Brunch And Baths

I had Circe and Hecate put the hangover potion in punch bowls throughout the palace. The kitchen staff put little buffets around each cauldron of elixir: pomegranate bread, yogurt, honey, cheese, and berries. We’d had enough togetherness last night to last at least half a Selene cycle, and everyone seemed more relaxed in smaller groups, so I instructed the kitchen to simply add to the buffets throughout the day and leave the great hall empty.

Or so I thought. My stupid brother and Dionysus had set up camp and were plying the nymphs with pomegranate mimosas and planning a road trip to Elysium.

“Absolutely not. No one is to visit the mortal realms without my permission.” I smacked Hermes upside his mullet. “Have you lost your mind? Every brother, sister, cousin, niece, and nephew in this divine family will want to check on one mortal or another.”

The nymphs scattered, and Dionysus rose slowly, finishing his drink before sauntering down from my dais and taking my hand.

“My beautiful queen, if your bed gets lonely with Hades up on Olympus, I would be delighted to keep you company.”

Did he think I didn’t know his reputation? I smacked my brother again and told him to park his chariot on the other side of the Styxx and leave it there. Maybe I could get Hephaestus to disable the tacky thing for me. Probably necessary—Hermes had always preferred forgiveness to permission.

I pulled the doors closed when I was sure the room was empty and called my vines to secure them.

I checked on all of the common areas first and found myself burdened with Apollo, who was getting on my nerves, following me around like a puppy, questioning the wisdom of everything. I finally sent him to check on Athena. If she couldn’t make him shut up, no one could, and she would forgive me in time.

Artemis came in from the woods with a deer slung over her shoulders. I directed her around back to the butchery before she dripped blood on the porch.

By the time Helios’s shadow was overhead, I wondered if the underworld was big enough for all of us. I eventually gave up trying to keep Cerberus on his leash. The muses were especially fond of him, and he loved the simultaneous belly rubs and ear scratches, so I was content to leave him in their care.

I downed another glass of Hecate’s potion before checking on Aphrodite, betting on some fresh insanity in the southern wing of the palace. Good grief, it looked like my cousins were attempting these mortal games on the back lawn to attract Aphrodite’s attention. She was completely oblivious to them, draped over a fainting couch, visibly suffering with her hangover. Suddenly, I knew what was coming.

The rose velvet complemented her beautifully, as did the entire room which was now various shades of pink and rose.

“The flowers aren’t helping,” she moaned.

No wonder—all of those cloying roses would give anyone a headache. But I knew what where she was going.

“Perhaps a soak in your bath would offer some relief.”

There it was. I may not have mentioned that my bath is the most heavenly space in existence, all of the elements brought together in one setting. Hephaestus and Hades saw to that—Hephaestus forged the gold, silver, copper, and platinum used to set the stones Hades chose for me. The lapis, sodalite, turquoise, and blue agates are my favorite, and they are so beautiful in their raw state, ribbons of ore running here and there so a piece of lapis is highlighted by pyrite and quartz, giving my bath depth and luminosity that do not exist in the mortal world. The Mediterranean and Caribbean Seas are shabby imitations at best. Poseidon himself is jealous of it.

If I allowed Aphrodite a soak today, she would expect to frequent my chambers, and I couldn’t have that. I needed to create a communal bath or three for my relatives; else, they would invade my sanctuary. I was thankful that I brought a glass of Hecate’s helichrysum elixir and offered it.

“Cousin, I have something even better for you.” I gave her the glass. “Hecate and Circe spent the morning brewing a potion and making a salve.”

She eyed me skeptically, then rose from the chaise in all of her splendor and drank the potion. Her skin regained its rosy glow almost immediately, and her hair fell out of disarray into comely waves flowing around her face, emerald eyes gaining depth and flecks of gold with deep blue radiating in striations from her pupils.

“And a bath?” Really? The gaze from under her lashes? Did she think I was Hermes or Dionysus?

“Sorry, ‘Ditey, but I’ll have something suitable soon. I can’t open my chambers to anyone. Hades specifically said so.” He did no such thing, but the rumors of his ferocity, false though they may be, were sufficient to lean into “Hades said so,” when necessary.

When I left her chamber, instead of going to the library to check on Athena, I sought Achelous and the naiads. I recruited Hecate and Circe along the way, promising them an afternoon and evening of leisure once this task was completed.

We discussed how many baths would be necessary to keep the peace, deciding on three: one from a hot spring, one from a cold spring, and one from a warm spring.

We decided to put the cold spring bath adjacent to the porch—my aqueous kin created a large, turquoise-tinted bath with natural stone steps leading into it. By the time it was complete, Hermes had returned from moving his chariot and began hosting what he called a pool party.

I chose the courtyard for the hot spring—no way was I installing indoor baths for nymphs to frolic in after the family left. I still didn’t understand why everyone was here; I had fully expected all of them to amuse themselves by making mischief in the mortal world as non-sass commentary about being thrown out of Zeus Tower on Olympus. I swear, my father is sometimes more foolish than the most simple mortals, valuing height over depth. I shook my head and laughed to myself as I recalled the conversation Poseidon and I had about that.

I had an inkling that the warm spring would be the most popular one, so it needed to be the most expansive. Calypso’s island had a series of pools leading to her palace, though they were brackish, not branch water. I asked the naiads to consult with her and create a network of similar pools, varying in temperature, down the slope of the south lawn, where the fields of Asphodel were visible in the distance.

Everyone could play Goldilocks until they found their perfect bath.