Writing Our Own Love Story

My wife and I often do things very differently, often in reverse order. We understand what works for us individually and as a couple, and sometimes the work we put in seems weird and different from the average couple, but it works for us.

The honeymoon period is often described as a time in a relationship, often between 6-12 months, where the relationship reaches it's "peak" so to speak. The connection is at its highest frequency, the rest of the world seems to fade into the background and you're kind of oblivious to anything else, you're blinded by the light. Then, in the average relationship, things kinda of fizzle after this so called honeymoon period and the deeper layers that are exposed of each person can sometimes cause the relationship to end.

Jackie and I never really had a honeymoon period earlier in our relationship. It felt from the beginning of our relationship there were constant hurdles, constant issues, constant nitpicking and nastiness from the outside world. We shared many common interests, and were honestly into each other...but got into arguments about anything and everything. My anger was pretty hair trigger thanks to years of trauma, and I didn't have health insurance or enough extra money to get myself a regular therapist at the time either, so I was REALLY struggling with my emotions, mental health, trauma and more. Jackie was dealing with her own mental health issues and being closeted in a conservative family. It was hard, and some days we wondered if we'd be better off breaking up. In my toughest moments, she was there though. When I felt like a monster, she was the one who helped me see I was far from it. The more we went through together, the more we realized how perfect for each other we were. The more we wanted to grow individually helped us to grow together as well. We realized our issues weren't permanent, and we COULD work through them and become better people. In becoming better people, we could be a better couple together.

There's a lot of shame I am working through on a daily basis, of my past, of myself currently. I'm working through layers of judgement towards myself and from others and trying to find who I truly am, unashamed. Jackie has been an exceptional partner through all of it. When she didn't understand, she made every effort to do so. It's not easy, I will admit that. She's never really made me feel hard to love, even if we were in an argument. She made every effort to piece together the broken piece of me and glue them together with gold, like a human kintsugi pottery project. In turn, I've helped her stand tall in herself and not be ashamed of who she is. She's working hard on not being so hard on herself and others and I see the light in her grow on a daily basis. I see her float through life rather than sink and together we're flying in ways we never have before.

I feel like we're in our own Honeymoon period, but it's not just a period. We're in a blissful state of understanding, even when hard things are thrown at us we work through them together. I always tell Jackie that I'm trying hard to really think about what I want to say, instead of just reacting, and she is doing the same. Sometimes just thinking before you speak can really solve a world of hurt, as well as admitting when you just reacted with emotion instead of really knowing what you wanted.

Jackie is the person I can truly be myself with, and I’m the most comfortable around. People ask if we ever get tired of spending so much time together, and if we need loads of space…but to be perfectly honest? No, I put down all my walls around Jackie. As an autistic person I don’t have to mask or pretend to be anything I’m not. It’s not exhausting to be around her, it’s my safe space. I’d rather sit at home playing video games with her then go out clubbing with random people anyway. We’ve worked hard to be a safe space for each other, so I treasure every moment we have together.