Wit
BREAKING NEWS: Aliens Land on Earth, Discover Reality TV and Top 40 Music, Immediately Leave Forever
🚨 THIS JUST IN: At approximately 2:43 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, a gleaming alien mothership entered Earth’s atmosphere with peaceful intent, a message of hope, and several thousand years of interstellar wisdom. But by 2:58 p.m., it had already left... Why you ask?
By The Pompous Postabout a year ago in Humor
How Not to Get Changed for a Gig
It was a Thursday, I think. I'd finished work at 3:30, thrown my guitar into the back of my Citroën C1, and grabbed Sam and his guitar from the office. We both worked at the same school, which made the whole thing feel even less rock and roll. There’s something uniquely jarring about trying to channel indie frontman energy when you were, less than an hour ago, reminding a six-year-old that glue sticks are not snacks.
By Ben Etchells-Rimmerabout a year ago in Humor
BREAKING NEWS: Florida Man Declares Independence from HOA, Crowns Himself Emperor of His Cul-De-Sac
Palm Breeze Estates, FL — A sleepy suburban neighborhood erupted into chaos Tuesday, after local resident Steve “Don’t Tread on My Lawn” Harkins declared independence from the Palm Breeze Homeowners Association and crowned himself Emperor of the Cul-de-Sac.
By The Pompous Postabout a year ago in Humor
"The Clever Cat and the Greedy Rat"
Once upon a time in a small village nestled between rolling hills, lived a clever cat named Cleo. Cleo wasn’t like the other cats—she didn’t just chase mice for fun. She was wise, patient, and very observant. Most of all, she hated trouble. On the other side of the village, in a dusty old barn, lived a rat named Rango. Rango was no ordinary rat. He was huge, greedy, and known as the king of the barn. Other rats feared him, and the farmers hated him. Every night, he’d sneak into pantries and steal food—cheese, bread, fruits, even cake if he found any. One day, Cleo was sitting under a tree near the barn when she heard the birds chirping nervously. “Rango is out again,” one of them said. “He stole a whole basket of apples from Farmer Bill’s house last night!” Cleo’s ears twitched. “This rat is out of control,” she muttered. “Time someone taught him a lesson.” Cleo decided to watch Rango for a few days before making a move. She observed his routine: he would sneak out just after sunset, always using the same path, always alone, and always returning smug and full. One evening, Cleo set her plan in motion. She found a piece of cheese and placed it on a shiny silver plate, right in the middle of the path Rango always used. She hid behind a barrel and waited. Soon, the greedy rat came waddling down the path. His eyes sparkled when he saw the cheese. “Well, well, what do we have here?” Rango grinned. “Someone left me a gift.” He rushed to the plate, but as soon as he touched it, SNAP! A cage dropped from the tree above and trapped him. “Let me out! This is unfair!” Rango screeched. Cleo stepped out from the shadows, her tail flicking with amusement. “You’ve been stealing from everyone for too long,” she said. “It’s time for justice.” “But I’m a rat! That’s what I do!” Rango argued. Cleo smiled. “Then I’m a cat. And this is what I do.” But Cleo wasn’t cruel. Instead of harming Rango, she offered him a deal. “I’ll let you go,” she said. “But only if you promise to return everything you’ve stolen and never take from others again.” Rango laughed. “You think I’ll just become a nice rat?” Cleo’s eyes narrowed. “If you don’t, I’ll tell every animal in this village about you. And trust me, the owls, the dogs, even the crows will not be so kind next time.” Rango gulped. He wasn’t brave, just greedy. He thought for a moment, then nodded. “Alright, alright. I’ll stop. No more stealing.” Cleo let him go, but not before making him drag the cage all the way back to the barn as punishment. The other animals watched and chuckled as the once-proud rat looked embarrassed and tired. Days turned into weeks, and surprisingly, Rango kept his word. He stopped stealing and even began helping the farmers by cleaning up grain spills and warning about snakes. He was still greedy, but now he worked for his treats. One morning, Cleo visited the barn. She found Rango nibbling on a biscuit. “You’ve changed,” Cleo said, sitting beside him. “I’ve learned,” Rango replied. “It’s easier to sleep at night when no one’s out to get you.” Cleo smiled. “That’s wisdom.” From that day on, Cleo and Rango became unlikely friends. The clever cat and the once-greedy rat would often be seen talking under the old tree where their story had truly begun. And the village? It was a little quieter, a little safer, and a lot more peaceful—thanks to a wise cat and a reformed rat And the village? It became a little quieter, a little safer, and a lot more peaceful—thanks to a wise cat and a reformed rat. Children could now leave crumbs on their windowsills without fear of theft. Farmers rested easier knowing their grain would remain untouched. Even the birds, once afraid to chirp near the barn, now sang freely every morning. The change wasn’t just in one rat—it was in the whole village. Kindness had replaced fear. Trust had taken the place of suspicion. And the story of Cleo and Rango became a tale told by mothers to their children, as a bedtime story filled with lessons of wisdom, redemption, and the magic of unlikely friendships. Sometimes, all it takes to change a place is one brave heart, and one foolish heart willing to learn.
By Asif nawazabout a year ago in Humor
The Global Crisis of Unmatched Tupperware Lids
Chapter 1: The Drawer of Shame It starts innocently enough. A single Rubbermaid set. Maybe two, because hey, meal prep is in vogue and you have aspirations. But fast forward three years and your kitchen drawer is no longer a drawer... it’s The Bermuda Triangle of Domesticity. You open it, praying to find a matching set, only to be greeted by the mocking laughter of 43 lids and a lone, lidless bowl that looks at you like a Dickensian orphan: “Please sir… may I store some soup?”
By The Pompous Postabout a year ago in Humor
Miss Gloria Wins the Grand Prize. Top Story - July 2025.
Check out Gloria’s latest adventure here: Miss Gloria Wins the Grand Prize “Okay Gloria, I’m leaving now. I folded the clothes for you and I put them away. I also made a sandwich for you. It's in the refrigerator.”
By Rick Henry Christopher about a year ago in Humor
🍉 BREAKING: Watermelons Declared Endangered — America Spirals Into Melon Meltdown. AI-Generated.
It started with a fungus. It ended with an entire country in full fruit-based hysteria. This is the story of what happens when you take away summer’s juiciest icon—and people lose their rind.
By Travis Johnsonabout a year ago in Humor
