ie rheumatism/arthritis but I have had a nice cool wet day to get stuff done.

I hung up one of my mother's tapestries last night. It looks nice too.

I need to buy 2 wooden blinds for the front living room. I might check out op shops as sometimes they have them but they are really wide windows. So might be hard to get the right size.

Hmmm. Or I can string up some old blankets as winter is coming and the windows are dark and ominous at night now. Never bothered me during summer for some reason but yes, it will behoove me to keep what heat I put on, in the house not going out the window.

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Mama T now roasting vegetables. Potato, sweet potato, capsicum, onion. I threw some rosemary on top, Himalayan salt, cracked pepper, Peri peri spice, some golden syrup, olive oil. It should taste very nice.

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A very strange thing just happened chez moi! I mopped AND vacuumed the floors. The foot on my vacuum cleaner broke as I was finishing off the lounge but I continued intrepidly. First time I have cleaned floors in, um too embarrassed to say, but it has been weeks.

I now need to buy a new vacuum foot from Godfreys grr.

19 May 2016

I had a wonderful day and night with Lyn and Annette. Lyn, Danni, Amy and I had lunch together at Alexandra Hills Hotel. Then Annette joined Lyn and I for the afternoon. We went to see Florence Foster Jenkins which was hilarious.

Then we had a cheese platter (thanks Annette!) for dinner and sat by the chimenea Fire, drinking wine, supping on the yummy cheese, pâté and kransky sausage. Lyn's neighbour Karl played his karaoke in his shed so we ended up singing along and dancing by our fire.

Until his elderly mother told him it was too noisy so he packed up and went to bed. A grown man, cranky at his mother. Lmao. He was playing our favourite songs too!

It was a beautiful night. The Stars were smiling down upon us. The moon just a whisker off being full. The air was still and fresh. Beauregard had a wonderful time too. He decided to chew the kindling we had for the fire. Orally obsessive.

Lyn gave us bags of Maltesers for the movies, and a can of lemonade. Annette bought me a cappuccino. We all had a wonderful time and I am grateful to my adopted sisters for spoiling me. Feeling much loved!

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Lyn and Annette and I went to see Florence Foster Jenkins, starring Meryl Streep and Hugh Grant. What a delightfully funny movie. I laughed all the way through it. Also, there is hope for me yet! Thuperthtar!

19 May 2015

1.03 am. Home safe. Tucked Up in bed. Laila Tov!

19 May 2014

Crystal invited me to celebrate her closing night of the play with her. She was tipsy so she finally agreed to meet me at Irish Murphy's. When I got there she was merrily chatting to some Americans. So I danced and let her have fun with her fellow actress, Jane and their new friends.

Then when the pub closed Crystal and I went to the casino. There she met a lovely Irish Plumber from Belfast who jokingly offered to be the "father of my grandchildren" when I bemoaned the fact that I am a grandmother to my precious Rabbit, Ramon.

I thought that was very sweet of him. A young man not put off by mad potential mothers in law and their desire for human progeny.

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I slept at Crystal's place. We went to bed at 5 am. Had 6 hours sleep. Now heading home to feed animals and get ready for hairdresser.

Tomorrow the car gets serviced then I am back to broke. Sliding third base through life as usual. Gritty but fun!

I was talking in my sleep and trying to climb the wall. Crystal woke me up and we both laughed. It was awesome.

19 May 2013

19 May 2011

I planned on taking a bus to go to pick up my repairs at jewellers but got put off because it is raining and my umbrella is missing, not that it's a very good one anyway. Then I planned on going anywhere, just to escape my hermitage.

Then I just gave in and watched tv all day. Which was cool as I had terrible stomach pains all day. So probably a good thing I stayed home! What a life!

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I just partook of a wonderful dinner lovingly (and out of sheer hunger and desperation as well!) prepared by moi. It was so good I ate two bowls of it. Beef, coconut milk, stirfry vege, with chickpeas (not many veges in fridge!) with real frozen curry leaves, soy sauce and peri peri sauce (just for kicks!) It was awesome! Sigh! I seem to be able to throw yummy things together when I am especially hungry lol.

Now I have a huge craving for berry pie, but no berries in house! Awwww!

Actually the craving for pie started yesterday lol. Think I better eat more curry and rice noodles instead.

I'm going to have to buy a curry tree for my garden. I love the flavours the leaves impart to any dish so much.

19 May 2010

0.886 gms of years of dross, ugliness and slander perpetuated by my mother and Buck Scherer posted to my lawyer yesterday. So glad to get that evilness out of my house and hope my lawyer can make sense of it all (cos I don't think I will ever come to terms with it myself).

The scary thing is I have plenty more documentation still here. Looking forward to making compost out of it one day!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons