You Will Find Love Again

Sometimes it happens. Out of no where... You just fall in love. I never thought I would love again. But I did and I'm so glad I did. Eight months ago I was in the worst position possible. My children's father was doing anything possible to get high. DSS was called.

I went from from hiding my kids in a closet to comfortably sleeping with them in a bed. I met the love of my life six months ago. It was my brother's friend. He turned into my best friend. I would do absolutely anything for him.

Eight months ago, I was living four hours away. Trapped in a situation I never believed I would be in. Four hours away from my whole family and all my friends. I had no one besides my kids. I was living with their father, but I was still all alone. I was the only one providing. I would go on grocery trips alone with three kids, doctors appointments, and I was the only one who would take them to do anything.

It just wasn't fair to me to be with a man who did absolutely nothing. I was never physically abused, but I was definitely in some emotional torture. One morning I came to the realization that he always hid his pants from from the night before tucked under the bed. So I decided to pull out his pants pockets to see what he was hiding. A big bag of white powder. It looked like glass. I did some research on the internet and sure enough, he had like 300 dollars worth of methemphetamine. We got kicked out of the house we were living in and moved in with his friend. Not even three weeks, later DSS was knocking on our door. I was so afraid I told all the kids to get in the closet and we pretended we were not there.

The next few days of my life I lived in pure fear. I was completely sober; it's not ok for my kids to get taken from me when I'm doing everything in my power to make sure my kids were safe, they were always fed and taken care of. I would be devastated even spending one day away from my kids. What if they got taken away? They would be traumatized. I would be traumatized. Four days later I made the call... I had my aunt come pick us up and I haven't been back since. A few days later I got a call from a correctional facility, he had been locked up.

On the way back to my hometown, I was so hurt. I kept thinking how much I was going to miss him, how much my kids were going to miss him. How heart broken they were going to be to no longer have their father in their lives. I kept thinking who would ever want a single mother with three kids.

We got home, got settled and life did move on even though I didn't think it would. One day my brother, cousin, and sister in law kept trying to get me to hang on with this guy that they knew really well. I had never met him, so I kept brushing it off. I didn't want to meet someone and fall for someone who would just leave me or feel like my kids were a burden. I was starting to feel so lonely. The kids were driving me mad. My mom agreed to keep the kids one night so I could go out for the night and relax, just take a break.

I ended up at my brothers house with my brother and sister in law and a few friends. The guy that they had been trying to get me to hang out with had texted and asked what I was up to. Everyone kept telling me to just let him come over. Of course I said no. Then I started thinking, why not? Maybe nothing would ever come of it, he would be the first guy I hung out with since leaving. Who cares if nothing came of it. I'd be ok, but I was just so nervous After a couple glasses of wine to chill my nerves (LOL) I decided to text back. I told him where I was and asked if he wanted to hang out. It took him a few minutes to respond and my heart was pounding! He responded with, "I'm on the way." I instantly regretted telling him to come over because I was so afraid and nervous.

When he texted me and asked me for the gate code I knew this was real. I was about to hang out with someone else for the first time in six years. I was so overwhelmed I locked myself in the room with the cat, hahah! Took me about 15 minutes to come out that room. I was so shy and my heart was beating in over drive. He was so smiley! So cute and oh so sweet. I was sure it was a front. He asked me to ride to the gas station with him so I did and we talked. We shared our first kiss that night! I will remember that kiss for the rest of my life. He was unlike anyone I had ever met. But I was still sure it was just a front.

We went on a few dates after that night. He was so much fun, so kind, the type to open the door! Never had I met a guy to open the door for me. I started to fall, and fall hard. Six months later this guy is my best friend. He is for sure the love of my life. The way he treats my kids is absolutely amazing. He takes us places, he buys them things, I get roses and least twice a month. He would never let us go without. I watched him dance with my kids at a wedding the other day, it was absolutely breath taking.

I know there are probably plenty of single mothers out there afraid to take a chance, afraid to love again, afraid to find them selves heart broken over and over again. Please, please don't stay bottled up in your emotions. It may not work out the first time, or the second, or the tenth, but there are good men out there—I have one. My kids didn't deserve the lives they use to live and neither did I. We deserve the life we are living now. No more hiding in closets, no more asking why Daddy dont love us. Now we have unconditional love!

He will never know how thankful I am for him. He will never know how happy I am he walked into our lives. He will never know how much I love him. Thank you... Thank you for everything. Thank you for being my best friend and the best father to our kids!