Destination Addiction

I could not fall asleep last night. The bed was comfortable, the room temperature just right, but my mind was moving too quickly to allow sleep to enter. For some reason, I was struck by the thought that I may be happier if I was working less or at a different place. This thought really came from nowhere. I enjoy my job. It works for my family. And it gives me time to write. So, why was I looking at new positions and different graduate degrees to pursue? Could I become a better writer going through a creative writing program? What if I spent more time on platforms like Vocal and practiced more? Maybe I have the tools already and just need to use them more.

Sometimes it is nice to have a fresh start somewhere. Maybe I will meet a great new friend by going back to school or starting a job at a different place. I might also make less money changing jobs or paying for graduate school. What if I am actually away from home more? During a mind-numbing social media scroll this morning, I was hit, and hit hard, by a Robert Holden quote:

“Beware of destination addiction, a preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, and with the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are.”

Was this irony, a coincidence, or something more? I closed the app and typed the quote in my notes. I had everything I needed out of social media today in the words “destination addiction.” I would like to say I used to be worse than I am now. In high school, it was all about picking what college would be the best and looking forward to that. Or it was looking forward to the big game the next day or the cool things I could do next weekend. Sometimes I looked further into the future. How many kids was the right amount? Which city should I live in? What job would bring me the most glory and money?

Perhaps the practice I started in college of looking ahead to when I was done with this class or had that house over there was starting to become destination addiction. We have all met people with destination addiction. They are on their third job in three years, or they are moving to a slightly bigger house, just after moving from a slightly smaller house before that. Worse yet, they treat relationships this way. The minute they do not get the right things out of the relationship, they move on.

Obviously admitting my hypocrisy, I have done all these things too. I get caught up on a certain real estate website thinking what if? What if I had that three story Victorian and started a bed and breakfast. What if we built our own house and had new everything? What if I moved into that better neighborhood? Last night, it was looking at job classifieds for really no good reason.

I recently read a celebrity’s newsletter. He was sitting on the couch trying to explain to his girlfriend that he was experiencing a weird feeling and thought it might be happiness. He may have been afraid to name it, thinking it was fleeting. Perhaps it was there all along. So, today’s goal is to remind myself to look harder for happiness where I am, not where I am going. Yes, next week, month, or year could be really great, but you know what; there was happiness in this week too.