Memories: 11 January 2023

11 January 2024

Today I heal. Barely any sleep (gahhh!) but hitting the ground, running. Off to my urologist this morning. Hopefully we begin treatment.

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Not much sleep with my anxiety. But I am here. Having a quick coffee at The Coffee Club before my appointment. The service is excellent. I feel positively fussed over. It’s a rainy day but the atmosphere is light and joyous.

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I have been given a script for a drug that has a few side effects (dry mouth and constipation) but hopefully will calm my bladder. I chose the cheaper option as the better drug is $60 a month. See how I go with this one and if it doesn’t work I will have to trial the more expensive drug. She also advised me to not drink after 6 or 7 pm. Just rinse my mouth if thirsty.

My urologist made a referral for the public system at the Mater but it may take a year so I will continue to see her privately until that arises.

Once I am in the public system they can then offer me Botox in the bladder with a 5 per cent risk of urine retention which outcome would mean I would require cathetisation daily. (I would have to do this myself!) She told me although it’s unpleasant most of her patients that end up with that find it a relief as they are no longer struggling with urgency all day and night.

So umm….utterly terrifying but that is the worst case scenario and most patients respond well to the Botox. The Botox is administered under anaesthetic and generally lasts about 9 months or between 6-12 months. So potentially yearly.

I have another appointment to see her on 13th March. The next available appt was 6 March but I told her that is my arsehole dead father’s birthday that day so I will not be in a good headspace to see anyone on that day. We both laughed. I told her I bet you don’t get too many patients with so many triggers like that.

But it is what it is. I will keep fighting for my continued survival to Thrival on this planet. May there be longer continuance and a bladder that is retrained so I can sleep and achieve great things. (Or even small things…or just bloody well maintain equilibrium.)

I am now on the bus home. Grateful to my doctors and to the gods and to my own stubborn treatment resistant body but I will try to heal this medical problem with determination, stoicism and my usual wry humour.

Update: I thought it over and decided to ring back and ask for a script for the more expensive medication which has less side effects. It will cost more but might be gentler on my body. I need to be gentle with myself. They will post it out to me.

I feel wrung out from trying to make the right health decisions. Like my mind is just spinning on a dime.

11 January 2023

https://youtu.be/cr_No-4Y9j4

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Cardinal George Pell is dead. My heart goes out to his survivors today. No justice. But it’s over now.

11 January 2022

11:11 am. I keep seeing 11s in recent days. This means another shift is occurring. For me personally, and the planet. Be ready for anything. The angels are demanding we notice all synchronicities. Is it good…is it bad? It just…IS.

Stay beautiful, stay fierce, stay in love with Life and each other. Hold your ground. Hold the line. Smile.

The universe is wayyy wayyy bigger than our government psychopaths, bigger than Covid in all its variants…bigger than all of human foibles and inequities and frailties. Bigger that the evil ones. Big big big. Magnificent.

Trust in that! 🙂 as above so below, as within so without. Know thyself and step into your body autonomy and your power.

11 January 2021

9:01 am I had very little sleep but woke up at 7:49 am. Dragged myself out of bed, stripped the bed linen off, started washing. I have had breakfast and am sitting under the frangipane trees and observed with delight the arrival of the King parrot who casually sailed above my head en route to his favourite tree in the garden.

He landed above it on the bough of the golden rain tree then glided immediately to the jade tree. I took two photos of him on both trees.

He was happily perched there when The Beau decided to chase him away. I chastised Beau. I said “aww Bobo I like that bird!” But it’s okay. My King will come back...he always comes back.

I am trying to figure out where his Queen is? He has not been with her the last two visitations. Perhaps she is sitting on their nest?

He’s a spectacular bird. Before The Beau chased him away he was looking back at us as Charley was twittering away on the wooden table beside me. I think the King Parrot is fascinated with this human and her bird and even her pesky dog!

I am so tired yet somehow energised. I am thinking that I might continue with painting folk art flowers on a small bookcase or shelving unit I started many months ago.

I had painted it black and used it as a display for my witchy herbs but decided it was too small so I put it in the bedroom then got sidetracked with sanding back the marble tabletops and then the decoupage projects.

But I really think it’s time I finished it. (I also have to sand back the pink marble table as I made a mess of the resin on that one so need to do it again...argghhh!). Both those items are in the spare bedroom.

As it’s a lovely sunny day I put the last of the paper pulp I made a few days ago out in the sun to dry completely. So that will be another task completed.

I am slowly chipping away at things (even with my bad back and crazy verkachte menopause!)

11 January 2020

This evening I had a reminder that I need to invest in myself more. I will need to honour my instincts and impulses more. When I let myself down it’s like stomping on my own foot. Gahhh.

11 January 2019

I spent the day spring cleaning my boudoir. Windows, and rather laboriously washing down the wooden blinds encrusted with dust and grime took hours.

I am washing my mattress protector and 2 pillows so will probably have to sleep in my spare room tonight as they won’t be dry in time to remake the bed. I washed all the ornaments and shadow box knick knacks too. Washed my four poster with lime/mandarin vinegar to get rid of dust and took down the curtains and the Rajasthani thing that hangs over my bed and washed them.

