by Elijah Taylor 6 months ago in humanity

Finding Yourself


Finding yourself is something that I have been striving to do latley. I want the oppurtiny to discover myself in a city, live like never before, do things I've never done.

Those are most likely the next chapters in my life, I only can hope that I find someone to bring along so I don't have to discover myself alone. Knowing yourself is rare, and once accompished, you can live life the way you're meant to.

I'm limited in what I'm able to do because of fear. I wish I was not afraid, but I know that the reasoning is due to I have a lack of understanding of myself in what I'm comfortable with. Becoming more comfortable in my own skin, can really aid in this.

I can also chose to surround myself with people who belive in me and who are willing to stand by me during my discovery. Finding yourself is a hard journey, but it doesn't have to be done alone. You know yourself best, but other people can help us shape who we want to become.

In six months I hope I'm in New York with two new close friends carving the path for my next steps in my journey of self-discovery. Maybe California, who knows? I tend to go with the flow, I know that about myself. I attract others who respond in situations in the same manner.

Knowing yourself is more than just about knowing who you are though. You have to know what you stand for, who you represent, and who you wish to be percived as. These are things I'm trying to be more self-aware about, but somtimes struggle with.

It's funny, we have this path to life we're supposed to live: School, girlfriend, job, car, house, wife, kids. I've never felt like I belonged to that normalcy. I'm gay, and I achived multiple homes and one car. No paying job anymore, unfortunelty. I'll take any tips I can get.

That's one downside of being a CEO. You are part of something you're so passionate about, but only funded by others. With only properties as funding, I'm left in this state of limbo. Stuck between sixteen and twenty; unable to visit the properties and continue my self-discovery.

I try to write to clear my mind, to keep the depression at bay. I hope that the words I string together will make sense and dazzel enough to get tipped so I can actually fuel my life, and focus on writing.

But I'm unsure of my own capability. The words are there, the feelings, everything I am in wording. Taking in bits and peices of me, should make me feel seen but I feel more alone than ever.

Thinking, conjuring up a story that will help readers who feel stuck is something that I have been having a hard time doing. I used to be able to write a story and I felt myself get sucked in, now it's just jumbled, much like my feelings.

I'm not even close to discovering myself, I'm still trying to make myself feel like I'm someone worth discovering. Latley, it's been rough. I hope that others who are on their own journy of self-discovery find it easier than me. I hope their words will flow, their funds will be maintained, and connecting with others isn't something that they struggle with.

Isn't that what we all want? Wishing that upon someone else is karmatic. So I've been told. I'm struggling with discovering myself and find socializing often difficult. The words just aren't there like they used to be.

As a writer, I feel like my worth is liquid, the words flowing on the page, strung together constructing a story or information to others. I've become more dry. The words are bland, the stories limited and difficult.

This is due to the fact that I have yet to discover outside my scripts. Writing short stories is fun, but I want to connect more, reaching out to people who are in similar ruts like me.

Elijah Taylor
Elijah Taylor
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