Cousins and Chaos

Oh, what now? After seeing to the creation of the baths and dealing with some of the stronger personalities in the family, I needed another bath. After descending the agate steps, I swam underwater for a moment, and when I broke the surface of the water with my head back to sweep my hair off my face, I saw Hermes’s Camaro of the sky careening through the air with Circe and Calypso as charioteers. I exited my bath and strode through my chambers to my innermost room, the one where I kept my technological devices and called over to Elysium and alerted the constable what was incoming and to send my cousins back to the palace before I sent the furies to fetch them back to the immortal realm.

I returned to the porch and cold spring, where Hermes was pointing at his chariot and cussing up a storm. Good lord, Aphrodite was in a sage-colored string bikini that left absolutely nothing to the imagination, retaining an air of mystery by sole virtue of the enormous Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses obscuring half her face beneath a wide-brimmed sun hat. Ares was rubbing pomegranate oil on her back while she stretched luxuriously into his touch. The scathing look I gave them brought them out of their mutual worship of Aphrodite’s body for a moment.

Time to put my brother’s skills to work. I called a vine and swung out over the deepest part of the spring, dropping into the water with an enormous splash, effectively gaining Hermes’s attention.

“Tell the story of when Hera sent you on that errand to a mortal divorce court,” I instructed. “Make sure those two can hear you.” I nodded towards Ares, whose hands were now on Aphrodite’s supple thighs.

“What about my chariot?”

“What about it? If you had parked it across the Styxx as instructed, they couldn’t have taken it. This is a you problem, not a me problem.”

“Even if they make it to Elysium?”

“It’s taken care of on that end. How about you try governing yourself so I can focus on governing everything else down here? Or maybe you’d like to spend a day assisting Sisyphus or fetching water for the Danaids?”

Hermes scowled at me, which at least meant he was taking me seriously. “Tell the story about the Duke and Duchess of Argyll. Feel free to embellish. Hell, pretend you’re Homer and Mark Twain’s love child while you tell it. I’ll send Thalia and Calliope to assist you.”

As the words left my mouth, the hotrod chariot backfired like a cannon in the sky, ejecting Circe and Calypso. Hermes’s howl of laughter got Cerberus going, infecting the entire assembly with raucous hilarity. I shook my head and considered the latest problems temporarily solved, although it still seemed wise to direct Hephaestus elsewhere before he saw his wife sunbathing with his rivals.

Normally, I would send Hermes to fetch Hephaestus to me, but I believe in leading by example, so I delivered my message myself. I found him on the south lawn near the warm springs, sifting soil through his fingers and taking notes in his journal. Hmm, I wondered what he discovered in my dirt.

Hephaestus rose to his feet as I approached, absolutely beaming. “Queen Persephone, I am delighted by the composition of your soil here! So rich with minerals!”

“I’m so glad it pleases you. I know it’s exciting, but can I call you away from your study to assist me with a small problem?”

“The chariot? Yeah, I expected Hermes to be the one who came running to me about that. Is he too busy making mischief to be concerned about it, or was he simply pleased with the anti-theft mechanism I installed?”

I looked on him with mirth. “Anti-theft mechanism? I believe ‘theft abort system’ would be a more accurate description.”

Hephaestus drug a foot across the ground in front of him, eyes scanning the disturbed soil and calculating composition, “Nah, anyone will try again on a chariot that won’t start. But one that throws you out of it mid flight? Even our relatives are unlikely to do that more than once.”

“Fair point. If Hermes had parked it on the far banks of the Styxx, there’d be no need. Perhaps you’ll do me a solid and leave it there when you finish repairing it. Or wait to repair it, whichever suits you. Take Paean with you—you know how Calypso is.”

“No problem, but I don’t want Apollo tagging along. He has an uncanny ability to complicate the simplest tasks, and we don’t need some poor soul in Asphodel catching his eye. Also wouldn’t do for him to cross paths with Cassandra.”

I saw the glimmer of blue beneath the loam Hephaestus just resituated with his foot and knelt down to brush more of the dirt aside. It looked like lapis.

“I can mark this spot for you to save time when you return. Would a rubber tree be helpful in your work?”

“Most definitely. Thank you for thinking of it.”

I dug my hands into the soil, briefly getting a flash of when I met my husband, our fingers finding each other in the dirt surrounding Daphne, on the banks of Peneus’s favorite river. That first contact had been electric. A mound of violets materialized and burst into bloom around my hands, and Hephaestus took a step back as the roots of the tree began to form, a sturdy trunk rising from my patch of purple before branching into the sky and unfurling fresh green leaves.