When you finally realize what ‘friend’ means

The Google Dictionary definition of friend: a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

"she's a friend of mine".

Having been told you’re a friend meant just that. It is a category one is placed in when no sign of romantic or sexual relations will come of it. The friend zone is the safe zone for a person who wants to know and interact with a person but nothing more. In my case, I am considered a friend because of my exceptional pool playing and teaching skills. I am what they call a good friend to have around. So that they can get lessons in self-improvement for their pool playing skills. It took my thick skull to realize that after weeks of interaction, not once was any other interaction such as dinner or going someplace else came up. But there were many hours spent playing pool during that period.

Finally seeing a pattern that would keep the proverbial string using the lack of phone etiquette as an excuse for not returning voice mails or texts. The excuse always was, “I need to get better about using my phone.” Overlooking these red flags for want of a better relationship, making up excuses for their lack of interaction was not very realistic or practical. Old friends and family pointed these flaws out but to no avail until the realization of what the true meaning of friend meant in my case. This revelation came at a price to my ego and emotions. I thought I had a lot to offer but clearly, those attributes were not in the table of contents for this ‘friend’. This brought on an emotional feeling of deep internal pain hurting enough to bring tears to my eyes and a distressing sadness felt for the first time. Now knowing that I am just a friend and nothing more. Having finally come to the point of enough is enough. It will take a lot for this person to accept anything more than being cordial and professional from now on. And treating this friend as just another of the team from now on. And make them happy that I am doing so. Leaving them guilt- free to do as they please without worrying about hurting my feelings. Because I found out the hard way and they did not see it.

Learned a valuable lesson in life, being widowed and returning to meet new people and make new friends. There are various stages of friendship that need to be identified and learned. Having been in professions where you depended on your friend to protect your life, these are special friends. People you meet on a daily or weekly basis having superficial greetings would be casual friends. People you would go out to dinner or events on occasions would be good friends. But loyal friends you choose to be part of your family known as Ohana, are the ones you or they would come in the middle of the night to come aid unconditionally without explanation.

Making the mistake of offering a place in my Ohana and unconditional friendship to a total stranger and have authored an entire article about my discovery of being just a friend. Living life to be a man of honor and integrity, I will fulfill my oath to be an unconditional friend until released by the person I pledged my friendship to. If not released, it is my hope that my ‘friend’ will truly be a part of my Ohana someday and let our friendship move forward to something more meaningful. Friend, be careful of the ‘just friends’ zone.

This article is written from the author's personal and painfully making new friends experience. I hope you enjoyed and found meaning in my writing. Mahalo for reading and Aloha. Ismael Fernandez