Why I Don’t Judge Rules Other People Have In Their Relationship

I’ve heard an uproar lately of petitions against people who have chosen to have set boundaries and standards in place for their relationship.

What I can’t understand, though, is why.

Why are those rules and boundaries a bad thing?

I don’t think they are, and here’s why.

Agreed upon boundaries establish clear communication and expectations

Without some spoken expectations, it’s very easy to piss your partner off by crossing a line you may have not even known existed.

Some couples would rather their partner not spend alone time with friends of the opposite sex, and it’s a boundary they’ve set for themselves in their relationship.

If the boundary is a clear and honest one, there’s no controlling factor.

It’s about respecting the other person enough to be clear about what you expect from them, and asking them honestly what they expect from you.

If boundaries make two people feel secure and confident in their relationship, I don’t see an issue.

It’s a completely different story, though, when one party is trying to control and dominate the other by establishing crazy and outlandish rules and regulations. Not at all the same as what I’m referencing.

Boundaries can keep us from being in bad situations

If I’m alone with a person who could potentially be interested, and they make a move on me, I’m still in a bad spot.

I not only have to shut that down, but in the spirit of honesty, I need to go home and tell my wife.

Or, all could be avoided and I could limit my alone time to people that won’t happen with, and hang out with the others while my wife is around.

It’s not a matter of control, it’s a matter of keeping life simple. I try not to leave gaps for unnecessary drama in my life, and for our relationship, this is a good way of making that happen.

If trust has been broken, boundaries help rebuild it

Relationships are built on a foundation of trust.

You never know what a couple has been through.

They might have a private situation that they’re working through.

Shannon and I established some serious boundaries after the bouts of lying and betrayal I experienced, and she knew it was necessary to help me heal and regain my trust.

She was also more than willing to do what needed to be done to show me she was working on herself.

I don’t mind adopting practices that make my wife more comfortable

I have a lot of guy friends, and I’m feminine. Most of them, at first glance, had no idea I was gay, and we had to have 'that conversation'.

It’s easy for some men to think I’m bisexual, or that I could be ‘persuaded’, and my wife is more comfortable if certain male friends are around when she’s around, too.

I’m okay with that, because I respect her, our relationship, and I know she’d do the same for me in return.

As long as boundaries are mutual and based on respect, and not coming from a controlling place, I don’t see the issue.

Do whatever you need to do, with your partner by your side, to keep your relationship healthy and thriving.

Other people’s opinions don’t have to dictate whether or not your relationship operates a certain way. The key to happiness is blocking out the voices of people who probably don't care that much, to begin with. Focus on your relationship, and your relationship only.

This article was originally posted on my Medium account, and I own all the rights to the content.

https://ashleylx.medium.com/why-i-dont-judge-rules-other-people-have-in-their-relationship-260379368b72