I still have the floors to vacuum and mop but am quite exhausted from the spring cleaning (of just one room!)

It smells lovely in there as I also put the sweet orange essential oil my neighbours gave me in the diffuser. Also it feels good knowing I have cleaned almost everything.

Maybe some of the spiritual attacks will ease off now my personal space is purified.

Cleanliness really is next to godliness!

At least it’s raining at last. Soothing to the meridians.

11 January 2018

Schvitsing hot day. I just took a shower. Now wet from fresh water instead of my own sweat. Time to go back to the beach I think. I hope the humidity is broken by a nice storm but not sure if any are predicted.

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Yesterday I finally cracked open my new yoga mat and took it outside on the grass and watched a few Beginners Yoga videos. I did not have the core strength to hold the downward dog position for very long and got the giggles at my overly huge Hobbit feet and my large belly getting in the way of everything.

The yogi was a lithe fit woman in perfect proportion. No amount of yoga can fix my oddly shaped body but I will be lithe too. In time I will tone that flabby gut and although my clod-hopping feet will always look odd I won’t care as I will be just beautiful the way I am.

All I gotta do is commit to doing yoga every day. Yeah I know. Cccccommitment phobe. But dancing has done me well and so will yoga. I feel so integrated already.

Charlie managed to poop all over my mat in the 30 minutes I was using it. Gaia froze towards the end of the third video so I had to give it up, wash the mat and just roll with the disappointment.

Bobo was fascinated by Mama’s downward dog so he brought a bone to chew right next to me. Hard to focus with fur children and feathery poop slingers. But I did it!

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11.1.2018 (11). Gonna be a spiritual day. Enjoy!

11 January 2017

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Today I threw my mother's rug on the compost. Decluttering continues.

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Not well. Antibiotic-related diarrhoea, nausea, few hives, mild temperature. Apparently this is common even up to 2 months after finishing a course of antibiotics. I finished the strong antibiotics last Wednesday, a week ago. Been crook with tummy issues since Sunday. I will have to buy Inner Health plus (probiotics) from the chemist and if no better go to the hospital.

On top of this the dry socket is still not healed properly. I can't bear another course of antibiotics as this has really made me sick. So more rest, probiotics and taking care of myself.

Karen brought a chicken, salads, chocolate cake, Jack Daniels and ingredients for a potato bake. She is staying here with me tonight.

We have had a lovely dinner, and spent the night watching Heartland. It is lovely to have her company.

Yesterday I had Jarrod and Harvey's company as well. I am happy and grateful for my beautiful friends, human and animal.

Louise Winton: Tanya that's so awful for you I hope you're feeling better soon, I am glad Karen and Jarrod have been with you XXXXX

Me: Thanks Louise x

Julie Goddard: Antibiotics wont heal a dry socket , I have never had antibiotics for that , all they did was pack it and it was fine , hope you feel better soon Tanya

Me: Dentist gave them to me as he said the bacteria causes the pain in the bone.

Really strong ones. But now I am crook anyway FML. Soldiering on as per usual.

11 January 2015

4.23 am. Still awake. Grrr! Lana rang me at 1 am. Kept me talking til 2ish. I only had 5 hours sleep on Sat night/morning. I was sure I would be in a deep sleep tonight. No dice.

Utterly exhausted. Sore skin on back from heat rash, sore muscles from dancing, reflux, sleep-deprived. Wtf?

At least my mood is better. Yesterday was stressful with Tayhlia, Gail, Christina. I need a holiday. Might as well read a book as I won't sleep now.

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Last night was wild, romantic, passionate, fun, amazing, surprising and mind blowing.

Amidst all the crazy intense male attention, one of my most persistent suitors whom I have fended off for over 2 years, revealed his true intentions. I was totally taken by surprise!

After we finished dancing, we had a drink and sat a short while. Then headed outside. We shared and smoked one of my Wee Willem cigars while I took off my shoes and stockings. We walked the streets, laughing and joking with each other.

At one point he said "Jump up". So he braced himself and I ran the 8 feet and leapt up into his arms wrapping my legs around his waist. It was ridiculous and fun. (I am much heavier than he and I half expected him to drop to the ground with my excess weight. He didn't!)

I have never done that with any of my partners in my entire life. It was like being a teenager, both of us kidding around and feeling free.

It was just what I needed after being besotted with Dave, who is as cold and ambivalent as the grave.

Hard to contemplate that I had been missing out on so much fun with a man who is Fire and Warmth and Excitement, like me.

A balm for a pained aching soul and a pleasure of the heart, mind and body.

Psy sighs. I wonder if this was just a brief interlude of mutual insanity or if there is more to aspire to?

Que Sera Sera!

11 January 2014

Am home for a while. Going back to Sarah's tonight from 5-9ish then gonna go out to Irish Murphy's for the night. Need a blow-out of dancing!

Although my back is sore so might not be able to leap about too much.

11 January 2012

Lyn took me shopping today and back to her house for a lovely swim in her pool! Woohoo! Tonight I am going to Southbank with Crystal and Jarrod for a picnic and another swim!

Copyright: Tanya Désirée Arons