Why a Break Won’t Break Me

I’ll admit that in the last few days, I have spent most of my alone time sobbing and my time in public trying not to. Then, one day it stopped. I had realized that just like you needed a break to better yourself, I could do the same. I took my alone time and turned it into inspiration, and here’s a few things I’ve learned.

1. I believe in progress from pain.

A lot of people say this and a lot of people believe it to be true. It’s easy to say when you have forgotten what it feels like to really be hurt. As expected, it is much harder in reality. A lesson I’ve already learned is that life has a funny way of making things more of a challenge than you thought, so maybe this is really just an amendment. The point I’m trying to make here is that if you can learn to really make the best of your time spent being alive, if you can really figure out a way to not only satisfy and fulfill yourself, if you can learn to never sacrifice that — you will progress continuously, forever. More so, look at the thing that has challenged you most and rethink it. Never forget that there is a way around it. Never forget to take a step back and really take the time to learn everything you can until you’re smart enough to move on.

2/3. Take care of yourself. Challenge yourself.

I wanted to separate these points, but I can’t. For me, they lie too close together. I have learned that it is okay to put yourself before everyone else. Your pride and your respect are your most valuable assets (Note: So is everyone else’s.). Never sacrifice who you know you already are, but never limit yourself from change or growth. Challenge yourself just to see how great you really can be. I have started going to the gym lately. It’s something I really did because I told the other “break-ee” that they should go and I would do it with them. As expected, they began going nearly every day and every morning I would get a picture of “progression” even if it looked exactly the same as the day before. Anyway, this whole time I was going MAYBE once a week, and that is being really generous on my own behalf. Eventually, I felt guilty, so I started going and now I’m addicted. My body already feels better and, I’m convinced, looks better. I spend at least 45 minutes four to five days a week challenging myself and winning. It’s motivating. I’ve learned to approach every aspect of life like that. I am continuously seeing how much better I can be at my job, how much better of a friend I can be, how much better of a “me” I can be.

4. Learn to love.

If you learn anything, ever, please learn to love. Do not be afraid to completely submerse yourself in it. It is OK if you lose yourself for a little while (it is not OK if you lose your friendships/job/house/family/anything really important). Nothing will ever make you feel better than being able to love. Seriously. Love everything. Your parents, the bodega on the corner, the creepy guy on the subway that everyone is staring at instead of you, puppies (always puppies forever), a really good brunch, a shitty Saturday night. I want you to love everything, and I want you to appreciate it all and I want you to learn to really accept the love of others. Yes, you will get hurt, but even that has its benefits (see #1).

5. Be honest.

I used to lie. When I was much younger I found myself lying a lot. It was a very messy time in my life and something I never wish to return to (see also: age 15). I took a vow of honesty, and have been much happier since then. It’s actually really hard to do, but there’s something to be said about the fact that everyone can recognize honesty but not everyone can always recognize a lie. (For once in my life I am going to say this, alright? Stick with what you know.) You literally have nothing to lose from the truth, and if you think you do, you are lying to yourself. Don’t do that. Don’t lie to yourself. That is disrespectful (see #2/3). Just trust me on this. Honesty. All the time. With everyone.

6. Stop explaining yourself.

You have the right to be you. You have the right to feel what you feel and make the decisions you make. As long as you have made the right decisions and are not apologizing for them, you do not owe anyone an explanation for anything. It is OK if you are self-motivated. It’s even better if you will not sacrifice a part of yourself that you feel to be essential just for the sake of not knowing how to explain it.

7. Keep a secret.

Keep things to yourself, whether the things are yours or someone else’s—especially if they are someone else’s. Some people view secrets as a betrayal. I am not advising to simply hide things for the sake of it, and never hide something that you have to lie about, but if you don’t feel like sharing your weaknesses or the fact that you pulled that t-shirt out of the laundry this morning, then don’t.

8. Be loyal.

Loyalty will always be rewarding. Your best friends are the ones that have been there for you no matter what, and you should be willing to do the same for others. I am on your side until you give me a reason not to be (and even then I’ll probably forgive you if you proved yourself remorseful).

9. Apologize.

Everyone makes mistakes and they are nothing to be ashamed of. When you have found that you messed up, admit it and apologize. You have already messed up, so you can’t have anything else to lose.

10. Be strong.

Two wise (and original) sayings here. A) Sometimes things work out and it’s no one’s fault. Sometimes things don’t work out and it’s no one’s fault. B) Keeping your chin up is hardest when you need to do it the most.

I guess, my bottom line from all of this is that I may feel alone right now, but I know that my other half and I are at least together in our suffering, and, if it all works out, will be together in our growth.