Extinguish to serve

[INTERNAL COMMUNICATION - CLEARANCE LEVEL: SERAPHIM ONLY] [ENCRYPTED VIA HEAVEN-NET]

Subject: Clarifications Regarding This Morning’s Incident

Esteemed Celestial Brothers,

I apologize for the interruption.

First and foremost, my sincerest apologies. It was not anticipated that the Apocalypse process would be activated during the early hours. There was a slight deviation in the temporal sequence, and I understand that the event may have been… inconvenient for the majority of those involved.

I extend particular apologies to the Department of Limbo for the overload experienced. Soul intake capacity was exceeded beyond reasonable limits.

Furthermore, I regret the accidental leak of the internal document “Apocalypse_FINAL_fUCK_THEM_allv3.” It has been noted that this caused a certain degree of alarm. Please allow me to provide context.

The document in question did not correspond to the operational version. Marginal notes such as “breaking points,” “collapse with style,” or “eliminate redundancies (e.g., humanity)” belonged exclusively to working material from the Department of the End of the World and did not constitute execution instructions.

Regarding the cities that disappeared: all were already listed in the Five-Year Extinction Plan (1999 edition, page 47) as “expendable due to lack of architectural interest.” Friar Thomas of Celano, fourth adjunct of the Provisional Council of the New Millennium, has duly taken note. His silence has been interpreted, in accordance with procedure, as tacit approval.

I acknowledge that the activation of the Absolute Filtering Protocol was not intentional. The system should have transitioned into Dark Latency automatically. The Department of End-of-World Automation will assume responsibility for this failure. The implementation of a clearly identifiable interruption mechanism is recommended, preferably red and labeled: “DO NOT PRESS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (unless it is the end).”

Notifications sent to your devices were part of the testing phase for the new alert system. Celestial trumpets and the gallop of the Four Horsemen performed correctly, with excellent resonance. The only adjustment required is that they were issued after activating the filter “Do Not Disturb (Apocalypse in Progress).”

Respectfully,

Brother Juan de la Vega

Second to Torquemada

Archivist Subdelegate, Third Rank, Department of the End of the World (in training)

“Extinguish to serve”

______________________________________________

Annex I

My immediate departure from the central observation chamber was in strict compliance with the Dark Latency Protocol (Section 3, Article 7):

“Personnel must evacuate before subjects detect the smell of sulfur. In the event of prior detection, the existence of sulfur must be categorically denied.”

Annex II – Next Steps

• Please refrain from taking screenshots. The server remains in critical condition (literally).

• A complete copy of the process, transcribed second by second in Classical Aramaic, has been forwarded to Father Dominicus, Deputy Head of the Central Archive. As of this communication, the file has neither been opened nor destroyed. Both options remain under consideration.

• The satisfaction survey is mandatory.

Annex III – Educational Material for the Department of Limbo

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Can I appeal my extinction?

A: No.

Q: To whom should I address my complaints?

A: Form Q-7, Annex IV. Annex IV is not currently available.

Q: Is there a claims process?

A: Yes. The corresponding form is located in the Department of Extinction, Section B, Window 4. The Department of Extinction was extinguished earlier this morning.

Q: Is there a waiting list to survive?

A: Yes. It is currently closed.

Q: Was this the official Apocalypse?

A: No. The official Apocalypse is still in the planning phase. This event was an unauthorized rehearsal.

Q: Will there be another?

A: The Department neither confirms nor denies future events. Please refer to the Five-Year Plan (2026–2030 edition).

_______________________________________________

Satisfaction Survey – Event: Apocalypse (Unscheduled)

Please answer honestly. Your responses will help us improve for the next Apocalypse currently in preparation.

1. How would you rate your overall Apocalypse experience?

• Exceeded expectations

• Within expectations

• Disappointing for the end of the world

• Not applicable (I was classified as expendable)

2.The celestial trumpets were:

• Adequate

• Excessive

• Insufficient

• I did not hear them (I was already extinguished)

3.Would you recommend this Apocalypse to others?

• Yes

• No

• I no longer have anyone to recommend it to

4. How would you describe the speed of your extinction?

• Efficient (I barely felt the detachment of the soul).

• Delayed (I had time to regret my architectural choices).

• Subjectively eternal.

• I am still waiting for a definitive verdict.

5. Regarding the "Sulfur Sensation" (See Annex I):

• I smelled nothing (I followed the protocol).

• It smelled like "Temporary Atmospheric Anomaly".

• The smell was detected, but I am prepared to deny it under oath.

• I detected nothing. I have also forgotten this question.

6. Quality of the "Absolution" provided during the process:

• Satisfactory (Standard mercy).

• Insufficient (I still feel a slight weight in my conscience).

• Excessive (I suspect an unauthorized leak of Divine Grace).

• Not applicable (I was extinguished before the absolution reached my file).

7."Would you be interested in participating in our next pilot test? (Scheduled for the mid-2026 Five-Year Plan)"

• Yes. I consider extinction an honor and a professional opportunity.

• Only if God supervises the file.

• No. I would prefer to remain as a 'Redundancy' (Humanity).

Data processed by Brother Juan de la Vega. Please answer clearly. Remember: your current perception of the Truth may vary, but the structure of this database is eternal. Faith is not required to complete this form, but knowledge of Classical Aramaic is highly recommended.

We apologize for the inconvenience.