Memories: 18 November 2023

18 November 2023

18 November 2021

I was just sitting in my garden, having had my breakfast. A young man just walked by with his cute little bichon frise or Maltese looking dog. Bobo went up to the fenceline and did not bark.

The man said “oh hello you!” paused then walked down a bit further and turned and looked at me. I looked right back at him, in part astonishment. He looked a lot like David Davidson. Could have been his son!

My blood started to freeze in my veins but in characteristic Warrior goddess style I gave him my enigmatic smile. Not too warm and engaging but friendly enough to stave off most enemies.

I have my coral pink maxi dress on with my layers of coral and freshwater Pearl necklaces. So perhaps he just stopped to admire my “regalia”.

How weird would it be if it were Davidson’s son and he lives near me? But surely not!

It was still quite weird however. I am being put on notice by the multiverses. Expect the unexpected today!

18 November 2020

Today has been agonising. I stuffed up the grouting of the table. It dried too fast and I only covered two thirds of the table.

Then I spent until just now 6:43 pm, scraping the excess grout off the top of the tiles. In between I managed to go get a blood test and then go back to the pathology with a stool sample. Then straight back to scratching and scraping my table.

I did not stop working on it even when the new lawnmower man arrived to do the mowing around 4:30 pm.

I was already beyond exhausted but feared stopping as the grout will only get harder. (It cures over 7 days!) so my beautiful artwork is still not finished!

I still have to grout the rest of the table tomorrow. It’s starting to give me a nervous breakdown. But I think it won’t be as bad. I will use less grout and hope for a better outcome tomorrow.

Oh and I got a massive sunburn which is totally reckless given my skin already is staving off skin cancers.

But I was so focused on my table that I had no time for anything else.

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18 November 2019

I feel Almost breathless and utterly amazed at the exponential healing I have received in recent weeks. I think it absolutely escalated since I attended the Tara Puja.

Richard Mahler’s shamanic healing last Sunday was amazing too. Then the absolute magical healing at Ecstatic Dance which truly was a free-flowing multifaceted healing as I was also actively healing others that night. (Although not quite consciously aware of what was going on!). Beautiful. It’s been a beautiful few weeks.

Sophie was feeling good today. She even went outside for a while. She was quite interactive with me. Which is also unusual.

Magic is happening chez moi. And Love. So much Love. From unexpected sources.

Blessed Be the Holy One and His limitless love and fierce protection. Grateful happy woman here.

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A letter I wrote to Angela’s Father when I was 9 years old. I had obviously been lied to about going to Australia for 6 months! We lived in Melbourne with Cees for three and a half years until I begged my mother and Cees to return to NZ for my high schooling.

Painful the mention of Trevor and the teddy bear. I still have that teddy bear. Jesus!

Update 18 Nov 2020: I burnt Teddy on 27 April 2020. I symbolically cut ties to that Abuser at last.

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CATHARSIS

We are the generation that went mad to heal ourselves.

We will Overcome again and again for we have love, insight, resilience and honour.

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I just got a message back from Heidi. She has letters to send me that my mother wrote to her father over the years. Also a letter I wrote as a child. I said I would like the one I wrote. It will be deeply painful to go over old ground again. But such is my life.

I suppose the letter I wrote as a child will be quite sweet, if not dictated by Gisela. I don’t remember writing to him. Mum had me write often to “auntie” Lotte but that was because she absolutely lavished us in expensive gifts from Germany: China, Crystal, jewellery and tailored German clothing for me which of course looked very strange to NZ and Australian children, so mostly got me beaten up at school.

Ahh well, I will look at my letter as a tiny bit of soul retrieval. Her father Hans treated me with decency and kindness which was a rarity during my childhood. So it might be a precious souvenir after all.

18 November 2018

Tame her, they said. Tame her for she is a Mustang Kwe. But I will not be tamed. I run with the wolves, I gallop with the mustang, I fly with the eagles. Tame her so she will know Love they say. But love will only come to me when he has proven himself Safe, Loyal and True. Authentic, loving and chooses me and only me.

I will not be tamed for I am hewn from the rock of ages that is weathered by time and the misbegotten atrocities of our epoch. I am anointed and edified by ancient moribund griefs and the worse grief of all was grieving for one still alive. But in the way of all trickster gods he comes to stare and mock and thinks in his ignorant folly that this little dolly will melt like butter on his gristled pernicious dick.

Ahh but no!

Ancient gods decreed my fate long before I was implanted into a womb that succoured no love for her own children. Spurned and spawned in the greasy precarious childhood of adversity.

But who am I to go against the gods??? The wise ones sit and plotz with twinkles in their eyes, gleaming from distant stars in our Milky Way.

Well I Am Not HERE for your entertainment, full of artifice and capricious tests of faith and life chi!

I raise my fist to the gods and down they cast a hailstorm of laughter and merriment. “That’s my girl! Mama T/The Tanya/The Desired One flawlessly fierce and frigidly fragile! Watch her Rise and Shine and dance the dance of oblivion. By Joves/by Odin/by Adonai and the Schechinah...we think she has got it”

What have I got? Really?! Dunno but watch this Space in the ever-glitching matrix in a certain reality. I am riding my own Chariot. Been tongue kissed by too many scattered soul remnants of Judas Iscariot (not.even.my.religion but give me a little poetic license!)

