Trippin'

Hey, Scott, my buddy,

I hope your trip to Italy is everything you dreamed it would be. Rest assured, your cat is being taken care of.

I'm writing to say sorry for eating your last bag of chips ... and the other bags before that.

You see, I smoked some weed. That shit was stronger than I expected. I had never tripped out on weed before. So, of course, I got the munchies. I was enjoying the blue corn chips when I realized some chili would be great to dip them in. I found a can of that really good stuff in your cupboard.

So, here's another thing I need to apologize for related to that. I was carrying my phone in one hand and some chili in a soup cup in the other. I was going to throw my phone on the couch, only I got confused in my state and threw the cup instead. I cleaned up your couch as best as I could.

Of course, I had to go back and get another cup of chili. Maybe it was because I was trippin', but I didn't know canned chili could taste so great. Then, I thought, "This chili would go great on a chili dog." I was delighted to find dogs in your fridge. Then I laughed at myself for thinking about dogs in your fridge. Like, the animal.

So, I put a hotdog in the microwave, only I entered my credit card pin number to cook it, so it kind of exploded. I cleaned that up too (well, mostly.) When the second one was finally done cooking without exploding, I noticed you didn't have buns, so I used a piece of bread. That got me thinking, "Is a hotdog a sandwich?" I was blowing my own mind!

After that, I decided to watch something on your big screen. Only, the remote wasn't working, until I realized I was holding it backwards. It's like I was trying to turn myself on.

That got me thinking about what really turns me on.

Scott, I think I may be in love with you. I've been trying to convince myself that I am hetero for years, but I think you even hinted to the contrary a few months ago. You know me better than I know myself. I felt nothing for poor Janet while we were dating. I was relieved when she broke up with me. I've finally decided to own up to the real me. I'm gay, and I'm not going to be ashamed of it.

I know you're not out, but I think you have the same feelings, at least I hope so. I've sensed some attraction on your part. If I'm wrong, I promise not to be weird about it. So, will you please call me when you get back no matter how you feel about me? I keep thinking about you and how we could spend our time together if you're of like mind.

Anyway, back to my story. I watched something — I don't remember what. It got to this scene with a field of flowers. I literally thought there were flying insects all over your screen. I started throwing your couch pillows at it. You'll be relieved to know that I came to my senses before causing damage to your TV, although I did manage to hit a potted plant, which broke when it fell over.

I promise to replace everything that I ate and fix or clean anything that I've damaged while cat sitting.

Speaking of cats, Spunky is a great companion when you're trippin'.

Oh yeah, and sorry for smoking your weed.

Love,

Greg