The Lowdown: Secrets All Short Girls Will Never Tell You

Let us get the disclaimer out in the open. I am not short nor am I a woman. For some reason all my past relationships involved short women. These are the secrets I have learned over the years.

Do you have vertical challenges? Do you frequently find yourself reaching up to the top shelf with your neck or becoming lost in a sea of tall people when at a concert? Do not be alarmed, short people! I am revealing the humorous and occasionally awkward secrets that all vertically challenged females keep dear to their hearts in this explosive exposé. So grab a step stool and prepare to laugh your way through the special challenges and victories that come with being a tiny powerhouse!

The Art of the Tiptoe Tango: Have you ever attempted to reach a higher shelf only to find yourself performing an unplanned tiptoe routine that could compete with any professional dancer? The art of balancing between reaching for the stars and taking the chance of a disastrous fall is something that short girls have perfected. It's a balletic performance worthy of a standing ovation on its own!

The Dangers of Petite Fashion: While your taller peers gracefully and elegantly walk down life's runway, you shorties frequently find yourselves submerged in fabric or fighting floods of extra-long pants. But worry not—you've mastered the technique of hemming and tucking, making striking pieces out of big clothing.

The Stealthy Stool Stash: The modest step stool is your go-to gear for getting to high kitchen cupboards and unreachable top shelves. These dependable friends, who live beneath beds and in closets, save your bacon when everything else seems out of reach. Just watch out that you don't be caught carrying it around like a little superhero with a ladder!

The Power of Perspective: Having a vertical challenge gives you a very distinct perspective on the world! Short girls have a talent for seeing the bright side of everything, from sitting in crowded rooms and staring up at the towering giants around them to learning the art of strategic seat selection. Who needs a worm's-eye viewpoint when you have a bird's-eye view, after all?

The High Heel Hokey Pokey: For you ladies who struggle with their vertical alignment, high heels can be a boon or a bane. They might offer you a few much-needed inches in height, but they also run the risk of falling on you at any time like a helpless baby giraffe. But really, with a fantastic pair of flats you can rock with just as much elegance and attitude as stilettos, who needs them?

The Art of the Reaching Reflex: When it comes to grabbing the greatest spot in a crowded room or the final piece of pizza, short girls have lightning-fast reactions. Years of experience have refined your deft fingers and sharp intellect, so you'll never miss out on life's tiny pleasures, even if they're just out of reach.

The Naptime Napoleon: Short females are the undeniable monarchs of the pillow fortress when it comes to staking out your territory in the realm of sleep. You may be little in size, but you're powerful in the realm of sleep control, from arranging yourself so that you're in the middle of the bed to snatching up every available square inch of blanket space!

That's the wild world of secrets that all short girls will never tell you about, but they're definitely nodding along to in accord behind closed doors. So remember to offer that vertically challenged gal a high-five (or low-five, depending on your viewpoint) and acknowledge her for the little powerhouse that she really is the next time you see her!