Well next time that Roiling Epiglottis wants to lick my tonsils with its fakery remind me, Someone, to bite out his false and fickle filthy tongue and spit it where the dogs of Hell can at least devour it.

Oh wait...where was I? Ahh yes...being fucking Tamed. Maybe next life. I have warrior goddess shit to do in this one. I shall not be tamed until every woman and her child is safe and honoured in this society.

Thank the gods the world is waking up. But now we need action. Live by the sword die by the sword but live by lies and deception then die in confusion and debasement and become a nothing person and a no one.

Yeah they stand in their little enclave of filth. Think they are better than me. Holy and righteous. But they are merely impure imps who pay lip service to a G-d that merely waits in quiet awe for their days on Earth be done.

If I am truly loved by my Holy One then I shall bear witness to the Reckoning. Perhaps sitting on a psychedelic rainbow passing glasses of Jack Daniels and imbibing chocolate with Papa Legba and Quetzalcoatl...if they will have me at their party of consciousness.

Ahhh yes my love, find your Vibe find your Tribe. Let there be merriment and rectification in all the worlds: psychedelic dreamer is here!

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18 November 2017

Feeling strangely serene. Anticipation (like someone has important news for me or I am to have a break through). I lay in bed, feeling warm and cosseted. I had a good long sleep.

Now showered (at 5.24 pm) and ready to face the remains of the day and the nascent night.

It rained all day. Heavily. But even that was comforting after weeks of soul-sucking depleting drought.

Karen and I went dancing last night so we came home exhausted. We had a good time apart from Karen having to shove off creepy bald stalker guy to get him away from us and I was stalked by a former lover as well.

He danced right next to me or beside me or behind me with another of his flames. I just ignored him. Utter creep. To think he declared true love to me a few months ago and I am so grateful I saw through his sick emotional psychopathic game.

I looked across to see my friend Len quietly watching over me as he could see the shenanigans. I nodded and smiled at him to let him know I am ok. So feeling loved and respected by many people there, in spite of the evil psychopaths who love to harass me.

18 November 2016

My hand is hurting where Bobo bit me. I have taken 3 antibiotics. I hope it is not turning septic so quickly. I don't fancy another stint in hospital on IV antibiotics. That shit was sooo painful last time. It hurt worse than the bite.

Julie Goddard: get some hydrogen peroxide and clean it with it

Me: It's clean Julie but hurting internally and there is a red spot on other side as he nearly pierced through. Hopefully the antibiotics will stop it from going septic.

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18 November 2015

I found an old mosquito net. So I draped it over the hammock and am lying here, enjoying the night music and the cooler air.

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I have been a busy woman today. I washed that humungous mattress topper. I didn't know how to rinse it efficiently so with great difficulty I got it on the line and hosed it with my gurney. It is not very strong but did the job.

Then I washed down half of the back cement wall. Until my arms got tired. The water pressure gurney thing is not strong enough but I got a lot of lichen and mould off. The plan is to paint it a funky bright colour!

I put together Crystal's frame and hammock. I had a little lie in it. I ate toast and hummus. Then hit the ground running, watering the garden (heatwave here) and trimmed back the dwarf papyrus. I tied the wire mesh onto the fence so my darling Alcide can't escape the garden.

I did lots of washing. I cleared out the laundry. Too much clutter! Still lots to do but with Crystal's stuff as well as mine there is not much room.

I got a lovely surprise to discover a big gardenia bloom. A schehecheyanu! First flower of the season!

I played music on Spotify all day. It felt nice to have music and happiness and a day of busyness.

Rosco and Jacqui mowed the grass yesterday. Everything looked neat and tidy. The house is slowly getting into order.

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4 more sleeps...until Pupparazzi time! Alcide is coming! (Everyone look busy!) No, it will be typical Pomeranian..look at me, look at me, oh look a kitty. 4 kitties.

18 November 2014

2.31pm I woke up an hour ago, thinking it was very windy, like blowing a gale outside. I got out to observe it had been raining (yayy!) but barely any wind.

My blasting fan is so noisy it sounds like I am on a ship's top deck sailing into a tempest and possibly a maelstrom as well!

No wonder I have weird dreams!

I dreamt of a beachscape in NZ. Might have been north of Wellington, the place everyone retires...buggar, can't think of the name, but beautiful beaches. We went there a lot when I was small, for daytrips.

The colours of the sea were beautiful. I dreamt I had a house there and was this little old lady dragging around a horse by the reins, exactly as I used to do with Asfaloth when I was a teenager. The horse wasn't Asfa though, it was white.

Before that, I had been trying on a dress, singing "Strangers in the night". The dress was see-through and I told myself I would have to wear it with a slip under but tried it on, while singing.

Then as I sang to myself, I looked out at the house next door and my neighbour was sitting, watching me. Buggar! Off went the light. Then I fussed over locking the back door of the house.

