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You’re Not Going To Say or Do that are you?

by Gillian Lesley Scott 11 months ago in friendship

People, we need to stop the ego battles, particularly over small misunderstandings

It’s that time of year again when I revisit why I hate Christmas Parties. I never used to hate them, but a few years ago I had a strong gut feeling there was one I should not attend.. however I was part of a close knit I went. I really wanted to leave the whole time I was there.. it wasn’t a celebration to me, more of a wake, our close knit team was splitting up... I didn’t leave though... and that was a mistake. The first domino fell in a massive falling out, and as I’ve since observed it was all completely avoidable. People being who they are ...once that first domino fell ... things just got worse and worse...


In the heat of an argument deep down what you really want to say is... “I actually don’t want you go ...” but that’s not what you say ...what you say is “piss off”, and you throw in a couple of nasty threats for good measure. The threats carry no weight but that doesn’t make it any easier to hear. It only makes recipient of this “charm” want to stay away.


What you really want to do is sit down and have a chat, there are a few crossed wires that need untangled, and look, maybe you won’t be able to untangle them but you really want to at least try... that’s what you WANT to do... what you ACTUALLY do is delete their number and remove them from all your social media platforms.


Pretty much everyone has been caught up in something like this at some time or another. Friendships , relationships... differing viewpoints around controversial topics... assumptions (the slow dripping poison to all manner of connections) , not being given a chance to talk, but in the event that you do get that chance ...not really being heard. Alternatively it’s possible that listening is happening but not hearing the actual meaning behind the words.


It really makes me feel very fed up that I am an intelligent interesting person with full understanding of these issues.... I should have been able to avoid being a victim, but I didn’t. I walked right into such a debacle where the opposite of what I truly wanted to do was my choice of action. Who knows why ...I had plenty to say ... so much in fact. So of course logically I said nothing.


It actually might have become an all out war if I had spoken. All I know is it’s very true what they say’s a waste of time trying to explain things to others they will only hear what they think is being said and react at their level of understanding. I know I did that’s taken half a decade to realise what might actually have been said...


And that’s because of how it was said ... it was delivered drenched in condescension and with no opening for dialogue. That was the killer for me..I found that I wasn’t going to be able to work with that .. having no voice. It made me feel that the friendship’s days were numbered. And one sure way to ensure that was going to be the case is to start believing it.

But you hear things on the grapevine.. and the things that you hear go some way to supporting the view.. that we do the opposite of what we really want to do just to protect ourselves, without realising what these people really mean to us.


By the time the burn has subsided, that meaning has drained away. It’s another aspect of our human nonsense, for our “protection “ we recall and amplify the crap and the lunacy... it’s almost as if all the positives never really happened and they were a dream.


How people make you feel is how you feel about them, ultimately. BUT if people actually did or said what deep down they REALLY wanted to, there would be, I’m convinced a lot less hurt involved. It may be you would drift away from each other... but never having made one another feel bad, remember each other positively.

Isn’t that a nice Holiday thought?


Gillian Lesley Scott

Scots born Australian. Tales of being human. Despite aiming for the highest good of all, not always successful

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