Love Is Part lV

I’ve been told on countless occasions that, because I’m a black woman, I would never be able to understand what it’s like to be a black man. That I could never relate to the struggles black men face daily in love, family structures, society and the breaking of generational curses overall. I’ve been told that I cannot understand how a black man thinks or feels. That I would never know what it takes to assist and guide a black man to heal. Perhaps there’s truth to these statements. Then again. . . perhaps that isn’t the fullest truth.

I have 3 brothers and I was pretty much raised by my Father during the important and pivotal phases of my life. My Mother was a working woman and was hardly ever home. I was surrounded by masculine energy. My dad has a brilliant mind. Most intelligent man I know. Yet he was unhealed and not at ease with the man he was as well as the man he was becoming. He lacked communication skills and wasn’t capable of expressing, teaching or showing love with words and kindness.

At an early age I had to become physically strong, mentally indestructible and emotionally detached.

The Revolutionary Warrior

I’ve spent a large portion of my life trying to understand my father, brothers, male lovers and friends. Comparing what I go through as a woman to what they may experience throughout their time as men. Reflections. The wound is where the light enters. It’s true that I am not a black man. So as I write this story, I can only speak from my very own experience as a black woman who has been fighting to re-learn what it means to love, hold space and cherish the black kings. Family , lovers and friends. I pray that as you read this tale … your heart expands.

I believe in Empires and Kingdoms. Now more than ever, considering the state of the world.

When I sit and analyze the components of an empire, the foundation is as clear as day. A King and a Queen run the show by knowing and understanding their roles as individuals in order to create a level of structure and flow within the kingdom. The King needs the Queen. The Queen needs the King. Oneness. Women and Men both go through similar experiences in life, it just looks different. Oneness is what I am seeking. Oneness with my brothers. Oneness with the men I love overall.

THE VICTORIOUS POWERHOUSE

Gary G. Taylor Jr. , owner of Powerhouse Fitness in Kansas City, Missouri .

A King. A soldier. A leader , protector and a teacher. A legend. He was my sensei and my hero in every sense of the word.

The first thing I noticed about G was that he had a remarkable smile and a laugh that was most definitely contagious. The kind of laugh that makes you want to laugh also! His voice was soulful. It was easy to hear his struggle, his wisdom and his life’s experience by the depth and soul of his tone.

He made me run laps, jump rope sets, sets of lunges, squats, weights and push ups on my first day training with him. By the end of the work out, my legs felt like jello and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do it every day, every week, every month. I hated being up so early and I disliked being watched by other people who had more experience than me. I was such an amateur! Still I got up 4 times a week and put in work. I discovered that working out is only 20% fitness and 80% mental strength.

I had to strengthen my mind if I wanted my body to follow suit. I was happier after a workout. My skin began to glow more. I slept better. I began to eat lighter meals. My libido was heightened. I was stronger than ever before . My massage career expanded because I had more strength, stamina and overall motivation to pour into my clients simply because I was feeling good. I was even more elated when I noticed that my arms were getting muscular, my abs were coming through and every muscle of mine became more defined . Gary was teaching me how to turn my body into a weapon through workouts while teaching me how to become mentally strong through real life lessons. Motivation kicked in from seeing my body go through changes with consistency and faith in myself.

I loved that he read books and encouraged his people to read. He was intelligent and all about black empowerment, black culture and black growth.

He loved his kids. He loved everyone’s kids. That’s what I loved most about him. His belief that the children are our future and that it’s up to us to fight hard for freedom and generate wealth for our youth. He understood that without them, the future doesn’t exist. This planted a seed in my mind and heart to strive for more and build/create/plan for the little ones so that their path is more seamless than ours. I learned the importance of dealing them a better deck than society is willing to offer them. He spoke heavily on his struggles about being a black man in a white society. There aren’t many men in Kansas City speaking life into the people and striving for freedom by leading the way.