Next thing all these young women burst in, by another door, bringing Jasmine to see me. I said "I knew you were coming, that there was trouble, which is why I locked the door but I forgot the side door."

Jasmine barely looked me in the eye, but her friends begged me to give her refuge for the night, some of them stayed as well.

In the nature of dreams, this all seemed perfectly normal! I was even telling the women, that I was psychic and they all nodded, of course. WTF???

Meanwhile yesterday, while I was polishing the black metal bed in my garden with WD40, I heard the german word "Verlobung". I thought, What? That means Engagement, I think?

So hours later when Crystal and I were having Jackpot Noodles at West End, I googled it. Yup. Definitely means Engagement.

Now I am curious as to who is getting married as none of us Arons Women even have a boyfriend. Hell, I can't even get a Date! Lmao!

The other nutty thing was a friend was giving away some stuff. She had these awesome cloth nappies that you don't need to pin up, already made like disposables. I said " I will have those, please". I don't have grandchildren. I just knew they had to be had, and put away for a while.

So Um... Clucky horny non-german speaker Mama is channelling german and stock-piling nappies. This shit better be Gooood!

Update 28 Nov 2021: HahahHahaha neither the engagement or the grandmother manifested. Psy sighs.

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I just had a native bee come and hover a foot in front of my face. It had yellow stripes on its body. It is saying "thank you" for the sugar-water I leave out for them as they all get exhausted while gathering pollen.

So sweet!

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This arvo I attempted puttying my old window frame. I broke the glass in three places but I kept going anyway. I will probably have to buy some green glass to replace it but I wanted to keep stuffing putty in until I got better at it.

Hours later....ummm.... Let me just say I will never be a Glazier and basicly I am useless at most things... Except breathing...although come to think of it that is getting more and more difficult.

I practised Deep Breathing while puttying as stress relief and guess what? It hurts to hold my breath. Not much lung capacity left. So I better not hold my breath for anything spectacular to happen in my life as I just might Dieeee!

Meh!

What I lack in any real skills or talent...I make up for in stamina....I better keep dancing. It stops me from trying to achieve random shit around the house!

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Socks has been acting weird all day. Tonight I heard a weird yowl, the sound a cat makes when he wants to show off. This is his gift from Sacred Space. A motherfucking rat! Ewww! I am so proud of him though.

Jack Daniels and home-made guacamole with Toast, and a dead rat. Lol! I will bury it tomorrow.

Ummm…so I hung out the washing and ewww!!! Accidentally stepped on the dead rat! Ewww! Eww ewww! Thanks Socks, for the gift that keeps giving. (Socks smirks like a smug disappearing murderous Cheshire Cat!)

18 November 2013

Gosh I must have been tired. woke up at 6.30 pm. I was trying to work out why the hens were on their perch ready for bed lmao.

My lungs are still not great but I am well-rested that's for sure. I went to sleep at 5 am.

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My Beautiful Daughter Crystal took my friend Jarrod and I out for Jackpot Noodles at West End. It was delicious. I had slept all day so was hungry enough to go on a rampage and kill and eat several Horses lol.

Now we are back at her place, playing with my Rabbit Grandson Ramon and Jarrod and Crystal are reading Tarot.

Awesome night. Happy Mother here!

I had a text from Jasmine yesterday, saying she might visit me soon. That's Nice!

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Friday Night. Gail and I went to see The Good Ship play their show "The Seven Seas" which was beautiful and Brechtian and the music was wonderful. A banjo, cello, violin, drums, electric guitar, saxophone, tambourine, keyboard and wonderful singing and acting/narration.

Then from there I went dancing at Irish murphies. Ramjet was playing.

Saturday night I was back at pub moshing/rocking out with Berst. Sunday evening I was at The Joynt dancing and grooving with The Hipshooters who were awesome as usual.

I have had the Best Weekend, with great music and meeting wonderful arty Bohemian people.

Really happy. I will need all week to recover but it has been fantastic.

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12.55 am. Just cooked a yummy stir fry. Omg! I should cook more often. I am pretty lucky I don't have to, often.

18 November 2011

Just got home from seeing Crystal's varied characters in The Producers! The show is fantastic and I urge everyone to go see it for last 4 nights. The acting, singing and dancing are superb and the show is hilarious. I gave a standing ovation and had the best time!

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I spent the entire day in the garden, fertilizing my piece of Paradise! Really tired now. I used all the compost, horse poo and wornwee!

18 November 2010

I'm home from my evening at the karaoke night at Manly Hotel. I had a great time. Everyone was chilled, (ie relaxed), enjoyed the singing, and some had surprisingly good voices. There was a lovely assortment of age-groups and some good sorts too.

I enjoyed it so much I might go there again.

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Upset news today... my magical 20 year old MAZDA CAR I call "The Beast" (cos it's got a lot of grunt and refuses to die) is off the road again. This time it's the Steering Rack. According to mechanic if it breaks completely I will be a passenger in my own car and is very dangerous. Now I have to find another $300. It's just not happening in a far out way!

18 November 2009

Another day in Paradise...waiting for some more rain. Pregnant grey clouds but they are holding off. At least it was cooler today and I managed to have a scratch around in my garden.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons