Why You Shouldn't Let Your Relationship Become Your Entire Life
We've all been there.
At the moment, my friend is in a relationship with a girl in my class, and have been for around four months. I'm very happy for them (they had both been through horrible breakups in the past, and are both very lovely people), but throughout these few months, they have slowly become obsessed with each other.
Now don't get me wrong, a bit of clinginess is fine. In fact, it's good to want to see your partner or talk to them often. But sometimes, things get out of hand.
For example, a boy in my grade is having a party this weekend, and a lot of my grade was invited, including myself, this couple, and some other friends.
I was scrolling through the Whatsapp group chat, to see who had messaged to say they were coming, when I noticed that both of these friends had left the group. Confused, I messaged one of them, who explained that his parents had decided to not let him go, and since his girlfriend didn't want him to be lonely, she was going to skip the party to hang out with him.
That's nice, right?
Not when they've done this for the last couple of months.
They have both skipped different events because they wanted to hang out and have lied to us about it, they have skipped events because the other person wasn't going to be attending, and they hang out every weekend and constantly cancel on us.
In the beginning, this was fine. They want to hang out, that's perfectly understandable. But after a while, it got a bit annoying.
Every conversation I have with one of them is about the other person, normally them describing what happened when they hung out in incredible detail, and they barely listen to me.
Over these last few months, I have watched their ideas, personalities, and opinions intertwine until they are basically the same person. This makes it incredibly frustrating to have a conversation or debate with them.
Here are a few reasons why you should sometimes not become too obsessed with your partner, and a few solutions to these problems:
1. It makes heartbreak hurt more.
Heartbreak is a horrible thing to happen in any relationship. If you become obsessed with your partner and let them become the main reason for your happiness, heartbreak will eventually hurt you harder than normal.
Solution: Make your partner one of the reasons, not the sole reason, for your happiness. Gain pleasure from other things, such as your friends, hobbies, and family.
2. You become scared to voice your opinions.
When you're desperate to keep a partner, you'll do anything. If they have an opinion that differs from yours, instead of speaking up about it, you'll quietly agree, just so they don't get angry. I have witnessed this many times, and I'm guilty of this as well.
Solution: Be rational. No one is going to leave you simply because your opinion differs to theirs, and if they do, they probably weren't worth it in the first place. Suggest your opinion and have a casual debate with them. This is really fun and I spent the best times voicing opinions with my now ex-boyfriend.
3. You might abandon your friends.
As you hang out with your partner more and more, you'll find that you hang out with your friends less and less. This hurts on both sides. I have been the good-girlfriend stereotype and hung out with my partner more, and I have been the friend who receives an apologetic text message for the third time in a month.
Solution: Sometimes you just have to say "no" to your partner and invite your friends over to chill. Your partner won't mind, and if he makes a fuss, he isn't worth it.
When you're in a relationship, it's tricky to balance your partner, friends and your life, but balancing them all will generally make you happier and the relationship will be fulfilling and fun.