IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME

IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME –

Would I?

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Like millions, I often wonder how different my life might have been if I could turn back time.

IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME, would I have followed my dream for a career in the military to see how far it would go, how far it would take me?

For as long as I can remember, my dream was to follow in my father’s footsteps and join the Navy.

The closest I got was, as a kid, I joined the Sea Cadets of America, an organization for children from nine to - (whenever they decided to leave). I was sixteen when our chapter ceased to exist.

As a “cadet” we wore the regulation Naval uniforms, learned to march in cadence. We were taught how to read a 16-point compass, which included how to “kick” the compass, which is to recite it backwards.

We had classes on morse code, semaphore, music, first aid, drama, and other things not taught in grade schools that our elders thought we’d find interesting. The men and women who ran our organization were between the ages of twenty-five and forty, with the exception of Mr. W who was easily walking towards sixty. They were our instructors, guides, inspirations, but, most of all, family. We were never treated like “little kids” who some adults might deem as bothersome children.

We were always encouraged to do our best and rewarded when we did.

All this only added to my interest in joining the Navy when I got older.

It never happened. But every once in a while, I wonder, what if it had.

By the time I was eighteen, I met the young man who I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with.

That put the Navy idea out of my head, and I began to plan a future on …. Ok, so “not so Mr. Right.” Our marriage lasted ten years, but I tried.

Occasionally, I’ll wonder, IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME, would I have still married him?

For ten years, my life was an on-and-off switch between limbo and hell. Forget heaven! Didn’t exist. Well, not exactly. Why did I hang around? The only part of heaven that came out of that union was my sons.

They made life not just bearable but enjoyable. We made our own lives fun. If I did go back in time and not married, “him,” even if I had children, they wouldn’t be who they are now? Would they?

IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME, would I have sought a higher education rather than just settle for a high school diploma? Maybe. At the time, I had my brother in college and my sister headed in that direction. My parents didn’t need another loan to pay off. I opted to work and help them and not long after, married, “him.”

It all turned out to be just fine. I love to read and watch science programs. To save money and eventually instruct my sons, I’d taken an auto mechanics course. I learned, thanks to my dad, to fix things around the house. When our local fire department opened EMT classes, I was one of the first to sign up. I guess what I’m trying to say is that my education is fine for me. I’ve done pretty darn good for someone with no college degree.

IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME, would I have waited a few years before having my children? I was nineteen when I had my first son and twenty when my second was born. At one time, my mom said I was too young to handle children, that I should have waited a bit longer. After a while, she knew the error of that statement.

My children weren’t planned, and yet, they also weren’t accidents. You know the, “oops, I’m pregnant. What do I do now?” scenario. I was married and starting a family was just something that seemed normal.

I had more fun “growing up” with my sons than I imagine I would have had if I’d have waited. They are grown men with families of their own but when we get together, we still have fun. No, I wouldn’t change that part of life for anything.

Yes, I’ve made mistakes in my life. So, IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME with the purpose of undoing those mistakes, then, yes, but for only that purpose.

I have grown comfortable in my own skin. I have made and lost friends throughout the years, many of whom that I’d left behind, weren’t worth my time anyway. Some that I thought were friends, in reality, weren’t.

When I met and decided to marry husband #2, a so-called friend stopped speaking to me because I chose to remarry. Rather than enjoy my happiness with me, she walked away.

Now, thirty years later, I have some really darn good friends whose company I completely enjoy and who enjoy mine as well. We speak, laugh, go out to lunch (who knows, maybe we really are “out to lunch”), encourage each other, and support each other during challenging times.

So, IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME, and know what I know now, I would still have chosen husband #2 and left Ginny behind.

Ah, that little word IF.

IF – the biggest word in any language.

IF – always gives us something to think about.

IF – makes you realize you can’t go back BUT using the memories of those past times, you sure can make the best of what you have.