You Are My Favorite 'What If'

Today is my birthday… I have been breathing air for 24 years. Crazy to believe I’ve actually made it this far. I’ve experienced 24 years of utter happiness, tears, regret, and confusion. Not many people can say they have experienced the things I have, but I never would have experienced anything if I didn’t do the things I did. I would still be sitting quietly in the background, letting life pass me by.

I think I really started going after what I wanted when I was 18 years old. I finished high school and realized all I did was try to make others happy. All I did was be a pushover, I was too afraid to go after what I want. After keeping to myself as much as possible, I finally started doing what I want once I graduated. I started college in the fall and after being in school for a couple months I finally met a boy. A boy I fell uncontrollably in love with. He was my first everything. He set the standard for me. He treated me exactly how every girl should be treated but eventually that came to an end. Of course, I destroyed it. I let my emotions tear our relationship apart.

It all started at the end of November. My best friend knew him from work and asked if I would want to see his band play. She thought we would be perfect for each other. Turns out she was right; for awhile, at least. Right when I walked into the bar, my eyes were on him. He was playing the bass and was phenomenal at it. His passion was breathtaking. He stood a tall 6’5 and had light brown hair. He wore a professional white button up shirt with the sleeves crinkled and rolled up as well as worn out blue jeans. He perfected his whole look with classic converse. I was hooked already and I hadn’t even talked to him yet. Once he finished his set, he immediately came over. I was trying my best to come off sexy and cool. That act soon ended when he introduced himself. He casually sat down next to me, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Hi, I’m Shawn. You must be Leah’s friend.” Feeling completely awkward, I didn’t know what to say at first. Was he just being polite or could he actually be interested in me?

“I’m Caroline,” I said. I took a long pause. “You were amazing on stage.” He blushed.

“I love what I do. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do since I was a child.” My eyes looked him up and down. Was I being too obvious that I was checking him out? I saw an upright bass tattooed on his forearm. I looked back at him; he was already staring at me. I felt a fire between us. “It’s OK, a lot people stare at my tattoo. An old friend of mine did it. Do you have any tattoos?” he said.

“No, I don’t but I want to get one someday. Not sure what I want yet but I definitely want something that means something special.” He listened intently.

“All tattoos mean something even if they are cliché. People get them for one reason or another. Doesn’t matter what others think of them. I’m sure you will get something that is great.” I blushed.

“I’m sorry, my friends are expecting me to meet them but it was really nice meeting you. I’ll see you around?” he said.

“I hope so.” He walked away turning around to wave goodbye.

Weeks went by and all I could think about was him. The way he smiled, the way he made me feel in such a small interaction.