Why is this Guy Giving Me Mixed Signals?

Dear Lex,

Why do men pretend they wanna date you, but when u tell him you like him he says he's already talking to someone else while acting like you guys are already dating.

Sincerely,

Anonymous

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Dear anonymous…

Well that is a good question but it sounds like the familiar story we have all dealt with titled "Mixed Signals"! First, I want to start off by saying that not all men do this, so I am sorry that the particular guy that you are dealing with is giving you issues in this way. It sounds like he enjoyed the privileges of having relationship perks with you but didn't want a title to tie him to you.

I believe that woman will treat men differently depending on how much they think they "owe" to that man. So if you are just flirting with someone and getting to know them in your free time, you won't give them the same version of yourself as you would to someone who you feel like or actually think you are dating. Some men want you to text back fast, only sleep with them, cater to them and engage with them just as much as you would as if you are dating them... So because of this, he will let you believe that the two of you are dating or make you feel that way as long as he doesn't have to say "You are my girlfriend". It would not even be a surprise to me if he has told you that he loves you or really likes you because until he says "You Are My Girlfriend"... you're not. That is why so many “old folks” try to tell us that women should not do wife behavior for men until we are married. It is a way of being cautious and making men realize that you have to commit to reap the benefits. If you cater to a man in every way without getting the title, he has no strings attached to you and can just up and leave at any moment. Then we are left to wonder… why did he give me mixed signals? Why did he lead me on? When I’m reality, we often times lead our selves on. We assume that gestures and quality time mean something more but they mean exact what they are: gestures and quality time. At any moment they are allowed to not talk to you all day, disappear or treat you like shit if that’s who they are.

The crazy thing is that, he could be talking to someone else OR he could just be giving you an excuse so that you won't ask him anything else about a relationship. It could be because of a fear of commitment; maybe he really is talking to someone else already or it could simple be because he doesn't want to date you. So then you are left to wonder, why won't he just leave you alone? I would assume that it is because you make him feel good or some type of way. If a man can keep you around, he will. Atleast until you become too much for him to handle or keep on the side.

However, if what you're looking for is a relationship, my advice would be to get away from him. Make it clear of what you want and what you expect from him and if he isn't willing to live up to those expectations, move on. Because frankly, he could have been honest with you from the beginning and let you know that he was not looking to get into a relationship with you... but he didn't. Why? Because he knew what he was doing.

Don't let it get you down. Plenty of fish in the sea that will keep it real from jump. In the future I would advise you to set boundaries. If you are at the point in your life where you are ready to settle down, make sure to make that a conversation next time. Do not let it be something that you bring up, say one thing about and let go. Make sure to get feedback so that you can have a clear understanding of where the two of you stand. This way, the signals will not be mixed and hopefully the two of you can land on the same page.

xoxo,

Lex

Ps to my readers.. all tips are greatly appreciated! Also, all advice submissions can be sent to my email and will be answered same day and posted the next.

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