Why are Boys so Dumb? Part 1

Now before you go all "what the H-E-double hockey sticks" on me let me say that the events that you're about to read are retellings from what I can remember. I know for a fact that I am going to overemphasize details that probably don't mean the world but at a time and by the time I am writing this those small moments mean everything to me. This also means that I, the narrator slash storyteller, will be telling stories that I might have overheard or was merely a bystander and not the main character, therefore, it might not have happened exactly word for word but all are true.

I want you, dear reader, to understand something; I am not here to be an advocate or a voice for relationships, mental health or just sucky life problems because heck, at the time of writing this I have no idea how to solve half of the problems that I'm about to tell. Some stories have left huge scars in my heart that I don't know if they'll ever go away. But I'm here. Letting you know that it's okay. Stories that have made me stronger and all the people in it.

...

When I started university I thought I could leave everything about high school behind. Now, don't get me wrong, high school was fine - in a sense. But it wasn't like anything Tv and books told me it was. There happen to be more drama than teen romance and high school parties. Which I was more than happy to get away from. This is why I chose the furthest school that my parents would let in go to hopes to start a new. I forget that life has a funny way of doing the exact opposite of what you want.

For the first three years, I did exactly that, avoided every problem that I can outside of school. I rarely went out or went to parties (not like I was the type to go to parties anyways) I even avoided to go out and eat with my classmates unless it was Friday and even then only for about an hour. My parents, who come from a Filipino studious background, were thrilled at the idea that I was more concern about the school, especially how I had chosen art over something more 'practical'. I would drag myself to work and studying trying to be as 'hipster' as I can be. In a lot of ways, I treated myself like shit. (Am I allowed to say shit?) I wasn't a personal artist anymore but working towards a corporate drone. On top of having to commute to school two hours there and back. But after a while, I felt lost. I didn't understand why I was even going to school. I felt like I was in a cage; I could see the outside world, watching everyone pass by while I continued to stay behind bars. I had lost the emotional connection with people and I need to break out of this cage.

There was one thing that kept me from going completely insane: dungeons and Dragons or D&D for short. For a moment, just a few hours it was my scapegoat from school, family and just life in general. I could be anyone or anything, where I can be the hero of a story. My story. But I found it hard to keep a group to play with for a long time. Usually, by the third or fourth month, everyone's lives tend to change and no longer could play. I didn't know anyone in person who wants to play and so I back to being stuck again.

It wasn't until I started working at a local Gaming Cafe in Mississauga where I met my D&D group. Being a girl in a male-dominated game I always knew I would always be the only girl playing but not for this group. Lani was actually someone I knew in High school, we were in yearbook together just before she graduated and I had no idea she was even remotely interested in the game. It was great; along with Eric, Cole, Cam and our DM Chris we were a happy little group being idiots every Wednesday from eight to eleven at night.

I absolutely love it, though most of us were in the same high school around the same time we weren’t really friends back then, there wasn’t much that would have brought us together other than Lani, they were all older than me by a year and so we didn’t have any classes together. But through D&D we manage to be quite a group of friends. Things were great for the most part, but it got more complicated when I started having feelings for Cole. Which in all honesty is where the story begins.

It was a wednesday night, during our week off from and we agreed to meet at the old Gaming Cafe I worked for the summer to play our next session of D&D. We had taken a break from it for a while due to everyone going back to University for the semester. It was me and guys since Lani had to work that same night and couldn’t make but overall was still fun. Our team had reached a port in the same continent my character, Lexi, was from and were buying all the items we wanted for our next mission. We made a few jokes and even met up with a few people in a bar that seemed to want to cause us harm.

"….And that's where we will end tonight," Chris announces

We scream in excitement, yelling over the idea that we would have to wait for a week till we know what will happen next.

"How dare you, Chris!" Cam exclaimed, "How dare you walk us right into a trap!"

Chris laughs, "Ha! If you guys haven't rolled so low on your perception check then maybe you have been able to get away from them."

I smile as begin to put away my dice in their respective bags, "I'm sure we'll be fine." I pause, " If not then I can't wait for the next campaign."

We laugh as we make our way out of the cafe, we've been here since eight when it was packed with people, now it just us and the waiters getting ready to close up for the night.

Putting the last dice bag into my purse there is a sudden tap on my shoulder. I look up and standing there is Cole, his emerald colored eyes smiling back at me with one hand is on my shoulder while the other is holding onto his D&D book in the other.

"Ready to go?" he asks.

I nod just before I say goodbye to the rest of the group; they were still chatting about the Endgame trailer and almost didn’t catch our goodbyes. Then we were in his car; just the two of us. Jamming to the latest podcast of “Critical Role”; a D&D live play podcast, which I have already listened to but still re listening to it still gives makes me laugh. Turing to see Cole, laughing at all jokes and making jokes of his own, makes my heart skip for a second. This, even for just a minute, give me just enough hope to get through the next seven days.

“So?” he ask.

I look around, “So what?” It almost takes me back.