We both had strong opinions and were always willing to go neck to neck fighting for our beliefs in preparation to prove who was right and who was wrong. I never listened long enough to truly understand his perspectives when in the midst of a heated debate and I don’t feel like he was ever willing to budge on his perspective long enough to hear me out. We were constant reflections of the biggest issue between men and women. Women want to know what men feel. Men want to know what women think. A woman has to be silent enough for a man to feel safe to be vulnerable to share how he feels and a woman must feel safe entirely enough to share what she thinks with a man without feeling like her thoughts will overwhelm him. How is it possible to meet in the middle to understand ?

I admired Gary. I was watching him make all of his dreams come true . I wanted to learn how to be impactful in my community. How to inspire and empower the people majorly. I wanted to learn how to expand my business. I wanted to learn how to be as determined and as disciplined as he was. I wanted to achieve the level of physical and mental strength he was able to attain throughout his life’s experience . I wanted to know everything he knew.

I prayed for his health. I prayed for the longevity of Powerhouse . I prayed for his family. I prayed for his peace of mind and I prayed for his soul. I prayed that god would keep people of love close to him at all times.

What I learned from G was that men need to be heard. Women spend so much time talking and challenging men instead of holding space for them to just be. They’re already at war with bitter black women, evil white cops, envious black counterparts, and a corrupt system that’s structured to destroy them. Black men are at war everyday they set foot outside of their homes. A black woman is supposed to create a peaceful sanctuary for a man to lay his head and his burdens down. They need shoulders to cry on and ears to hear what they are going through. Loyalty is everything to a man. Too often they are betrayed. Like all kings, they need their army by their side so they can rise to the occasion and do gods work. Men need safe spaces. They feel . Their feelings are valid. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Often times less is more. Touch is so important. Hugging, holding, caressing and loving on our black men is key to their heart expansions. Black men need to hug each other more. Black mothers need to kiss and hold their boys more. They may not always have the words. It may not always be necessary to use ours. Patience is key. Love always wins when it is given freely.

The last few times I seen G was at two shindigs which is funny because I never go out. I’m not a party girl but Gary was always on the scene. I went to Club Proof on April 11th and I was so out of my element. I stayed for about 49 minutes and as I was leaving , he was entering. I could feel that he had entered the building before I even seen him. He lit up the whole room! Gary just had a way about him. A lit soul. People were pushing through the crowd to see him and hug him . He was so cool with his white and blue on. I was making my way out the door, with my white and red on.

I wish I had hugged him.

I was invited to a 3 level party on April , 24th inside of the Lincoln building on 18th and vine. I didn’t even physically feel present. Perhaps it was the cheap liquor in my system but it was a vibe I just couldn’t shake. He had just jump started his security company and he had the entire building secured. I was so proud . Gary the protector. He made us all feel safe. Naturally. I was happy that he was happy. He said he was going to do it and he did it , effortlessly. My friend had a little too much to drink and I had to walk her to her vehicle. On my way out I looked to my left and it was Gary. All black with a blue hat . I had on all black with my red hair. My last words to him were “Wassup G” as I walked out expeditiously.

I wish I hugged him.

I didn’t know that was the last time I’d ever see him.

I got a late night text the next night saying “Are you up? I know that’s hella random. Gary got shot.” My hand immediately reached for my heart and I logged on to my Facebook and seen post after post. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I couldn’t believe the words I was reading. I held on to my chest and felt like my very own heart would stop beating. My body was numb. It didn’t feel real. Gary was invincible. Unstoppable. A superhero who wore hoodies and sweats instead of a cape. A man with a gun was no match for a man who’s heart was as mighty as a lion and as vibrant as the sun. No god of mine would take away a soul so pure, so soon. I couldn’t breathe. I got on the floor by the couch, dropped to my knees and prayed. I knew it was true. I couldn’t feel his spirit .

For months, the pain I felt was crippling and every second grief and sorrow filled my body I had to remember the strength Gary had was now apart of me. That every lesson I learned was meant to be shared and put into work. That every thing this man embodied didn’t dissipate with his flesh. His essence , his courage, his bravery, his LOVE, his compassion, dedication, ambition, his leadership, his child-like glee, his beauty, his magnificence , his glory lives through me and everyone in Kansas City. True legends never die. They take on new form . Gary Taylor changed my life, and showed me how to love black men again. Showed me how to love myself. Showed me how to follow god because gods way is the perfect way. Showed me all the ways I needed to heal myself so I can heal my communities. It has taken me 8 months and 7 days to have the strength to share my story.

