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The Great What If?

My take on another RHC prompt.

By Paul StewartPublished 6 months ago 4 min read

Preamble: Honestly, Dall-E/ChatGPT produced the above, following this prompt "can you create an image similar to the painting The Scream with a cocker spaniel, the moon, a big sign in the back that says clearly "What If?" and a person that looks like Donald Trump getting punched in the belly. Make it 1280 x 720 please"

Upon asking where Donald Trump was

"I'm sorry, but I cannot create images of real people, including politicians like Donald Trump, especially in scenarios involving violence or harm. This is in line with the guidelines for responsible and respectful use of AI. If you have another concept or theme you'd like to explore in an image, feel free to share it, and I'll be happy to assist!"

I then asked it to add the northern lights into the image and hey presto, a mess. Thanks AI!

Saw another Rick prompt that I thought I'd give a shot.

Before we get down to my insanity, here is a link to Rick's if you would like to have a go. His take is great and he even provides a full list of the If's beneath his to make it easier to do your own.

Sorry in advance. I may or may not have had enough or too much caffiene when doing this. I did my level best to be honest and take it as seriously as I could.

Here goes.

If I were a rich man (woman or person)

I would probably get some rest, finally. Depending on how rich, we're talking. I'd make sure my own were well taken care of and then I'd reach out to people who needed it. I like to think I'd be quite firm with it, though. I wouldn't just give out money willy-nilly. I'd want to do it properly.

Being rich, especially if it was billions, not millions or thousands, would make me unstoppable.

I'd also publish my work traditionally. Why lie?

If I could fly

I often answer questions like "If you could have one superpower, what would it be?" with either teleportation, because then I could just appear places and flying, which would be so elegant and exhilerating. I love ravens, crows (yeah, alright, I know that might be obvious by my darker side) and vultures, but also appreciate albatrosses, hummingbirds, bees and eagles. So, to be able to fly, whether I could reach the dizzy heights or skimmed across the water, would be a dream come true. I'd find myself flying off when everything got a little too insane. Also...can you imagine, doing date night in Norway or Iceland under the Northern Lights? I'd do that if I could fly.

Flying would also make me unstoppable.

If I were a dog

I'd probably be a cocker spaniel. Simply because I love cocker spaniels and would love to have all that untapped energy. Really, I'd want to be a wolf, I guess. so maybe we can scrap that. Stalking around the woods at night, without fear of anything. The freedom being a dog would give would be comparitve to being able to fly.

I also wonder what my genitals actually taste like ( I know I could just ask a woman or someone who has tasted penis. lol. But, for my own benefit?)

Yeah, you may be puking at that or rolling your eyes, but if you didn't see that answer coming, you're a bunch of fools. Joke said with kindness and respect.

If I were the moon

I'd taste myself? Cheese reference.

I'd have fun controlling the tides and looking down on the Earth. Would be great to be away from the noise, just hanging in space with the stars and the other celestial bodies.

If I were the king (queen or ruler)

I'd probably abdicate after fixing stuff and abolish the monarchy. Such a tired and useless tradition and institution. I'd sell all the property, sell all the fucking jewels and give the wealth to worthy places. You know, the cliched response you'd expect from a Scot?

If I could be at two places at one time

I'd be unstoppable.

If I were a car

I'd be an off-road SUV type thing or a pick-up truck like The Fall Guy had (aging myself there) so I could go off on adventures.

If I was money

I'd show you how worthless money really is and besmirch its name so that no-one put all their eggs in that particular barrel ever again.

Either that or I'd clone myself, become rich and solve all the world's problems. whatever works best?

If I were a painting

I'd probably be something by Van Gogh. Something that showed the light and the dark. Something that made people feel. That or The Scream...something relatable. Something that made people feel they weren't alone?

Either that or that creepy painting from Ghostbusters 2.

If I were to go insane

If? I already think I'm there. At least I'm not criminally insane...yet?

If I were the President

I'd probably go on a holiday (or vacation as you like to say across the pond) and fly in Air Forice 1, wearing Air Force 1 trainers. I'd want a nice jacket, know. Crisp and cool.

Also, as I'm Scottish, I'd make it a rule that all presidents should wear kilts. Something fun and institute bagpipes at ceremonial gatherings.

I'd likely punch Donald Trump in the belly just for fun and mess around too much with the button. You know the button. I want my pancakes now dammit or I'm using the button.

If I was Prime Minister, I'd mess stuff up...I'm not really qualified for the job and would just want to sort things too much, so they'd probably oust me.

If I were a good man (woman, person)

I hate the implication that this means I am not a good man. Like, wtf. All the shade (as the youths say) I mean, I'm not. I am not even close to being a good man.

I try to be. But, if I were as good as I ever want to be, I'd hope people would recognise it. I think we all just need to do our best. Sometimes our best is worse than others. But, give it a shot. You don't need to be an asshole. And if you are going to be an asshole, don't try to hide it.


Thanks for reading!


About the Creator

Paul Stewart

Scottish-Italian poet/writer from Glasgow.

Overflowing in English language torture and word abuse.

"Every man has a sane spot somewhere" R.L Stevenson

The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection is now available!

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Comments (7)

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  • Kristen Balyeat5 months ago

    Lol! I really love when you write about yourself. Always makes me laugh! Your dog comment... I need an emoji because there are no words. lol! Absolutely loved your answer to the painting question! This is a fun challenge and I thoroughly enjoyed every single one of your answers- some deep, some just so freakin silly. haha! Also, yes, the president should totally wear a kilt, and I want one of those crisp and cool jackets too. haha!

  • Grz Colm5 months ago

    So sorry to throw shade but there’s a couple of sentences there that I’m not in a hurry to read again! 😆 Also what was this “I want my pancakes now dammit or I'm using the button.” 🤣 WHAT is going on over there? Soz I’ve not been keeping abreast of the micros.. haven’t read much the last couple of days.. not personal.. anyhow how are you? Ps cover image is lit!

  • Great answers, you old dog, you!

  • Thank you for kindly and respectfully revealing that I'm a bunch of fools 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I had fun reading this! 🍩🥐

  • This was interesting, deep, and funny. Good job Paul. I'm with you on punching trump - the man is truly a mess!!!

  • This was interesting, deep, and funny. Good job Paul. I'm with you on punching trump - the man is truly a mess!!!

  • Shirley Belk6 months ago

    Paul, you are always such a hoot! I like the ways we are alike...we take care of our families first above all others, Northern Lights are my dream come true, love the life of wild dogs/wolves, jeeps/SUVs, Van Gogh's in blues. So, question...what about the fact that Trump's mother was Scottish? Would that be a double punch? A better punch? A half a punch? or No punch at all? I just sense you are frustrated with gov' too. But it's Biden I'd wish to punch just for his sniffing alone.

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