Ripping off a bandage, stubbing your toe, getting a burn from a flaming hot pot. This is how it feels to leave a loved one. I have had many intimate connections, with people. Being close means that emotions are high, and trust is needed at every corner. It is those moments where your brain chooses the ones that you can be settled, yourself, and honest. Not a lot of people are chosen to have that delicate and necessary position. When your love language is quality time, or you have dealt with abandonment in your upbringing, leaving a spouse, friend, dog, or close connection of anytime can be a moment that tests your inner child.
Remember the feeling when you stub your toe. The initial slam that reverberates, the pain that rings so badly that you lose the ability to focus on any other issue. Then you may fall to the ground, grab your hands toward the toe. What is the natural remedy? You rub the pain until it slowly and naturally lingers away. What may be left are bruises, maybe a nail falls off or turns purple, or you have an ache. My advice for letting someone leave is that you need to trust a higher good. There is this notion about the greater tapestry of someone's life. There are experiences unseen that every person goes through. We are all organically protecting that inner being. Our bodies want to be well, they want to live and feel connection. As a social species, we are repulsed by rejection, taking as little emotional risks as possible or risking our true selves with a fake persona in order to mask our vulnerable selves. So yes, you have finally told this person that you want to spend most of your time with them. They tell you that they want you in their wedding, or you go back and forth about names of pretend future partners' names, you stay up late listening to music and drinking wine, or you play hours of tennis or soccer together. You think you are growing this bigger relationship to end all relationships.
So, even a chance of letting this end for a night. Letting the truth end, or the soul connection fade, it is scary. You are free to be scared. You are free to feel those uncomfortable feelings, the ones that keep you up, and make you think so hard about what happened. You know what you do when that panic arises? You have to say thank you to the fear. You notice the pain, you have to let yourself feel it, and then "rub" away your fear. There are techniques that you can do to make those go away or feel more manageable. Sometimes equating fear with other "higher" emotions. For me, I feel my best when I am moving! I rarely get a chance to dance alone, or blast my international pop music. That is why I like my morning drives where I can be in control of my metal "jet" and fly in speeds that my body could never. Whenever you feel these "fighter" emotions, let them overtake the scared parts of you.
The first word that comes to mind is MOVEMENT. This is the cure to my personal fear. Getting fresh air, taking my time out to be in nature letting the birds chirp, the crunch of brown and thin leaves. My breath is clearer, even the sweat feels good. It is like a good cry. Your body needs to remove these toxins. It needs to purify and recycle. So yes, you cannot forget the pain of something leaving. You can feel so overwhelmed when you think of that loved one waving, giving that last lingering glance. I have been there so many times. And when these relationships shift or end, you may feel confusion or like you could never get that special connection back. But the truth is that you do not forget, and you can learn from every connection. If you live longer, you can realize that it is enough that you were there for that person in that moment. You belonged. And you belong to yourself always.
Goodbye feels like an ending. It is an ending of a moment, but nothing that matters to you truly ends. When your mission is to enjoy every moment with those that you love that goodbye can just be a see you later. That urge to connect can be filled in many ways. But you can be your greatest ally. Make three things that you enjoy that combat the fear of losing someone. For me, it would be listening to my hype-up music (specifically "Django Jane" by Janelle Monae!), move or stretch your body (go for a run, try to sit and touch your toes, and feel your body), and lastly, when it gets too hard, reach out for help! If you feel like you have no one, you can text: HOME to 741741. This is the Crisis Text Line. You have so many choices to live happier everyday! Create life, create love, and connect with more people!
Much Love To My Readers <3