Why I'm ok with my former friend ghosting me

For Privacy (maybe legal) reasons I can't put a name on here. I'll just call him FB (former bestie) or he/him.

If he is reading this there will be a message at the end of this so, hang tight.

I got ghosted by my best friend. There wasn't really a fight or anything. I got frustrated with him and told him why then that was it. For a while I wondered why but then I did some thinking about who he was, what he did and what he said, and I realized I was better off.

So, we had issues and disagreements, I was ok with for a while, but I realized he was dead inside, and I was emotional. I don't say any of this lightly or in haste or out of anger. I also don't say any of this just because I'm mad or bitter. He would do or say something and when I got mad and said something he would just respond with "I can't deal with you when you're being a bitch". There were several times I almost told him if he thought that way, we shouldn't be friends. There were other insults and mean things he said but I won't go blow by blow just the highlights.

FB's major issue is playing the victim and never taking responsibility for his hand in the problem. The kicker is that he always wanted everyone to take responsibility for what they did. He also wanted people to be adults and have difficult conversations even though he couldn't be bothered to do so himself. If he had taken his own advice, I would have admitted to what I did during our last interaction. I would have probably also treated him differently.

After our last interaction I thought about what he said happened in relation to his last relationships and friendships. I thought about all of the what ifs. One of the main things he said was two of his exes told him they didn't want anything to do with him. Women don't just say "I don't want anything to do with you". If they say that, you messed up. It can be something as simple as you miss spoke at the wrong time. It could also be something as serious as you are cheating or being abusive. There's a scale of mess ups that guys need to learn. Everything can be a land mine when you don't know what you are doing. Yes, the woman could be just saying that she doesn't want anything to do with you just because it was a breakup.

In two of his last relationships, he would never admit to what he did wrong. Yes, he would occasionally say that he wasn't perfect, but he wouldn't say stuff like "yes I caused a fight". He also wouldn't admit if he stepped on a trauma response. He would only tell of the mistakes of the women. I'm not saying that he has to tell all of the secrets but speaking like this makes it seem like it's all the woman's fault.

The other thing I really started to think about was the accusations at the parties he went to. He told me that he was accused of flirting or being inappropriate with a woman at parties. He was also accused of rape/sexual assault. His answer to these allegations was that he didn't do anything wrong and anything that took place did so with consent while drunk. If it was just one accusation then it would be different. He also said that these accusations were because of him being the "scary white cis man."

Men who hide say things like "well I'm not that guy" or "I'm not the scary man you hear about on the news" may really mean those things. You just never know. You can't trust anyone just because they say things like this and unfortunately the guy can say anything that they want to just to get what they want. Just saying something will not make them true.

From what I saw he hid behind the good things that he had going for him (a job, house and a car) like those made him special. Being an adult doesn't make you special or boyfriend material. It is a good start; he just needs to put in the work to get more things going for him. You have to have something that makes you special. Single white car guy with a house isn't a special thing especially not where I live.

There could be more, but I can't remember everything from a 6-year friendship.

To FB:

I do actually miss you, but I don't know if we can be friends anymore. I hope you actually figure out your shit with women and the world at large. I think about you and pray for you a lot, but please never reach out again until you change.