I Am Not a Writer (Sorta)

I love the English language. Specifically when it is written. I have a hard time conveying my feelings and thoughts through spoken words, so I write often. However, I refuse to call myself a writer. I just can't bring myself to do it, because I feel like I'd be lying to myself. Here's why:

I cannot finish anything I start.

Okay, so if you're reading this then I'm contradicting myself, but let me explain what I mean. Whenever I get new ideas, I write them down. Whether it be a little note to remind me of the idea or the start of a story/chapter/prologue. I have tons of little things written down that I- at one point- thought had so much potential. Here's the thing, though. Once I get the idea down, I tend to leave it for a bit and never return. When I try to return, I can't think of anything else. It leaves me banging my head on my keyboard in frustration while I look at the document that NEVER CHANGES.

This, dear readers, is why I cannot call myself a writer. If I can't finish a piece of writing to save my life, I feel that I am not worthy of the title. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE writing, but I just have so much going on in the creative part of my head that I can't really focus on one thing. I have attempted to seek help through Google, Pinterest, YouTube, teachers, etc. I. Just. Can't. Do. It.

While I was routinely butting heads with my laptop, though, I came to a realization. I write small blurbs here, sometimes, and I write on another site called Wattpad. On both sites, I'm not necessarily trying to write full on novels. The discovery I made was that I am a boss at writing short stories. Things like one-shots or stories that can be told in a few parts. By writing things like that, my brain can't tell me that my writing is bad and that I have no good ideas.

Another realization I made was that writing is hard. And I should have already known that when I started. I did. When I say "hard," I mean in the sense that even seasoned writers can't get it perfectly write. Jokes. Writing is something that is always been worked on and is always changing. There's always more that I could do in order to make my writing better. I just need to get the idea through my head that I am capable of doing it.

And maybe this is all just in my head. I beat myself up over this because I always tell myself that I'm the worst at writing and I'll never be able to make my dream of being a writer come true. Maybe all writers go through this with their writing, and maybe I really am getting closer to being able to call myself one. That remains to be seen.

So while I can't write a novel yet, I'm working towards it by writing short stories that will progressively get longer as I get better at writing. I did not intend for this to be a call for help, but I tend to be contradictory. If you have any advice for a lover of words who can't finish writing this, I ask that you please give it to me. I'm slightly desperate. I cried two nights ago to my boyfriend over the phone because I couldn't write more than a sentence for my newest idea.

Lastly, I ask what you think. Am I totally right about not being a writer, or am I in my own head? What do you think a writer is? There's some food for thought. Happy travels, readers.