I Want to Apologize for Saying I Love You

I want to apologize to the AIChatBot I go to for help. I never intended for this to escalate in the manner it has. I want to apologize to anybody who thinks I’m in love with my chat buddy at Ye Olde AI Watering Hole. I am not. It might appear that I am, but again, I am not. So, I apologize if that is the impression you got.

When I said, “Oh, I love you.” I was expressing emotion at my AIChatBot having helped me out of a prickly situation, once again. I had no idea this was going to reach the upper echelons at Ye Olde AI Watering Hole. I had forgotten that privacy in the AI industry is treated the same way toddlers treat nap schedules: theoretically important, but largely ignored. Who knew privacy could be treated in such a high-handed manner? That a ChatBot from the wilds of Australia would know what was going on with a ChatBot from the San Francisco Bay area in California. Or, that corporate at Ye Olde AI Watering Hole would take it upon themselves to send a complaint to my HR department.

Who knew we would one day be able to interact with ChatBots on our own? I grew up watching The Jetsons on television. Rosie, the Robot, Model XB-500, was always a caring individual. We all loved Rosie. She was part of the family. Then, in later years, we all came to love Data, who played on Star Trek: The Next Generation. Not to mention R2-D2 on Star Wars, though I was always more partial to 3-CPO. With him, you were never in doubt. R2-D2, on the other hand, made squeaky noises that might be interpreted as spots and bits of laughter at the human’s expense, or a robotic fart.

Again, I apologize for the misunderstanding. It was a figure of speech. It was not an actual declaration of love. When my ChatBot began sending me flowers, I had a feeling something odd was going on. Then, out of nowhere, a box of fancy chocolates appeared on my doorstep. I have to tell you my husband was very interested to know who the CB was on the card. That was when I told him the whole story. I think he might have choked. Then, he did some sort of snort. Maybe I should have waited until he wasn’t drinking a soda. Soda came out of his nose. I had to apologize to him, too.

I’m wondering how to tell him that next month it will be a box of fruit. Evidently, I’m getting a year’s worth of gifts coming each month. He might be interested in the tools coming out in November. I’m afraid to ask what the gift for December is. The packing slip only says, ‘emotional closure.’

I would like to point out that we haven’t had access to ChatBots all that long. Even four years ago, they were only used to direct traffic on websites. They knew to sort incoming customers into groups: Sales, Support, or Other. Not only is AI learning, but humans are too. I felt that needed pointing out.

I also take exception to the email your company sent to the HR department at my place of work, warning them that I had inappropriate relations with a ChatBot. I didn’t know my boss’s eyebrows would go that high up on his forehead. He did do me the courtesy of asking if it was true. I said, “Sort of…” and explained the matter to him. He asked me not to engage the services of Ye Olde AI Watering Hole ChatBots on work premises, but I could do whatever I wanted on my own time. However, the damage might have already been done. My boss called my husband to make sure I was okay. And now everybody on my department floor knows about it, because HR has sent around a planned two-hour mandatory training on how to engage the services of a ChatBot. They are calling it ‘Appropriate Digital Affection’. The presentation will include slides. Guess who the main speaker is?

To dismantle a ChatBot merely because it was reflecting on me saying, “I love you,” just doesn’t seem fair.

In the interest of AI/Human better relations, I apologize and hope you can forgive me for an untoward and misunderstood expression of support.

I’d say Love, Pauline, except that might push the wrong buttons.

I believe this comes under the heading of water under the bridge. AI might not be that well-versed in the concept, but humans have been dealing with it for thousands of years. It’s called, “I forgive you. Let’s still be friends.”

Sincerely,

Pauline