Fifty jobs and counting

Job number 26 was fucking crazy. I worked in a call center around September and October helping people order Halloween costumes online. I used a computer operating system that you would expect to see in the year 1995 and when I worked there it was 2017. The operating system was black and green and white, and super complicated. The company also had really screwed up sizes so everyone kept calling to return their costumes and get bigger sizes and bitch at me for trying to help them out. I got yelled at the closer it was to Halloween and it made me realize why I buy all my costumes at a store so I can attempt to try them on, or just wear a mask and call it good.

It was fun lying to the customers or rather making stuff up and then in the process of transferring them just hanging up. I think I also remember pretending not to hear them and having them yell over the phone to me and then I immediately say stop yelling and then hang up the phone.

When I didn’t have to help idiots on the phone, I could read books or magazines or eat and play games on my cell phone. Let’s just say I was the shit at candy crush way back in the day. After Halloween the company switched to a mail order company that sold ornaments and stuffed animals and blankets and other random shit to help some charities that helped animals.

It was extremely popular with old people so all the good items got shipped quickly and we would run out of stuff the second week of December. So the next week I would get yelled at because it was my fault their items may not arrive by Christmas and also that people bought the same shit they wanted.

Sometimes I would take a break and work downstairs with my friends who worked in the personalized Christmas card section. I would sort and package hundreds of pictures of cheesy families posing like they were mentally challenged about to take a shit. We would grab the ones we thought were the dumbest and then laugh at them on our lunch break. Man those were good times for sure.

My next job number 27 was a temp job at a potato factory , the same one that did all the fries for Five Guys. It was a shocking development when I pulled up for my first day at work and saw a bus that had twenty prisoners start walking out of. Hmmm now I’m wondering what the fuck is going on. I go in and during orientation they tell us not to associate or sit with the prisoners. So I got put on a line and with hundreds of potatoes going by it was my job to grab the shitty. Looking ones and put them in a tube that sent them to a huge box that was apparently for pigs and other farm animals to eat.

Another day I was just picking up sixty pound bags of potatoes and putting them on a pallet for eight hours that day. The last day I was working with prisoners who all had potatoe knifes and I was just praying they didn’t stab me for being a white guy who was minding his own business. I made it a whole week without being stabbed and also fuck that factory for not telling me what was in store.

Another temporary job I was sent to was a beef jerky factory nearby. It did the target brand of beef jerky. Job number 28 was lame. There were huge garbage cans full of meat that was seasoned and I would grab piles of meat and stretch them on trays so we could put them in the smoker. It was never ending and whenever a garbage can was done they would bring in two more. I did get fifty percent off beef jerky though. I quit a week later and probably spent sixty bucks for n beef jerky that week. Don’t you fucking judge me.

Job 29 was at another potato factory, which was filled with people who didn’t speak English for the most part. It was also dealing with frozen potatoes so it was really cold working there. I pushed buttons and taped boxes and loaded pallets with fifty pound boxes of tater tots, French fries and hash browns. It was amazing being the only white worker in the whole building.

Job 30 was hmm at another factory dealing with instant potatoes. I cleaned the floors and swept shit up and when I was done I also mopped the floors. After taking a break I was given the great honor of taking out the trash of the entire factory all 30,000 feet.

I may have lasted four days at this job before telling my boss to fuck off, but I did say it in a nice way. Man I love potatoes but I hate working at those places.

Job 31 was being a valet at an apartment complex. It meant walking up all floors and grabbing the trash bags left by the tenants and walking to the dumpster and throwing the trash away. I had to do about 20 buildings and walked up and down 1000 stairs easy, and also carry hundreds pounds of trash up and down stairs as well. It was smelly, and it was at night and I hated every minute of it. I did it for about three months while also working another job as well.

Job 32 was at Target selling phones and working in the electronics department. I mainly sold prepaid phones for older people and a few random i phones for people who had sprint or T mobile. I dealt with so many old people who had no idea how technology worked. People who thought their phones were broke and had no idea they had to charge them every now and then. Explaining how’s phone works to a eighty five year old woman is to be fair another form of hell on earth.

When it was slow I would open up the video game case and sell games to customers and help them find shit in the store as well. Every week we would have a hour long meeting listening through the phone on how to get old people to buy our shit. It was boring and the only good thing was getting paid to play on my phone while pretending to care about the dumbest shit possible. I did this on the weekends while I was working at Costco on the weekdays.