I Used My White Privilege to Survive Misogyny, Fatphobia and Mental Illness Bigotry in the Arts.

In 1991 I was 19 yrs old and stood up to hate for the first time in the arts. I was inappropriately touched by a male teacher in class, and another instructor used my trauma history (without consent) to prompt an emotional response in an acting class. I spoke to the head of the program that this was not okay.

They kicked me out of school a few months later, citing I was "a danger to myself and others" and should be "institutionalized". They said I could leave immediately or stay until the end of the year.

It was March 1st 1991, and I was 19 years old. Two men in their 40s were staring me down, sneering at me. They had all the power to end my arts education, even my career. So I did the one thing that would wipe the smirks off their faces forever.

I stayed. I stayed until the end of the school year. Even though I knew I was expelled, even though I knew they would go on to discredit me in the arts because a young woman had the impertinence to say no to them.

I stayed 6 more weeks and destroyed the foundation of their poisonous narrative. If I was so dangerous, why would they let me stay? The truth was they had no legal standing and were violating my human rights. But no one cared in 1991. I had no way to fight. But I could resist.

Every student in the program, every instructor, taunted and bullied me and treated me like less than shit. But I made it. I stood my ground.

For the next 28 years I stood my ground. The bullying and rumour-spreading went on for years, but I still managed to be nominated twice for Canada's equivalent of the Tonys, had my own independent theatre company. I never quit because my heart was full of love for this work, my country, humanity.

All anybody could do was not hire me and make comments about how fat and crazy I was. But I worked in film and did my own shows onstage.

The hate and blacklisting got so bad I went to both my unions and was ignored. Multiple times. I filed a case with the Human Rights Commission, which was dismissed because no one would stand with me.

I was threatened on the street repeatedly. That got so bad I had to move across the county to the other coast. I discovered I was blacklisted in the theatre in my new city as well.

But American film and screen projects kept hiring me. And hiring me and hiring me. On those sets I was a worker just like everyone else. No one was treating me like a freak.

I was finally safe.

And then the world started to change. Powerfully and with insistence.

So I started a site (sovereignspace.blog) to help folks work their way through the often violent situations we find ourselves in as artists. Beginning the conversations about racism, colonialism, queer and trans phobia that no arts institution was willing to have except through platitudes. I wanted real change through real talk and real solutions. What qualifies me? You could say I've done 28 years of field research, and damn good at my work as an artist.

According to every bully and predator I've had over the last 28 years, every attempt to resist failed. But that 19 year old in that 3d floor office at the National Theatre School of Canada knew we would be here some day.

Inclusion. Truth. Safe spaces.

Bigotry is a matter of environmental disaster that takes a lot of cleaning up. Those who don't help will be pushed out of the way by history and social irrelevance. THose of us who are wounded and healing teach out secrets to the young. My life and career were mauled by bigots who believed they were, and still are, superior to me in every way.But they did not win. Bigots never win. They just get the illusion of victory for awhile. But it ends.

A new glorious world is being born before our eyes. And artists are making it happen.

If you are frustrated and alone, without allies, trying to stand your ground for your dignity. Do not be afraid. The world belongs to everyone. So does art. These changes that predators fought so hard to avoid HAVE ALL HAPPENED ANYWAY.

There will be a post racist, post-colonial arts classroom and workplace. It will require artful, sometimes sneaky, courage and skill to get there.

Good does triumph. It just takes awhile. 2020 will take us to even more amazing places. Do not doubt it.

-fm