Gary. You have given me the courage to live my life to the fullest. I’ve discovered that when we lose our loved ones , it’s not even about death . It’s about life. You’ve taught me the value of my very own life and my very own soul. That it’s up to me to know my purpose and what I was sent here to do and honor who I am destined to become. It is because of you, we all have an opportunity to live more and love more. I salute you King. You will never be forgotten. As long as there is air in my lungs and an active heart beat in my chest, I vow that I will sing about you , write about you, create art in honor of you. I will tell my kids about you and build community centers in honor of you. Kansas city is yours. You showed us the way. Gave it your all and never looked back. Powerhouse Fitness forever. Screaming GT till the death of me.

🎶Alexa , play Lullabies - Yuna 🎶

“Wassup G, You are truly one of a kind. You helped to soften my wounded heart while strengthening my mind. There will never be another you. Your smile, your stoicism and your ability to push through, is a constant reminder that the only way out is through. You carried the city on your back and never asked for a hand out or assistance. Stuck to your goals and fought for your dreams through every trial, tribulation and resistance. We don’t know how you did it. Just knew that if you said you were going to …you fucking meant it. Look at the empire you built G. From the ground up, straight out the mud. Teaching young men to go even harder when push comes to shove . Because it will. And it does. What a sight to see who you were while anticipating the emergence of the man you’d soon become. You showed our community how to heal. Through truth, mercy and love. My passion for you is everlasting and until the day I die they’ll ask me why. Every time my eyes will fill with tears as I silently cry. I love you. Not for what you could do for me, how I could benefit from you or who you was. Gary Gene Taylor . . . I loved you just because . As I look up in the sky I see you , my guiding light. You will always shine. Divinely Divine. Gary G, you’re the truth. Forever one of a kind. ”

-Trashae Bradley 12-31-2021 6:16 AM

🏁The Marathon continues … 🏁

“It was May 2020 when I had the pleasure of meeting one of the most extraordinary men ever : Gary GT Taylor, that would ultimately change the way I envisioned myself and food. The day I walked into the PowerHouse gym at 6 am was probably one of the hardest things that I had ever done. I asked him if anyone ever vomited while doing his workout because everything that was inside my system was clearly about to come out ! I'm sure G was thinking that I was just making a joke but I was so serious 🤢🤮nothing could have prepared me for the journey that I was about to embark upon , but Gary definitely made the transition seamless with 6 simple words "The first day is the hardest.” Nothing else mattered after that because I had already taken the first step into self improvement. Thank you G for being a pillar for this community. Thank you for all the motivation and encouragement. You are missed dearly. Love you G.”

- Yolanda Bradley 12-26-2021 7:08 PM

“To Gary,

When I was first asked to write about you I didn’t think I could. I didn’t think I had the words or the ability to articulate anything that would fully express who you were. Writing now I’m still not sure I can but I do support the idea of keeping your memory alive. For five years, 4 1 hour sessions most weeks turned into the most impactful relationship I’ve had so far in my almost 40 years of life. We spoke about everything and anything and nothing was off limits. Even in our most heated debates there was an understanding and respect for one another that the arguments would end with a greater insight into one another. I enjoyed as much as I needed our sessions; the workout for my physical health and the conversions for my mental health, it was somewhat cathartic. Being the introvert that I am, and you always so open and eager to listen allowed me to open up during our sessions. I’d tell you all my ideas & thoughts. We would talk concepts and creation. You knew me. You would always jokingly tell me how you wanted to be like me when you grew up but I admired the man you were, I knew the success that was coming your way and was so excited to see your growth. Your passion to help others, the love for your family and community was unreal. I wanted you to win almost as much as you did. I’m sorry your light was cut off before everyone could see how bright you were. I lost more than my friend when you were taken from us and I’m still not ok. I know that your impact will live on in all those who knew you, that allows for some comfort. I miss you and I tried, I hope you would approve. #TheMarathonContinues

P.s. I know you see I’m working out with Ava now, you would approve of all the dumb shit she makes me do. Just like you!”