“What do you think they're going to Lexi?” He turns the volume down never taking his eyes from the road.

I tilted my head curling my lips before shrugging, “I’m not sure, as long she doesn’t die I’ll be happy.”

He smiles as he pushes his cinnamon coloured away from his face. God those eyes.

Before I can say anything he parks into the driveway, I sigh wishing I had just a few minutes more. I get out of his car to make my way towards the drivers’ window, I bend to so I am able to face him.

Just I wave at him he rolled down his window, “See you next week”

I smile, squinting my nose and eyes as I do, “Yup, same time, same place.”

Hearing him laughs gives me the queue to give him the final goodbye and I watch pull out of my driveway.

Liking Cole wasn’t “OMG he’s the one for me” but an actual process. I’ve dated before and it made me more guarded about my heart and feelings about a guy. It usually follows within the process of:

I thinks he’s cute

I deny having any feelings towards him

I talk to him more

The butterflies comes to my stomach come

I go “Oh F-U-C-K”

I finally admit I like the guy

This could either last for a few weeks or a few months but either way the next thing I know it I would be head over heels for him. I honestly can’t remember when these feelings started but one day he walked into the session and it hit me like a gust of wind taking over every inch of my body. He makes so easy to like him; he sweet, kind, funny but most importantly I can talk to him and never run of things to say, what would feel like a minutes of conversation would be hours.

When I got into the house it was quite. The place was dark, only letting the streetlights casting from the window giving the place some light. This was an odd sight for me, the place was normally I couldn’t go a minute without hearing the TV blasting filipino telnova’s or the sound of pans clashing or the sound my grandmother talking my aunt from New York about something that happen in the philippines.

I take off my shoes and rush upstairs to take a shower. I check my phone; 11:30 pm. Even though I know that everyone should be in bed I know my parents stayed up to make sure that I got home safe. As I make to the last step to the second floor the light that was emmanting from my parent’s room turns off giving the indication that they finally went to sleep.

The bathroom was the same: all my makeup, toothbrush and hair straightener all push to side to make room for my grandmother’s things. I toss my bag into my room just as I rush into shower. I think about the session, the battles, critical role, Cole. I wonder what it would be like if I told him that I like him. Would it be awkward with the group if he rejects me. What if he didn’t reject me. My heart aches just thought of never being able to hang out with the group. That’s okay if he never knows. I truly meant that.

It was almost midnight by the time I lay on my bed scrolling through Facebook, watching videos of youtubers trip to Japan and person’s announcement to their latest Netflix original coming soon. I could care less about what I was watching I needed anything to help me head fall asleep. But it felt like my mind was running a marathon, trying to latch on to any thought I had in my head. Just as I was about to close my phone I get a notification for Tinder. I was never the one to take Tinder seriously especially when you get messages like “Yo I can be your new guy” or like “Did you just fall from the sky because you look like an angel” but I kept it a part of it because it was entertaining another part was because I like the idea there was someone out there who thought I was worth getting to know beyond “just friends”

I think people forget that there are girls who do get friend zone and I have a huge share of being just that girl. I’ve always been that kind of girl to guys. You know the Mom of the group, the best friend, the one girl you can lean on and get advice from. I love being that girl. I’m never going to change who I am but I wish that I could be something more to someone I liked.

I clicked on Tinder and went about looking at all the guys on it reminding me that this isn’t the relationship I want. I didn’t want to be some guy play thing for the night.

When I was about to call it for the night I saw a familiar face, it was Cole. He must have just made a Tinder profile since I never saw it before. Should I like the profile? Or should I just ignore it? What if it doesn’t match? How would I feel? I thought about it for another moment before going what the heck and swiping right. Then next thing I knew it the words popped up “It’s a match”

The words echoed through my head like someone was shouting in a cave. Nothing else matter but this these three letter words: “it’s a match”. Our profile pictures sitting side by side staring right at me. I blink several times and shake my head. This isn’t real. There’s no way. I’m just making this up in my head. But there was, those words still on the screen.

My heart leaps into the air, my smile stretches ear to ear. I almost immediately get up from my bed just to fall right back to roll around hugging my phone to my chest. I stare at my phone again, making my heart race with excitement. It’s a match. We’re a match.

I can’t contain my happiness any longer. I’m hugging my pillow to squeal into it so I don’t wake anybody up. It’s been so long since I been this excited over someone liking me and it’s someone I actually like back. I can imagine what the conversation would be like: he would maybe call me in the morning or later that night. How he had liked me for a while now but I didn’t know if I liked him, but now he knows. That he was afraid to ask me since we were friends and he didn’t want to ruin that.

That’s right. We’re friends. What if this is just some joke? What if this is some like “ha ha it’s Ari. I’ll just match with her as a joke, she’ll find it funny.” In all honesty, if I didn’t like him I’ll probably would find it funny. Get in a good laugh and talk about next week just before our session.

God I can believe it. How could I have been so stupid? It has to be a joke. Something for us to laugh about later. How could I ever think a guy like him ever like a girl like me. There’s no way he likes me, right?