Why People Stay in Abusive Relationships
It can be hard to understand, but please have patience
Unfortunately, abusive relationships are a much bigger problem than we know of. No one thinks it'll happen to them, but it can happen to everyone, so it's important that we know how to support someone who's going through or healing from an abusive relationship.
It's hard to know what to say when someone's struggling, but please, whatever you do, don't ask them why they stayed with their abuser. It can be an extremely damaging question, and even if you don't mean to, it can feel like you're putting the blame on the victim rather than on the abuser. I fully understand that it can be difficult to grasp why someone stays in abusive situations, so here are a few reasons to why. This is not a conclusive list, and please keep in mind that everyone's situation is different.
Lack of relationship experience
If someone lacks experience, it can be harder for them to identify what's normal and what isn't. If they don't know what to expect, they might not realise that their situation is way beyond what's acceptable. We don't learn about healthy relationships at school, and it's more of a learn as you go process. Unfortunately it isn't always a straightforward one.
It can be embarrassing to tell people
The people around you generally expect your partner to be treating you well, so it can feel shameful or embarrassing to tell them that the person is actually abusive. It's not an easy thing to bring up, and sometimes one can feel stupid for being in such a situation, especially as a common response is "so why are you with them?".
Denial
No one wants to believe that it has happened to them. We hear about abusive relationships all the time, but they definitely fall in the category of things that "happen to other people". So if you end up in one, it can take a long time to fully acknowledge it and admit it to yourself and others.
They're manipulated or brainwashed
It's not uncommon that people are manipulated or brainwashed into thinking their relationship is okay, or that it is what they deserve and they should be content with it. A lot of people feel trapped in the relationship, and it can feel like they're not allowed to leave.
The relationship isn't all bad
Even though abusers are terrible people, they have good sides as well. Whenever they show off their lovable traits or are in a great mood, it can strangely enough be easy to forget the bad things they have done, and believe that it's gonna stay good from now on.
Attachment
Becoming attached to your partner or other factors around the relationship can make it harder to leave. It can be the person, their family, your living situation, whether you have kids or not or your financial situation making it harder to leave, among many other things.
Breaking up isn't an option
If someone's in a situation where they're manipulated into a relationship, they might not have the authority to make such a big decision for themselves. If the abuser has taken away their voice and is controlling them, they might not feel in charge, and it makes it hard to leave.
A breakup is a hassle
Sadly a breakup can for some people feel like it's gonna be too much. If their partner is aggressive, unstable or even mentally ill it can feel like it can cause a lot of drama that they simply don't have the energy for, and staying can feel like the easier option.
They think they can fix the abuser
This is a common belief that of course doesn't apply to every abusive relationship, but it does happen. Some people might be so unhappy with themselves that they take it out on others, and their victims think they can help them by staying with them and loving them.
Those were a few reasons, but I can't stress this enough: No reason is good enough to stay. If any of this applies to you, please, please do whatever you can to leave your relationship. It's not your fault that this has happened to you, and you deserve to be happy and to be safe from your abuser. No one is allowed to treat you badly. This person does not own you, and you fully have the right to leave. Seek help if you can.
No one should have to go through an abusive relationship, and we need to spread awareness and support people to make it easier to get out and heal from bad experiences. If you know anyone who's going through it, please reach out, be patient with them and do whatever you can to support them.
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About the Creator
Tone Breistrand
Hi there! I am a Norwegian writer living in London. I like to write about love, Disney and finding happiness.
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