- Kori Gordon 12-27-2021 10:36 PM

“Hey G,

I really just wanna say thank you. Thank you for living in your souls purpose before departing. Thank you for standing in your truth despite the envy and greed of others. Thank you for staying true to your craft and leading others. You were an undercover healer in need of deep healing. People saw you, but not enough.

Thank you for connecting me to a leader I’d soon consider my friend. For bringing us closer so that deep healing and self reflection could happen. When I need strength I call upon you. Thank you for guiding me in the afterlife and for becoming my friend 🙏🏾

Thank you for showing me you’re present by showing your initials on license plates, or on random signs wherever I go. People underestimate the power of love and LIFE. Forgetting that, although someone is ‘gone’ in the physical, they’re forever alive in the afterlife. If anything, the most alive. May your legacy be continued on by people who really loved you. Not for what you had or where you could take them, but for the person you ARE. The light that you hold and the adoration and mission you had for the kids. I know it’ll be seen through in divine timing, always.

Continue to lead the way in the metaphysical , bringing peace and love to the hearts of those missing you in the physical realm. Such a mighty man. I love you G 💙🌹💙🏁”

-Laisia Rachelle 12-28-2021 5:48 AM

“Gary,

Omg I remember young GT working at prairie life fitness in Olathe. You let me pay under the table lol . We were rocking for a min & I brought all my friends to you. You kept saying you were going to have your own gym, and me not always seeing the vision, I just said ok see you next time. If you were working that door at Sol Cantina you would let me and the crew in , it would always be during one of my falling off periods. So I was sure to hear “Aye Toyiah where you been?” Upon leaving, “Aye Toyiah, so I’m going to see you this week?” “Yes Gary.” I’d respond.

Most times I did just that . I would pick back up! Fall off , pick back up, fall off then pick right back up. Then one day I looked up Power House Fitness ! You had your own gym ! As you said , it may not be pretty but it’s mine! You did that ! I don’t even think I told you how proud I was that you did exactly what you said you would do. Too busy rolling my eyes at whatever set you were instructing me to do that day .

I was always so proud of you for having your own mind and not ever caring what anyone else had to say. But what you said was true, your gym wasn’t pretty , it was indeed beautiful! What’s that saying ? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder . You beheld so many beautiful things inside and out! Your gym beheld so many beautiful souls that you had no idea you were inspiring . I mean you were a little annoying. Harlem shaking in the mirror next to me while I did 50 squats or 2 stepping while I ran laps. Lol like who does that ?

I would still fall off then hit you up randomly like “G I’m ready to come back.” You’d be like “T baby let’s go! See you next week.” This last time was different though, it was just different. You reached out, “T where you been ? You need to get back in here.”

“I’m coming G , I’m coming.”

Weeks go by and you’d hit me up again asking where I was at . Like always I told you I was coming , I promised. We did this for about 3 weeks . I finally sent you my payment on April 24th.

“Ok for real G , payment sent and I’ll see you Monday Morning.”

“ Aight Bet ! ” Was your response .

You texted me late Sunday night and said you’ll see me in the morning. I said “Yes Sir, see you tomorrow at 5:30 AM .”

Monday, April 26th , I woke up to get dressed . I was ready . Walking out the door and I click on Facebook and the first thing I see is a post Simeon had made with a picture of you. I stopped in my tracks before I even read it because I seen that little crying emoji at the bottom of the post. April 26th, I can say was the worst day of 2021. I was literally about to be on my way to you just to find out I would never see you again on this side. You had been telling me to come for weeks and I blew it off and now I would never get the opportunity again! I just knew I would always have time and now there was no more time . Life is so unfair! Your kids , your community , we still needed you here ! To say we are hurt and to say that you are missed is an understatement. I see you though at least once a week at the gym when I look in the mirror . You have on a wife beater and blue shorts . Sometimes you have on your Powerhouse hoodie and when I’m right on that verge of giving up I hear you clear as day “Come on Toyiah , let’s go!” I still see your eyes and your smile and I get it done ! You were hope. You were strength. You were love! Rest in Love . Rest In Peace. Rest in Power👑”

-LaToyiah Morrow 12-28-2021 10:05 PM

“Gary was so much more than a trainer even though that is how we originally met. He had a smile that would brighten up any room or a person’s mood.

