American Men Are Suffering — Why Is It So Difficult to Solve or Fight For Men’s Issues?

Today, I saw a post on Facebook where a little boy sacrificed himself for his little sister. Everyone was calling him heroic and manly. I saw one comment that read, “He’s not a boy, he’s a man.” And my instant reaction was, “Hell yeah, he deserves all these amazing compliments.” And then I realized something.

He shouldn’t be in that situation in the first place. And why are we patting his back as if his behavior was normal and expected of him? Shouldn’t we help him get therapy or counseling after almost dying?

In the last part of the video, the kid was smiling and proud. But I can’t help but think if he’ll be okay, emotionally and mentally.

He might grow up never sorting through those emotions and trauma. And this made me realize: Men’s issues are hard to solve and fight for because some men don’t see them as issues at all. They see them as things expected of them by society.

Men are expected to do certain things that help define them as men. And if they can’t or don’t want to do them, they are treated or seen as less of a man. I am only pointing this out because I’ve seen so many posts here on Medium about women’s issues and rarely see posts discussing men’s issues.

(P.S. I’m not saying women’s issues are not important — because they are! However, women’s issues are issues anyone can get behind on easily but not men’s issues. For example, if someone were to write about promoting male fragility, they would get ridiculed. Why? Because a man is not supposed to be fragile. Do you see my point?)

Some men are struggling, and many are afraid to speak up for fear of being invalidated or ridiculed.

In the United States, men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women. Men are more likely to use illegal drugs resulting in more emergency department visits for death by overdose than women. Men are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD and autism. Likewise, they are less likely to receive treatment for mental health issues.

Men suffer in silence because their issues are difficult to talk about. If they open up, they are often ridiculed or invalidated — not just by women but also by fellow men, so most choose to keep their struggles hidden.

Imagine carrying that weight all your life because you’re not allowed to open up about your issues. It’s exhausting, sad, and lonely. No wonder men are four times more likely to die by suicide.

The numbers are alarming, yet no one is saying anything because men’s issues are not important or are not “real” issues. It’s truly disturbing, not only for men who are struggling but for people with a loved son or brother struggling mentally and emotionally in a world where everyone is demanding that:

“Men should be strong.”

“Men should be brave.”

“Men should be men.”

“I’m afraid of opening up about my insecurities to a girl again because I don’t want to lose her. But I also don’t want to wear a mask where I pretend I’m an emotionally secure and stoic man.” — K.P.

What do you think? Are men’s issues really rarely talked about? Should it be something we should focus more on? Let me know your thoughts.

I am Katya, a dating coach and matchmaker for A-Foreign-Affair.com. I write about Men's Issues and Realities of International Dating. If you are interested about the topics I write about, please subscribe to my stories.