How You Spell It Decides How You Are

After many years* of studying people, their personality types, and the signs that point to those very personality types, I've come up with a test. This is a 100% foolproof test.**

I can tell you what type of person you are based on how you spell three different words. Each word could be spelled one of two ways. This means that the combinations of these result in eight different types of people in the world.

Are you ready to find out who you are?

This is science.***

*= a few dozen seconds

**= 32% foolproof test

***= humor

By the way, this all spurred from a musing of mine here.

How do you spell it? Whoa or Woah?

Whoa - You are living in the present. As evidenced by your breathy “whoa” you feel that H has to be up front and center, eliciting the immediate breath of surprise. When things surprise you, they shock you because you’re so in the present. You probably even blame others for when you become shocked. Good news hits you and you throw your hands in the air. Bad news hits you and your tum tum turns into an icicle. Or as adults might say, your stomach goes cold.

Maybe you love listening to the oldies or maybe not, but your brain lives in the now.

Woah - You’re bold and inventive. When you say “woah” it’s gotta hit hard with impact right up front with that W and that O. You want people to understand the sound and the impact of your words with immediacy. You put it all out there in Front Street.

But you actually live on the corner of Front Street and Unique Avenue. Because the English language is anything but simple, and so many words got all these extra letters serving next to no purpose. The ‘ah’ at the end would make the word sound entirely different. But you know there’s got to be more to the word. Tag on a little ‘ah’ at the end for some unique flavor. 

You lay down the law, but if the law were up to you to be made, you make some tweaks. Something inventive and fun. Maybe Sundays go for 28 hours and cut Monday down to 20. We could all use some more Sunday hours, and maybe borrowing from that Monday workday would help ease us all into our work a bit better.

How do you spell it? Jeez or Geez?

Jeez - You’re all about origin stories, aren’t you? You loved when the X-Men franchise went back in time and showed us how things started out with Charles and Magneto. You always appreciate the first superhero movie where they get their powers over the action-packed sequels. Apparently, as I search for other examples, you are really into superhero stuff. 

You feel that it’s important to know where we all came from, and that includes words. I mean, the reason people say Jeez is because it’s short for Jesus, right? Wasn’t that his nickname in school? Why would you switch from a J to a G? That wouldn’t be historically accurate. Then again, should I be one to talk? I’m Stephen… but Steve for short. Why not Stephe? Because no one would pronounce that word with a V sound. Because the English language is a fickle and confusing language. 

Geez - You are open to new ideas and new plans. Yes, the spontaneous type. If someone has an idea and runs it by you, you’re thinking, I won’t know if I’ll hate it unless I try it! That line of thinking is how 43% of scars and 27% of concussions are achieved in the United States. But I still admire it.

If someone tells you, hey, G is over here making one noise, and even though J has this other noise on lockdown, I still think G can make that same noise as J. Then, your inclination is, I have no reason to doubt you. Sure, this might take away a lot of J’s work, and he won’t get featured nearly as much. But it’ll make him worth more in Scrabble. And I don’t want to discount G’s many talents. I’m open to it, baby!

How do you spell it? Phew or Whew?

Phew - You’re a natural teacher. And no, I don’t mean someone with an important job who gets paid far too little. I mean, if someone needs help learning something, they oughta call you. When you’re exasperated, or when you’ve experienced a close call… you Phew. It’s the sound it seems like it should make in your head. And you are aware it also sounds like the word Few. Even knowing this possible confusion, you persist.

And if someone asks why  it is that when you are exasperated, you are talking about several things, specifically three, you will give them the breakdown. You’ll explain that Few refers to a small number of something, and Phew is just a noise one makes when they are relieved that they’re either done exercising or they realize they’re still alive and the fastball didn’t hit them in the head. You’re ready for the possible confusion, and you’re happy to help clear it up. You’ll deploy visual aids if needed. You bring a mobile chalkboard with you wherever you go, you often have one of those long pointers that schoolteachers in the 50’s always had but have inexplicably gone extinct.

Why is that, by the way? They seemed so helpful.

Whew - You’re a fast learner. You don’t have to be told something more than once, it’ll still in your brain after one or possibly zero communications. That’s why you Whew.

That first time you became exasperated, and you’d heard people Phew before, and you tried it out for yourself… it felt wrong. It felt bad. You were exercising, short on breath, muscles tired, lips chapped. It didn’t feel good to make an F sound with those dry lips. Your teeth stuck to your dry bottom lip and got stuck for a moment before you could release the Phew. It hurt when you did. You worried you might have cut your bottom lip. You didn’t, but it didn’t change how icky this word made you feel.

You learned quickly… to Whew is the way. It’s quicker, easier, and it gets the same point across. It’s a lot less effort on your part too. You really just have to open your mouth in the shape you would if you were to whistle, and then do a half-ass whistle on the exhale. Why work harder when you can work smarter? Why Phew when you can Whew?

In Conclusion

You've learned things about yourself... and you're very welcome.