How did I become a writer?

Lately, I’ve been seeing questions like these:

What tv show/movie did want you to become a screenwriter?

Which book inspired you to become a writer?

Who inspired you to be a writer?

And I’m sure most writers can easily answer them. They can tell you the exact moment, movie, book, or show that made them become a writer.

They can pinpoint the very important moment in their life that sparked their desire to pursue a writing career.

But I’m struggling to answer these questions. When I saw these questions pop up, I hesitated and thought about them for a long time. I tried to find my exact moment.

When the fuck did I know I wanted to be a writer?!

Actually, I was surprised that this was so hard for me.

How can I NOT know this?

So, I decided to write this little thing to discover how my journey has started and to finally reply to the tweets with these lingering questions. Instead of staring at the questions like a frightened deer into approaching car lights.

The thing is, my friends, I know is that I’ve always had a big imagination when I was a child. I would make up worlds and give my puppets massive background stories, while they would climb my shelves and learn to fly like superheroes.

I know that I’ve always loved movies and I was fascinated about how they could make you feel.

I know that I’ve always loved comic books and tv shows and that I would obsessively watch and read everything I could get into my hands.

I know that I’ve been unhealthily daydreaming more than being present.

I know that I wrote my first book when I was 13. (All by hand! Even though my primary school teacher made me hate my handwriting skills because it was “too” messy. But that’s another story.)

I know that there are traces through my life that obviously show that I always was meant to be a writer. Now, I look back and laugh:

“Duh! How could no one see that I was meant for this shit?“

When loneliness drives your talent

I might have mentioned this already in another post or talked about it, but I had a very lonely childhood. I only had a few friends but every one of them left me at one point. I had parents who were (and still are) very focused on themselves, their struggle, and who they really are.

So, I spend a lot of time alone in my room. I was inventing stories and characters. I let them experience cool adventures and they had great friendships. They did everything that I didn’t dare to do or that I couldn’t.

They lived exciting lives, while I was stuck and lonely in mine.

But even though it makes me sad and I’d love to hug my younger self and tell her that she deserves to be seen. That her stories matter. That she matters.

I am also grateful that all this drove me to write more stories. It was like an addiction. Like a feel-good drug. I could get lost in my stories for hours.

It was a gift that saved me from my loneliness. That is still saving me every day and gives me so much joy that I could never imagine being without it.

There wasn’t any specific show or a certain movie, it was my loneliness that made me watch all of the shows and movies. That made me want to write my own stories.

When you still go after “it” even though everything is against you

I guess there were many factors that stepped into my way and made me think that I couldn’t be a writer

I was growing up in a small town that was mainly for working-class people who have their own weird stigmas about being creative and you could never make a living with this.

In school, I had really bad grades in German and writing essays, so I thought that is a sign that I shouldn’t be a writer.

I had no one who once told me: Wow, you could be a writer.

I mostly had people who said to me: You want to be a writer? Can you make a living with that? Also, isn’t that very hard?

Therefore, I never had any support or encouragement to follow my desire to become a writer.

But somehow I still kept going. I followed my path. This always makes me chuckle because my therapist once said to me: It’s incredible that you’ve always known what you wanted and went after it.

Well, I knew I wanted to be a writer but I was too scared to follow this path.

At 19, after I graduated from school, I decided to study film. But the technical side of things. I learned how to use all these amazing programs that could edit movies, animate stuff, and do other miraculous things that I have seen in movies.

I stopped writing for a while because I thought I’m going to become an animator for Disney or Pixar.

At 23, I got my first big job at a smaller company as a motion designer. But while I was working there for a couple of years, I’ve always known deep down that this is cool, but not really what I wanted to do.

I started writing again, but I told no one.

At 27, I decided to quit this amazing job with an incredible team to move to Vancouver for one year. My family thought I was crazy to leave this job. But I did it anyway.

At 28, I self-published the first book that I wrote while I was living and working in Vancouver. That’s also when I found out about the Vancouver Film School and I applied for it.

At 29, I graduated from Vancouver Film School during a global pandemic, but I was so happy. I finally followed my purpose.

Now, I am 30 and I’m working on my craft, keep writing my projects, and finally can tell myself that I am a writer!

It was all me… or maybe it’s just destiny?

It wasn’t any show or any movie that inspired me to become a writer. It wasn’t any book. There was no person who told me that I should be one.

It was all me.

I’ve always known that I am a writer. But it just took me a while to be brave enough to accept it. To live it.

I like to believe that it’s something I am destined to be. Something that has been my purpose all my life but I was afraid to believe it. But it’s like in the Witcher’s show: people linked by destiny will always find each other.

And I believe it’s not only people but also that your gifts will always find back to you. They might be a small spark and you might try to ignore them. But they will always find a way to come back to your life.

You just need to be brave enough to listen and take action.

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