Why did you do that?

I stood still, crouched over as I gently placed the small bouquet of flowers over a dirt covered cement platform. As I sighed, the rain poured heavily. I was lucky enough to have an umbrella in hand then. The small droplets made a popping noise each and every time it hit the solid floor. It was calming. The soft roaring of the thunder and the dripping of every house near. Though, the memory of rain wasn’t too great at this moment. I moved the bangs out of my eyesight with my thumb, and continued to stare down at the small shape in front of my eyes.

The only thing that was able to come to mind was a single question. Even so, that simple sentence kept on ringing inside my head, making every other sense of my body go entirely numb. It’s all I could think about. I let out another small sigh as I closed my eyes, the rain water dripping onto my shoulder slightly, which nearly ruined the clothes I wore. The ringing began again, which led me to only try to get rid of it all. The ringing.. it came back. Then went. Then it came back again. It wasn’t fun. The tightening of my chest felt agonizingly painful.. Though for some reason, I didn’t mind it at the same time. I didn’t mind it at all.

I opened my eyes to see a small frail figure standing in front of me. I dropped umbrella, feeling another sharp pain attack me in the chest. I gritted my teeth and looked over to it. I had no words, besides from a silent shock of my breathing and my eyes widening. Before I knew it, I felt small drops of water come down from my cheeks, to my throat. This time, it wasn’t rain water. A single word came from my mouth.

“..why?” I stared up at the figure, feeling a burning anger fill up inside of me. That naive smile, that oblivious look. I hated it so much. I hated it. Sometimes I thought it would’ve been better if only I forgot about those things. Every single little detail of it. If only I didn’t know. Then maybe I wouldn’t be feeling this. Frowning, I clenched my fists to the side, and began to walk towards the figure; the figure with a frail shape to it, almost as if it could brake at any moment, at any touch. It’s soft down turned eyes, the small, yet plump lips it had to it. The dress that came down to its knees.

I stared at myself out of my own consciousness, out of my own body. It felt like a third person view now, like I was another person looking down, and stared at the me that was now yelling at the figure furiously. The me that had furrowed eyebrows, the me that looked miserable, the me that had spent its entire life alone ever since that moment. The me that was right in front of myself. I stared, blankly. I felt almost nothing, like an empty shell, everything was numb now. I only heard the ringing of my ears, and the faint screams of my own voice. The water trickled further down my body from my own eyes. I couldn’t stop it. How could I anyways? How could I stop myself at this moment that was flooding the entire world with the loud, coarse, curses of my own voice. It echoed throughout, almost as if the whole world could hear.

I broke down into tears, falling onto my knees. A faint pain stabbed itself onto my legs, but it was weaker than the one that was already overcoming my whole body. The sense of pain? I didn’t know where it came from. Maybe it was from the uneasy memories of the figure in front of me. The horrible personality, the emotional fighting, the yelling... and the smiles, the laughter, the intimate touching. All of the things we did together in those memories that had made me smile once, the ones that once brought me determination. It was all shattered now. Those shattered pieces of the fragile glass that had already one broke, was now the small unending stream of tears coming down my face. Once again, I screamed.

“WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO IT?!” “I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DID IT! I WAS THERE FOR YOU! I WAS THERE, I REALLY WAS!” My throat ached, barely being able to squeeze out, but got covered by the desperation in my voice. “YOU LIED TO ME, YOU SAID WE WOULD BE TOGETHER FOREVER! YOU’RE JUST A BIG LIER! UNFAITHFUL LIAR!”

I paused from the loud screaming, and let out another small sob. I felt like I’d broken down. “If only.. if only I could have helped you. If only I could have done that, then maybe you would have still been here, standing by my side right now.” I whispered, feeling a small and dreadful feeling of regret coming over me. Another haunting silence moved around the dark room, the loud ringing inside slowly stopping and fading away in my ears. I took a small breath, calmed, and closed my eyes again.. Then opened them.

I looked back down at the small bouquet of flowers in front of me. I glanced up to look at the stone grave right behind it. Then picked out flower from the bouquet and gently placed it on top of the grave. “This was my favorite flower wasn’t it?” I smiled, looking down at the name that had curved itself into the stone. It had read an Important name. One so important that I would never forget it throughout my lifetime. Thought it was sad, I would remember forever. You helped me. You really did, and I tried to help you.. even though I failed, those memories may just be the right thing to get me through life. I sighed slightly before gently caressing the side of the stone sticking out, feeling strong nostalgia in my body.

“Wish me luck.”