You're not a bad person for this

Reassurance for the doubt from personal experience

You're not a bad person for this

We all want to be a good, dependable friend. There are enjoyable aspects in the moments of camaraderie. But if a certain situation happens, there is a questioning in oneself to make sure that this person is cared for and loved. But if something changes, that causes doubt to the kindess we thought was enough. The question of, "Am I a good person?" comes up. I've had it happen to myself because I am a kind person, and I want what is best for my friends. When I had a friend that was having a bad time, I took it serious because I was chosen to be this person's help for guidance. Then in time, I felt terrible when I didn't want to help someone because I had my own problems to deal with or I see that this person was having a re-occurring problem that they may have to face on their own. If I see a social media update about their mental health or a text message saying the same problem. I would feel terrible that I couldn't help because I had to stay back.

It is OK to help people get back on their feet or be in their corner. It's not OK if this friend is continuing to smother you of your own mental health to have help for their own. You are your own person and they need to be as well.

Keep in mind, I am no psychologist, I barely qualify for a Dr. Phil standard level of doctorate psychiatry (mustache not included) I am simply someone who has endured anxiety problems that has hindered my heart. Now I have a clearer mind and I want to share what I have learned.

You are not a bad person to not care about every little problem that comes your way

I had already addressed this in my opening, but I wanted to expand this, and make this my first point.

I've been someone that some of my friends go to for help, I do what I can to listen earnestly, and my extend a carefully crafted answered to a specific problem. I offer my help to let them know they aren't alone in the world since I know what that feels like.

On the latter, they have to work out some problems on their own with the advice that was given. It could just be that advice was taken and not used to pertain to the problem and only shoved off because it wasn't deemed to be good enough or accurate to the person. I've had to accept that some people won't really absorb and consider the answer I've given. My answer might not be the right one for them.

I used to constantly care about their welfare, but as soon as it was the same problem that came up, or minor selfish problems, I started to lose my sympathy. I grew irritated and tired to be called upon for help and then in turn, it wasn't treated the same way when I had a problem. Thinking that, it would have me in turmoil to wonder if I have become bitter.

As much as I want to tell a friend of mine why this problem of theirs continues when I have the answer, (either I have said it on deaf ears or left it unsaid) they'll have to find it out for themselves I had to tell myself that their problems are not my problems.

There is a faith you can have in someone as they have a faith in you. But, they will have to stand on their own two feet and navigate their own problems.

You are not a bad person to outgrow someone

Recently, I had to make the decision to evaluate my friendships. Some of them I had to address my concerns for change in the hopes of rekindling to a healthy friendship. Some I had to go ahead and jump the (friend) ship on a couple of them.

If they're reckless and immature, you don't have to put up with that. It could be that they do mean well and they are harmless, but they might have some maturing to do. Maybe they'll have to that on their own without your presence.

If the conversations aren't the same, and the flow of fun doesn't have that same happiness. It's time to move on.

They could be living in the past, and you've grown from the former days that don't follow into your future. It's tough to break that connection but it's just time to be moving on.

You can be a different person, and so can they. It just wasn't meant to watch each other grow on the timeline.

You are not a bad person to take a different path in your life

Some people fight to have that place in your life, it's not like your leaving them in the dust to be forgotten. Like those memories don't mean anything, they do, they'll be cherished. Paths take us to different places either internally on our self-discoveries or to an actual place where we have to go next.

We have our changes and some people won't be apart of those changes.

You can do what you want and they can do what they want.

We never know where life takes and what transforms us. That road is separate or that road can be joined at a later time in life when things are good again. Then the journey can begin again with hearts with less bearing burdens.

You are not a bad person to stand your ground

I used to be stepped on by people so much I still have the shoe prints on my face and back.

It's hard to bring up a hard topic that has festered for so long that you start to feel like your gonna scream and destroy things like Adam Sandler in Punch-Drunk Love.

Whether it's friendships or acquaintances, if something rubs you the wrong way in an offensive way. That's not what people dub as 'being too sensitive'. Which isn't the case, no one should find a severe personal attack funny. Addressing someone takes a lot to courage to call someone out on what they did that was uncalled for.

I've had moments where I became the hated one in an instant, knowing the odds were against me.

Don't feel bad that you don't sacrifice your own principals.

You are not a bad person to want to hang out with a different crowd

If there is someone that you gravitate towards in a parallel of peace, and you enjoy hanging out with this other person, it doesn't mean you are going to purposely make the other feel small and meaningless, it has always been an equality in friendship.

We all vibe differently with other individuals. When I was getting out there to find friends, I tested the waters by hanging out with people I didn't have the confidence to talk to in the past.

It's always exciting to meet new people, it's a rare thing, especially nowadays.

I'm an old soul, so I normally vibe with people with nostalgic tastes in media, have have a yearn to learn new things, and I tend to relax around others that can have a deep and meaningful conversation.

My tastes have shifted from constantly loving anime and cosplay to gravitating towards writing, various films, and other creative communities.

When I had to reveal that conventions and anime were not my thing anymore, some of my friends were very dramatic about my shift in hobbies. Even though it is my own choices, that should not be their concern of my paths.

It's OK to disconnect on topics with long time friend if that connection can transcend beyond minor things. It's OK to disconnect on some topics and events.

Just as long as it not the same ordeal that Danny did to Sandy on Grease. That's not cool to do to someone, don't be like Danny Zuko.

You are not a bad person to withdraw from someone that wants to be friends with you.

This is going to be a tough one to explain carefully, but I'll try my best.

the song, Why Can't We Be Friends comes to mind just now as a prime example of wanting to reach out and wonder why there can't be a friendship. Sometimes people just don't mingle or vibe together as much as one would think. True, there is a high regard that someone has for you. But you are the one that has the control of who comes in your circle. I used to welcome anyone into my circle of comrades but after some people I have encountered that rubbed me the wrong way, I had to be a bit careful. When that gut feeling is there, I listen to it.

I use the Dr. Seuss story The Sneetches, for a plethora of examples when I explain what seclusion feels like or to be pushed out. But this time I'm using the story as an example of not accepting someone. Not because of malicious intentions but because that connection isn't there as the reasoning for putting up a boundary. There isn't a rule that says you have to be someone's friend automatically or you have to continue to give someone a chance even though that connection isn't there. Despite the fact they want so much to be close to you.

I used to think I was such a terrible person for stepping back from people that kept wanting to talk to me or hang out with me. In reflection, it gave me time to process if this was someone that I wanted as a friend. Maybe it just means they are more of a casual acquaintance then a friend.

Conclusion

You are allowed to feel bad for various circumstances to care about, but you are your own person. Your own mental health and inner welfare needs to be as important as the care you give.

Don't feel bad that you can't give enough to one person. You have to have some love for yourself.

Positive changes doesn't make you a bad person.

Please take care of yourself.

Stay safe and healthy.

friendship
Samantha Parrish
Samantha Parrish
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Samantha Parrish

I'm here to teach you something new or expand your mind in a neutral aspect.

Instagram: parrishpassages

Oh and I wrote a book called, Inglorious Ink.

See all posts by Samantha Parrish