I remember when he decided to open up Powerhouse in the old Ballys. I had trained with him that morning and stayed to help his kickoff event. His energy and excitement just filled the room. I was so proud because he was so proud. He was living out his dream!

Gary always wanted to get to know you on a personal level and really connect. He used that connection as a motivation tool with his clients.

There are so many memories and stories over the years of me working with Gary that I could tell. I will end on the last time I saw Gary which was a few days before he was called home to the Lord. We hadn’t seen each other in a while and we just laughed and caught up for a little bit. I remember this sense of wanting to stay and catch up longer, but I had another place to be. I told him I would catch up with him later. Well that later never came in the physical sense. But I am thankful that I have that memory of his smile and laughter brighten up my mood. Rest well King, your legacy and dreams will forever continue through those that you left a lasting impact on.”

-Javonne Patterson 12-28-2021 10:26 PM

“To one of the most selfless beings. Your kindness broke barriers. Your non-judgement made me always feel so comfortable, and your love of your city could move mountains. We knew each other for over 10 years and I was one of your first clients when you decided to make fitness your passion. I can only thank you for the many times you pushed me when I thought I couldn’t go the distance. You saved my life in a time when I needed a role model, and a strong vessel. I will miss you calling me little man and always being there when I needed to get back in shape. You always had a message for me, and even though we joked about our ages, you always showed me the wisdom you had learned, and how much wiser you were than me. You will forever be missed, but I thank God for the times we shared. Your legacy will go on forever. You are loved.”

~Leland Boyd 12-29-2021 6:21 AM

“G was the type of person that was always the light in the room. Always had people laughing and at the same time kept everything 100% authentic. He would give me so much game that no man taught me growing up and I’m forever grateful for that. He gave me and many others an outlet when it came to fitness and helped me believe that I can run my own business.

I knew every time we linked to lift it was going to be epic. He wouldn’t back down and neither would I. He’s the reason why lifting weights became fun for me because the battles we had over the years.

He deserves credit for a lot of my collegiate football success. He put me through some crazy ass workouts but it pushed me to a level I didn’t know I could reach. Every off season he would push me to be great and would always let me know that I was. He’ll forever be be apart of those championships and accolades in my eyes. I just want to say thank you. Thank you for always being the big bro I never had. Thank you for believing in me more than I believed in myself at times. Thank you for the knowledge. Thank you for respecting the person that I am. Thank you for being you no matter what.

Forever Thankful. One love big bro.”

-Marcus Wright 12-29-2021 12:42 PM

“GT’s impact on my life was more than he knew. He taught me that fitness was a key to life. He would push me to my breaking point at Powerhouse while he would be chilling listening to Nipsey Hussle. His passion for people was unmatched and I am happy I was able to be part of the Powerhouse family.”

-Jerry McNeal 12-29-2021 6:11 PM

“Dear G,

I’m so happy I was introduced to you. I have only known you a little over a year, but I was with you 4 days a week so it felt like soooo much longer. Within that time, I learned a lot from you. Thank You. Thank you for showing me that I can. Thank you for helping with changing my mindset. Thank you for making me wiser. I appreciate you so much! Everything was always genuine with you. You kept it 100 from day one! I’m so grateful to experience life with you while you were here! The legacy you created is amazing. You were helping everyone around you. You were definitely an inspiration to me and you still are . I appreciate the game you put me on for my business as well. Dedication was the biggest lesson! I’m so sad you had to leave us. This journey has been hard without you, but I know you would want me to do better so I’m bouta get my shit together lol. I love you, I’m grateful for you, and I’ll see you in the next life. 💗”

-Kiana McConnell 12-30-2021 9:03 AM

Author : Trashae Bradley

Photographers : Jarrod Peterson Mark Styles