Wicked Witch of the West

Sometimes no matter how pure your intentions are...you find yourself having to bend over and take it up the back end.

I found myself recently in a situation as this before I finally decided enough was enough and put an end to it. Sometimes you have to realize what to take a stand for and what to let go. Sometimes that's harder done than said. Sometimes life just throws you a curve ball...or a wild pitch that leaves you blind-sided, dazed, confused and pissed.

Sometimes you have to realize when to cut your losses. Sometimes you have to know when to let go. That, no matter how much you may love someone, it doesn't mean a fucking thing. And this is any kind of love here. Romantic. Platonic. Or the love of a parent to a child.

Now this boy to which I refer...well...he's not really a boy now...but he was a boy when it first started. A scared, sad and lost little boy. A boy that I was extremely close to. A boy that I, from the moment meeting him, considered him mine.

It's sad to see such potential wasted. It's worse when the person wastes it themselves in order to create misery for themselves.

So this boy grows up in and out of foster care and for seven years I lost contact with him. The story of the last day I saw him (which I have shared on here) has haunted me since. The not knowing if he was okay. If he were being hurt or mistreated. Or if he were even alive. And that hurt enough, combined with the grief of not having him, was so intense that I tried not to even think about him.

Just before he turned eighteen he had found me on Facebook and we began talking. I couldn't believe how tall he had gotten and my joy at hearing from him...it's hard to articulate.

The joy, however, was short-lived and bitter-sweet. In December of 2019 I get a call from him. It was a Sunday. He's crying and begging me to allow him to come live here with my wife and I.

When I say that he was close to death when he got here isn't an exaggeration. He was living in a tent (in Texas) with no access to food. He's diabetic and hadn't had a regular supply of insulin in months...he was in bad shape.

So we take him in. We take him in as if he was ours. Because I had always considered him so. The time apart didn't diminish that.

A year and a half later, he leaves. Today. May 2, 2021.

We're just slave drivers, apparently. Here's why:

He was living at my house for free. No bills. I paid for his phone. His medicine. His food. His clothes. Everything he needs while at the same time trying to teach him how to be a functional adult...he missed these lessons in foster care.

Now, let me say this. While he is, chronologically, twenty years old, he's not. Because of trauma as a child, his brain did not develop as a normal child's would. His emotional and mental growth is stunted. This does not mean he is autistic. He's simply younger than he actually is. Emotionally, he's about eleven. Mentally, he's about fifteen.

So, we begin trying to teach him how to be an adult. How to clean. How to cook. How to manage money. We own our business and gave him a job.

None of that mattered. He wanted to lie...and he was a terrible liar...("The dish is soaking in the cabinet. That's why it's in there dirty...) He wanted to live here for free and feel like he didn't have to lift a finger to help. That he didn't have to have consequences or take responsibility for his actions and inactions. He wanted to treat my wife and I like shit and take advantage of what we were doing. He wanted to be disrespectful of us and do whatever he wanted...well...

Today he didn't get what he wanted and threw a fit a left.

And here is where I say...sometimes it doesn't matter. You can do everything you can to help someone. You can try and guide them and love them and help them...but if they don't want help...there's nothing you can do. If they don't want to change and grow...there's nothing you can do.

This is not your fault. You didn't not do enough. You've heard the saying "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink it"...well...it's a cliché, but it's true.

And he didn't want to help himself. He wanted to create ways to throw pity parties. He wanted to create drama so he would have a reason to feel like his life was shitty. He wanted everyone else to point his finger at and blame for his problems on so he could continue with his victim mentality.

And it struck me, and not for the first time, that some people can't be helped. Some people can't be saved. And sometimes...sometimes you have to walk away. Sometimes you have to give yourself the credit that you tried, while also understanding that...just because you couldn't get through to another, doesn't mean that that is a failure on your part.

You can fight and bleed for someone...you can sacrifice yourself, your sanity and it will matter not. Because sometimes, despite your best intentions, people will just use you. They will walk all over you for as long as you give them the opportunity.

This boy wasn't my kid. I didn't birth him nor was I ever able to legally adopt him. But we took him in. And we tried. And for me...that'll have to be enough. He simply doesn't want to change. He wants his entitlement that the big, bad world owes him because he had a bad childhood.

Get over yourself, kid. Everyone has a sob story. Me. You. The stranger at the grocery store. That's not an excuse to not do anything. It's not an excuse to be a lazy, good-for-nothing, disrespectful, selfish, liar. It's not an excuse to take advantage of the people trying to help you.

It's a reason to overcome your past. It's a reason to prove everyone that has ever nay-say your name wrong. It's a reason to do what needs to be done so you can look back and say HA! to everyone who said you couldn't.

And that's the problem isn't it? It's so much easier to point the blame at everyone else.

Do he think adults don't have rules to follow? Does he think adults don't have to clean their homes or wash their dishes? I don't know what he thinks. But apparently because of this we're slave drivers who are just mean and unfair...

The world is unfair. The world is cruel. The world doesn't give a shit and she doesn't owe anyone a damn thing. And the sooner people realize this, the better off society will be.

So here's to all of us who have tried. To those that got through and to those that didn't. Raise your glass and toast. You did what you could. Sometimes you just have to accept that. And that whatever the outcome might have been, it wasn't your fault if you couldn't get through.

Keep going. Keep trying. Because sometimes...sometimes you can get through.