Life After College “Sh*t No One Tells You”

Congratulations class of 20.. You are now a college graduate. All your life you couldn’t wait for this moment to be out in the “real” world. You waited so long for this moment rushing through every minute waiting for that time where you can say YES! I’m a college graduate. No more school, no more homework, no more tests, no more quizzes, no more teachers, and the list goes on. You took off the cap and gown, you celebrated this momentous occasion and now you’re on your way to the beginning of a new life, a fresh start! you are now on your way to doing what I like to call “adulting.”

Now the real challenge begins!

Finding a Job

Some are lucky enough to come out of college with a career, for a good majority that’s not necessarily the case. So now you begin the job hunt but there’s one slight obstacle most will encounter. “3-5 years of experience is required for this position.” Now you’re thinking how in the world am I going to get 3-5 years of experience when I was in school for 3-5 years prior to this moment…

Bills

“With great power comes great responsibility.” In this case, it's “With adulting comes great bills.” If you made the crazy decision to move out on your own or make a large purchase as soon as you graduate, welcome to the great world of bills. Credit card bills, car insurance bill, health insurance bill, every kind of bill. The costliest bill is the bill that comes from every college graduates’ girlfriend. You know that girlfriend that’s always calling you, asking you for something, always looking for you like you owe her your life or something. That girl everyone knows her name is Sallie Mae, she’s the sweet lady that helped you through college even gave you a little something extra to possibly go on spring break with. Well now she’s back and she wants her money back. She really doesn’t care how you get it, just as long as you get it something like a pimp some would say.

9-5

Congratulations you finally landed a 9-5, isn’t it great? Up before the sun and out before night time? Oh by the way how do you like your new sleep schedule you are slowly adapting too so you don’t have to rely on caffeine? I call it the “senior citizen sleep schedule.” You’re asleep by 9pm and up by 6am. And certain times you’ll catch yourself asleep in front of the television by 8 while trying to catch up on your shows. And some days your weekends consist of falling asleep while watching Netflix. When you finally do wake up Netflix is asking you, “Are you still there?” and you wonder to yourself, “Am I?”

Why am I broke?!

You got a job, you're making almost $50,000 a year which is eh it’s not a lot but its something. You get that bi-weekly check, looks nice doesn’t it? Until every bill and tax deduction known to man hits. And suddenly you regret going to Starbucks the day before or regretting the fact that you got a large sandwich instead of a small. All those regrets kick in at the worst moment such as when you are at the gas station putting $2.75 into your car because you decided to purchase some new loafers on Amazon all because the app said it’s a “can’t miss deal!” Now you pump your gas in regret. Good thing the loafers are comfortable.

Corporate Adults

I use the term adult loosely… Working in an office is far less interesting than what I thought it would be like after binge watching The Office. There’s no Michael, no Pam, no Jim, no Dwight, no Stanley, not even Mose (he didn’t work in the office but you get the point). So much passive aggressiveness, arguing via email but in a polite way (“As per my last email”). The slight competitiveness is interesting to watch, as they smile in your face they are watching your every move waiting for you to slip up.

It’s not that bad I guess: All in all, life after college doesn’t suck... well it could suck less for you if you make sure you utilize every resource available to you in school. Doing so will at least increase your chances of landing a job and maybe even landing one that pays well. Get an internship, volunteer, etc. anything to get your foot in the door prior to finishing.

Network

It’s not about what you know, it’s all about who you know. The job field is so competitive you could be the most qualified person for the position but your résumé might not make it to the managers’ desk if you don’t know someone.

Spend wisely.

Your credit card can easily ruin your life... the loafers can wait, Starbucks is overpriced. A McCafe is easier to say out loud, it’s also cheaper, and less bouje than a Vente Cuppawhatever they call it.

Congratulations graduate, good luck, and don’t screw up, you only just began your 20–40-year sentence of adulting.